𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫,𝐲𝐨𝐮//𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

𝓗𝓪𝓹𝓹𝔂 𝓑𝓲𝓻𝓽𝓱𝓭𝓪𝔂

We all met at my house around three o'clock. Everyone except Robin. She doesn't know anything yet; I just told her that it would be the best night of her life.

"I thought we were going to throw a huge, unforgettable party for her."

When I said that, all three looked at me with an unreadable look. Well, I knew what was going through their heads.
Jonathan and Steve shared a look. But Barbara just looked me straight in the eye.

"What?" I asked.

"Nancy, we don't think that party is what Robin needs right now, you know, because..."

"Because what, Barb?"

"Because of what happened at the last party," Steve said.

I remained silent; they were right.

"Look, we could go somewhere, just the five of us, for a movie or dinner somewhere; I think Robin would be happy about that."

"Sure, I'm going to the kitchen to get some food; turn on the TV if you want."

I said that and quickly ran out of the living room.

I tried my best not to cry.

As I poured orange juice into glasses in the kitchen, I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"Spit it out, girl, what's wrong."

"Nothing is okay."

"Bullshit. You always say that, don't you?"

"I don't know what to do."

"What do you mean? Something with Robin?"

I just nodded.

"Okay, is it bad or?"

"We had sex—well, almost, but something happened."

"What? Did her father catch you naked?"

"What no? What's wrong with you, Barb?"

"Nothing, sorry, I hate being serious. Okay, tell me what happened."

So I did. I told her. About my scars and pain.

I thought she would think me an even bigger fool. Well, Barbara was not like that. She would never leave me. She hugged me tightly and said we would try to make it right tonight.

Barbara was different from my other friends. She was herself, and she wasn't ashamed of it. But the problem was that I knew almost nothing about her private life. She never told me anything.

I wanted to fix our friendship in the future. I wanted her to trust me. So that she doesn't hide everything behind her stupid, wide smile.

We were still thinking for a while about where we would go tonight. Until my mom came back from the store with some colorful flyers in her hand.

"Hey mom, you're home soon."

Jonathan and Steve immediately stood up and shook Mom's hand. Barbara smiled softly and hugged her.

"I'm glad you're all getting together, I guess Nancy couldn't deserve better friends"

I smiled, even though I didn't really want to. I still had Robin in my head. Mom noticed that I was a little out of sorts, so she immediately handed me a colorful leaflet that she was holding tightly in her hand.

"You told me in the morning that you still don't know where to take Robin. This was stuck on the shop window. Think about it," she said and as if winking at me, then she took her bag and went up the stairs.

I was looking at the flyer and all three of my friends were waiting for me to tell them what was on it. "Is that a rainbow?" Steve asked. I nodded.

"It's a party or rather a meeting for a queer people"

"What? Here? In this city full of hate?" Jonathan asked. I slowly got up from the couch.

"It's not possible for this to just hang out somewhere on the shop window. Some kids could come to that place and destroy it there," Barbara stated.

But I still didn't say a word. A place where I can be myself with Robin for at least one night in my life. It sounded like a dream come true.

"We will go there; there will be people who understand and support me. It is a great opportunity to meet new people."

"That sounds great, Nance, but if you haven't noticed, the three of us are not into that sort of thing, you know," Steve said, and I shot him a slightly irritated look.

"Speak for yourself, pretty boy. I'm going," Barbara declared confidently, and Steve's mouth dropped open.

"Fine, but that doesn't mean I have to flirt with some boy there."

"No one talked about that, Steve." Barbara smiled, and Steve's cheeks turned pink.

Jonathan didn't say anything; he looked like he was thinking. "What are you thinking, Jonathan?"

"At what age can you go there?"

I looked at the flyer again. "The door is open to everyone who wants it. Friendly discussions, stories from life, and younger and older years will find a common language here," I quoted, and Jonathan nodded.

"Why do you ask?"

"I was thinking that. I was thinking about taking Will there."

I looked with my eyes at Barbara, who just smiled, and Steve looked confused.
"Wait, your brother is..." he started to say when Barb cut him off.

"It says that everyone can come; for me, it's a great idea."

I suspected that Jonathan was still not sure about this idea.
"I'll go look there today to find out the situation and what it looks like there. Pick up Robin in the evening, and we'll meet there."

I said goodbye to all three for now. It's time to get ready for this great evening.

My tiny lump in my throat, which is afraid that tonight will end disastrously, keeps growing.

I take a deep breath and run up the stairs to the bathroom.

I leave the colorful flyer on the table in the living room, in front of everyone's eyes.

Bad idea.