Enough Courage

☆Chapter 16

I feel lonely looking up at the glowing plastic stars in my room for the first time in ages.

I can never sleep, but tonight is different. All I can seem to think about is Collins embrace last night, and how I desperately wish I was in the same scenario tonight.

I also think about how any time Collins and I seem to get closer, we also take a step back. It's like there is a invisible fence between us.

I roll over and swipe my phones screen. I squint at the screens brightness. I want to text him, but maybe it's better to give him a couple of days.

He said himself, he has a lot on his plate. Maybe him distancing himself isn't because of me? He said baseball was starting soon, and maybe he was just stressed out.

I make my phone go dark again so the only light in my room is the plastic stars and the moons gentle glow.

I force my eyes closed. I have to sleep tonight, I have classes tomorrow.

Eventually, around two in the morning I drift off.

In the morning I surprisingly wake up on time. No missed alarms, or sleeping in. I have enough time to actually get ready and put effort into my appearance.

Some might say it was me prepping myself to see Collins today. But it wasn't, I was just trying to treat myself better for once. Something I'm not great at.

I straighten my hair, put eyeliner and lip gloss on. I throw my favorite sweater on, and a pair of jeans. I look in the mirror and I feel good about myself today.

When I go out to the living room the other two girls are nowhere to be seen.

Kelesy texted me last night saying that she was staying in Eric's dorm room with him. Hopefully he doesn't have a roommate.

Shaina is here, but she's been quiet since we got back.

I open the fridge but we need to go grocery shopping so I close the door.

Since there is nothing to eat I decide I'll go to campus early and get a coffee before class starts.

I'd have to wait thirty minutes for the bus so I decide to walk to campus instead. Which ends up being a good decision. The fall foliage is at its peak, and it's beautiful.

I stop at the coffee stand and get an iced coffee even though the air is chilly.

On Mondays my first class is Creative Writing and I'm glad because it's my favorite class and there's no better way to start off the week.

I leave class with a assignment I have to finish by Thursday. With an hour before my next class I decide to go to the picnic tables near the dinning hall to start my essay.

My assignment is to write two versions of the same situation. I'm lost in thought staring at a blank piece of notebook paper when I feel a hand on my shoulder.

I look up and Collins looks back at me.

"Hey."

"Hey, yourself." I smile at him. I notice immediately how tired he looks.

"I'm glad I ran into you here, I was going to text you last night. Sorry I didn't."

"It's okay, you don't have to apologize."

"Yes I do, I was kinda lame yesterday." He looks down at his palms, then back at me.

"Collins, I know you have a lot on your plate. It's really okay. If whatever we have going on is too much, I understand."

Collins sits down and pulls my hands into his lap.

"It's not too much, Ellis. I like you I do. I just don't know that I'm good enough for you."