Paul & Moi

Chapter 30

I find it hard to open my eyes because I'm so tired. I have a headache, it's crazy! One second! This place... Is this the room of...? It starts again...

"Are you finally awake?" He starts playing with my hair that I had curled the day before.

"You have to be obvious, you can't stand alcohol. Every time I pick you up after an evening you are completely screwed" he points out to me in the tone of humor.

His remark makes me smile. It's true that after the evenings, I end up all the time in a bed with Paul. Maybe I should calm down a little.

"Say, yesterday you seemed to want to tell me something," Paul asks me.

I'm thinking for a moment. What does he want to talk about? Everything is so confused in my head after last night. I remember dancing with the girls.

I remember talking to someone. Or to have confused me rather. Who was it with? I can hardly remember it.

"I'm coming back, I'm going down for a second," he told me before disappearing.

Who did I argue with yesterday? It wasn't with Jena, I'm sure. I went up to the bathroom and saw a blonde girl... Hillary!

Paul enters the room.

"Are you taking drugs?"

"What?"

"You heard very well!"

"Who told you that?" He is visibly angry.

"So is it true?" I step back from a step that I don't want to believe it.

"No! You're delirious!"

"Tell me the truth for once!"

He is visibly troubled and does not know what to answer.

"I remember these pills in your bag and I didn't try to understand. Now everything is clear! You take drugs! What the fuck is wrong with you? "

"That's not what you think!" He gets closer to me but I instinctively step back to keep a distance.

"I don't know what to believe from you anymore"

"It's far too complicated to explain"

"I have all my time! Explain yourself!"

"I can't..."

"And why?"

"It's not your business! Get in the way that concerns you!"

Did he dare to say that?

"Do you know what disappoints me the most? Is it that the other day I asked you if you were hiding something from me and you know what you did? You looked me straight in the eye and swore no. You dared to promise me and lie to me at the same time. You are not trustworthy. You're just a poor guy."

"Nina is listening..."

"No! I don't want to be involved in your bullshit and I'm more than enough for you to lie to me all the time. It's not a normal relationship! I would never have liked to meet you, you only attracted me problems" a tear runs down my cheek.

I don't want to look weak in front of him. It would give him control over me. I grab my bag and rush to the door.

"Stop!" He closes the door behind him and puts himself in front to prevent me from going out.

"Let me go" I order him.

"I made bad choices, it's true and I didn't always act like an exemplary boyfriend I admit it but I warned you before we got together."

"So it's my fault?"

"You knew that by putting yourself with me, you wouldn't have a very pink and perfect relationship. You still wanted this relationship."

He is absolutely right...

"I thought you were going to change a minimum."

"So you didn't want me as Paul, did you want me as a perfect Paul? The thing is that I'm not Derek me "

"What does Derek have to do in there?"

"Oh stop please.. This guy is so perfect, that's all you've always wanted. If we wouldn't have been together, you would be in his bed at that time."

"Let me go, I can't stand you any longer"

He doesn't move from the door.

"When you say that you wish you had never met me, do you really think so?" He looks me in the eyes.

Of course not! I have feelings for him and I would never have liked to have never met him.

"Yes. Now let me pass" I try to push him away from the door but he doesn't move a bit.

"Tell me word for word and in that case I will let you go and you will never see me again"

Never again? Is that really what I want??

There is a long silence. I'm trying to pronounce these words but nothing wants to come out. Tears continue to flow. He pushes me to the limit.

"You see, deep inside you, you love me as I am - he caresses my cheek but I step back to avoid it - say it and I would never appear in your life again - he raises my chin with his index finger and looks me straight in the eyes - say it and I would leave you alone if that's really what you want".

I wouldn't let myself be fooled this time and I wouldn't give in.

"Okay. If that's what you want. I would have preferred never to meet you Paul. I wish you didn't come back into my life. Everything was going very well before your stupid bet. I had a perfect life. I lost my friends Jena and Hillary, my place on the team, my good grades and I'm in constant stress because of you! It's all your fault! I don't want a relationship like that. You're a bad influence and that's why I..."

"What are you, Nina?"

"...I must forget you"

He seems stunned by my words. He pushes himself out of the door and I rush out of his house.

I can't hold back my tears. All this is far too trying for me. I had been warned. But I only did it at my head. I went head down. I can only blame myself, he is right. I will never see him again. He told me that he would get out of my life. Did I do well? I didn't have an explanation from him about this whole story but he lied to me. His lies have destroyed our relationship.

I think I made the right decision. Paul and I are over and I am relieved.