Paul & Moi

Chapter 33

I'm rushing at full speed. I need answers and quickly! In my head, everything is confused. Paul and Max know each other. Paul has problems with Max. Paul knows that Max is my ex and maybe he knew it at the beginning of our relationship. Maybe Max also knows that Paul is my ex? And so both knew and not me?

I arrive in front of Paul's house and I rush, furious at his door. I knock violently on the door several times before someone opens me.

The door opens with Paul behind. He looks tired.

"Nina?" He said, hiding behind the door.

"You and I are not done," I say as I went inside.

"What's the matter?" He asks with a suspicious air.

Where to start? I rushed to confront him but I didn't prepare!

"I want the truth" I simply say.

"I'm listening to you," he said as he went to the living room.

This sofa. This is where Paul and I had our first rapprochement. This is not the time Nina! Concentrate yourself! This is where you will finally know everything!

"Why?"

"Why what?" He turns the question back to me.

"Why did you start taking drugs?"

"Ah... You came to talk to me about this..." he seems disappointed.

"What else could I talk to you about? I need an answer and no lies this time!" I warn him.

He sighs and lowers his head.

"Talk to me! You owe me the truth after everything you have made me go through!" I yell at him.

He hesitates and then starts.

"Before I met you, I was already taking some. It was fun, it allowed me to relax and have a good time with my friends. It gave me an impression of freedom and independence. I thought I would control the situation. My life was about consuming, partying and sleeping with girls. Then there came a time when I had nothing more to pay, but I needed it terribly. I had a real addiction and I couldn't live without it anymore. I met you and my condition was improving at first without me realizing it. You took care of my mind and I didn't think about drugs at all. And then there was the period when I realized that I had feelings for you. And it scared me. I found myself jealous and possessive and this guy, Derek, was turning around you. It was unbearable! It was super stressful for me, I couldn't think of anything other than you. You were my drug, Nina. And I ended up diving back into all this stress. I'm not proud of it."

So it's my fault if he dived again? Is that what he's trying to make me understand? Am I supposed to feel guilty?

"And Max then? How long have you known him?" I ask.

He raises his head and looks me in the eyes.

"She told you."

"We don't care who told me what. I'm waiting for your version!"

He lowers his head again and does not dare to look me in the eyes.

"I had nothing more to pay but I kept asking Max. I promised him every time I would pay him. I got more and more into debt and he finally learned that I had nothing to pay for it. He even threatened to attack my mother. This guy, he has a lot of contacts and he's really not stable, Nina! I had no choice!"

"No choice of what?" I ask.

He doesn't answer me.

"I have to yell at you or how is it?-I'm starting to get angry- Explain yourself and quickly!" I order him.

He finally spoke again.

"I first accepted the bet made by my friends for the money. This money would have been used to repay part of my debts."

So I was just a way for him to extract money from his friends. I don't know if I'm going to manage not to crack...

"I didn't remember seeing you before in high school so I did some research on you. That's when I learned that you were his ex."

This guy is not believeable!

"You used me..." a tear eventually escapes.

"I saw an opportunity to have a revenge on Max. I told myself that I would be more likely to find his weak point and free myself from his grip. I tried to get information about him when we went to the movies but you didn't want to tell me anything so I thought I had rushed. I got to know you later. And I realized that I was not with you only out of interest. I needed to have you by my side."

"You're just a poor guy! You just needed me to have information about Max!"

"No! I needed you because you showed me that I could change! That I was able to make efforts for someone and that I was able to hold on to someone! "

"I'm supposed to believe you after all?"

"I didn't want to follow my plan anymore. If it was to lose you in the end, I preferred Max to take me underground. But he began to be more and more threatening. And I had to find a solution to get out of there. Then Jake, who understood that I didn't want to use you, offered me to get closer to Jena. He suggested that I spend more time with her and extract information from her. For me it was impossible after what I had done to him. But it was out of the question that I involve you in it so it was my only solution. I must have found a way to spend time with her," he said with a sigh.

"You're just a bastard! I can't look you in the face anymore Paul!" I then understand what he did.

"I made Amy jealous of you and knowing her, she would throw spades at you at the first opportunity. Knowing you, I knew you wouldn't let anything pass..."

"I lost everything because of you! "I get up crying and rush to the door.

I have never been so hurt. No one has ever betrayed or used me like that.

"Nina! Stop! Stop! It may have been calculated at the beginning and I am terribly angry with it. But I was sincere with you when I told you that I love you. Every moment spent with you, every moment, every second, was a breath of fresh air. I fell in love with you little by little and I wanted to stop everything for you, I promise you!" He's holding me back.

I can't control my tears. What he tells me doesn't even reach me anymore. He lied to me so much!

"No one and I say no one used me as you did! You were supposedly afraid of losing me and well you know what? You lost me. I never want to see you again in my life, is that clear? Don't approach me anymore! You're really just a poor guy! You will end up losing all those you care about! Fuck you!" I scream and leave his house.

Why did I let him into my life? I lost everything because of him! I can't believe it!

"Nina! Come back! I'm sorry."

"Being sorry will not resolve anything. It's not going to cure what you broke or put it back in pieces," I explain to him by getting into my car.

I start the engine and break from this place. I never want to come back here or anywhere near him again. I'm so angry, angry with him. I hate him! I hate him for everything he made me do! I have more than enough of this life! I would like..."

*BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPP*