hibiscus || h.s.

twenty-two

"H, did you order the pizzas?" Nat calls from the kitchen. She's getting the food and drinks set out for the "welcome home" party while I clean up a few last-minute things.

"Yeah, they said it would be about twenty to twenty-five minutes!" I yell back in response.

We invited about twenty people over for a little get-together to welcome Nat and the kids home. And Dane, too.

I decided now would be a good excuse to invite the people at the new branch over to get to know them a little better. I want them to see me as someone they can come to for things. Getting to know them and building relationships with them is a good way to do that.

I also took it upon myself to invite Lennon, Beckett, and Emery since they're the only people we actually know here, but after Dane had his "talk" with me, I'm regretting that decision. I wish I wouldn't have even walked up to her in that smoothie bowl place, but apparently my brain wasn't working. I was just in shock to see her.

Now that Dane made me actually think again, I'm realizing the severity of the situation. There are more factors to consider than I thought about.

Why did I assume that since I didn't feel anything for her anymore that she wouldn't either?

Dane's right, I loved her as much as she loved me. Even though we didn't say it, it was obvious. If I was in her place I probably would have agreed to a dinner too.

That's why if she shows up today, I'm gonna talk to her about it and apologize. Not that she would or should forgive me, but I need her to know my intentions. I completely understand if she never wants to talk to me again, but I'm going to leave that up to her. I've always left things up to her, and this is no different. I'd gladly have them in my life again if they'd let me, but I don't deserve it. I don't deserve even a second of her attention.

People are supposed to be coming over in about a half an hour, so the pizzas will come just in time. Hopefully we didn't order too many or too little. It's always hard to determine.

I'm a little paranoid for this party. I just want it to go well. Nat deserves a nice, relaxing day before she has to start getting wedding things together since she has a lot to do in the next month before my mum and sister come. There's even more to do once they get here, too.

I never realized how much goes into a wedding until I'm actually having one and all of the planning falls on us. Nat and I decided to pay for the wedding ourselves since we're getting older and we'll already have a family and a house. We don't need to save up for anything else in the near future, so we have some money to spend. My mum is paying for the honeymoon, and Nat's family is paying for the reception to still help us out a little though. They insisted and we're eternally grateful for all of the help they've given us.

It's a lot to handle though, and I don't feel like I've been of much help. That's why I'm sticking to working and cleaning. Plus I have no clue what Nat wants, so I'm leaving that up to her.