Paul & Moi

Chapter 39

After thinking at length during this week, I made a decision. It's an evil for a good. I can't continue to remember him. I love him but not as much as he can love me. I can't offer him the love he needs. He deserves a better person than me. Our relationship will not be able to continue. He enters my room, always with his smile and sits at my side.

"I'm here! Did you say you wanted to talk to me about something?" He asks me.

I don't want to break his heart but I have no choice.

I nod my head and look for where to start.

"You're a really great guy..."

He sighs as if he had guessed what I had to say to him.

"As much as I searched, I really don't find any flaws. You are really the ideal boyfriend and all the girls would kill to go out with you..." I can't hold back my tears and he immediately takes me in his arms.

"I understood Nina" he whispers in my ear.

"I really don't want to lose you Derek and I really don't want to hurt you. But I don't want to hold you back when I don't deserve you," I manage to tell him.

"You won't lose me Nina. I'll always be there for you, don't worry," he reassures me.

This guy is really perfect in every way. I'm breaking his heart and thinking of comforting me.

"I wish I could love you as much as you love me but..."

"Your heart belongs to him. He never ceased to belong to him."

I'm cracking. Hearing him say that, I know it hurts him but he doesn't show anything. He continues to comfort me and I remain in his arms.

I end up letting him go, devastated by what I just did to him. He promised me to always be there for me when I needed him. Derek is really a golden man! I feel so stupid...

I decide to call Jena to tell her the news.

"Are you sure that's what you wanted?" She asks me.

No, I didn't want to leave him. He was perfect. But I couldn't hold him back. It would have been selfish on my part.

"I would have liked everything to be less complicated," I answer him.

"It's your choice and I respect it. What are you going to do now?" She asks me.

"No idea. Above all, I need to take my time to think about all this and make the right decision," I tell him.

"I know that if you need to talk, you can call me" she reassures me.

I thank her and she changes my mind by telling me the latest gossip of high school.

"I have to go and talk to him seriously," I conclude.

"Yes, you should go to his house, so you will be calm to discuss," she advises me.

I thank her and we end up hanging up around 2am.