Calamity [Zarry Stylik AU]©️

Chapter 45: YES

Z,

Pancakes were an easy thing to cook. With such a gesture I wanted to show Harry all my love and devotion. I had a decent stack, skilfully placed next to a stove and a freshly made smoothie to help with any hangovers.

Today was our last day together before I moved back to NYC to deal with the consequences of my actions. I admit I was nervous. There was a rumbling going on in my chest, that I kept pushing down and focusing on the moment at hand. That was the only thing that mattered. The now. The moment when Harry's lips touched mine or he whispered my name or sighed for me. That was the only thing that mattered to me.

I poured the last pancake watching it cook on the pan, thinking about the last hours and going over my next steps. I was slightly nervous and anxious, but nothing compared to how I felt before I pushed my pen to paper.

The notebook was carefully stored in the same drawer I had found it. I had spent yesterday afternoon writing my feelings away, while Harry was at work. The words poured out of me easily, as if some spirit guided my hand. I was going to leave this to Harry. It was a love letter to him.

About me.

About us.

'Calamity' reflected my past; a reflection on my actions and a way to atone.

I poured my heart out to him through 'Tightrope, showing him my true colours, intentions and emotions.

I hoped he saw the beauty in our intimacy in poems such as 'Sweat' and 'Windowsill,' where I give an image of what it felt to have him against me, feeling him, breathing him, and finding pleasure in giving him pleasure.

Finishing with 'River Road' with a reading of hope in the future, in ours and our story.

I wrote in the afternoon and, after Harry came home, I continued to write while he slept next to me. Once I was done, I put the notebook and laid it next to him. I pulled him closer, listening to his light snore and mumbling words while tucking him into me.

I caressed his skin, memorized his sleeping features, wrapped his curls around my finger and imprinted every single of his tattoos on my mind. I smelled his sweat, the vanilla on his head and the sandalwood on his skin. I whispered how much I loved him, how I needed him and beautiful he was. I squeezed him so tight, that Harry moaned against me.

But I couldn't let him. Could I let him go?

I needed to. It wasn't easy, but it needed to be done.

I planned to leave the notebook carefully tucked under the mattress after my departure, where Harry would later find it and read it. It was just a step in a long list of plans I had for today. All for him. All because of him.

He had been snoring up till seconds ago, but now was quiet. I heard him stir up in bed, mumbling something and I smiled. I loved hearing him make those sleepy sounds. It didn't take long before hearing his heavy footsteps go around the room.

I saved the pancake just in time, placing it on top of the gold pile.

"Zayn?"

I looked over my shoulder finding Harry standing there. His eyes puffed, hair sticking in all the weird places and wearing nothing but his boxers.

"Morning,"

"Are you cooking?" Harry asked, rubbing his eyes. The gesture is so pure, so simple and enough to make my heart melt.

"Pancakes." I picked up the plate and placed it on the kitchen island. Then grabbed the honey and poured it all over the pancakes. Once it was all dripping, I pushed the plate towards Harry. "For you."