Behind the Smile | TodoBakuDeku | Book 1

Chapter 6

Midoriya's POV

"Nice going, idiot!"

'That voice...It sounds just like it did in the dream. Wait, am I dreaming?'

I tried pinching my arm, to wake myself. "It's not a dream, dumbass."

I flung the blankets off of me to find the source of the voice, coming face to face with...me?

Just like in the dream, standing right in front of me was a figure that looked and sounded just like me. The only difference between us, as far as I could tell, were our eyes. The figure's eyes were a deep and endless black with purple flakes, while I knew mine to be emerald green.

"Who are you?" I whispered, fearing to draw attention to myself in the event I was going insane.

"Why, I'm you of course. A part of you, that is," he chuckled.

I didn't understand what he meant. I was terrified and confused, but subconsciously I also felt drawn to the figure. It was like we shared a sinister and unspoken connection.

The figure took a deep breath and sat on my bed. "Allow me to explain."

When he saw I wasn't going to object, he took that as a cue to continue. "As your so-called "friends" said, you were hit by a quirk."

I recalled the conversation that had just taken place and hesitantly nodded to show I was following so far. "Well, that quirk is actually quite special. It allows the person affected to see what is truly in-front of them. It makes all lies transparent to its victim and allows the feeling of life without filters. In many ways, it's more a gift than a curse."

"They said the quirk forces people to kill themselves. Is that true?" I was conflicted when asking the question. A part of me was curious, while the other feared what that would mean for me. I had already started to feel a suffocating grasp of depression tightening its grip on my life. The feeling was a familiar one, bringing me back to the darkest time of my life. What's worse, deep down I knew this time would be much worse.

"No, the quirk does not force suicide on anyone. Suicide is only a possible side-effect," the figure stated matter of factly. "It merely allows the user to decide if their life is worth living, as buried truths are brought to light."

'Interesting...so there is still an aspect of free will involved.'

"Of, course there is! Wouldn't be fun without it!" The figure boasted.

I was taken back. "Wait, I definitely didn't say that out loud. Can you...can you hear my thoughts?"

The figure's laughter grew louder, "Of course, you moron! I am you, after all." Overwhelmed, I was sure I was going crazy.

I then remembered Kacchan had said there were several deaths because of the quirk. I thought that maybe if I put up with the side effects long enough, I could find a way to destroy it for good.

Again the figure read my mind. "Actually, you are right in that there is a way to end this quirk's reign for good, but I can't tell you just yet. It would spoil the fun."

I could feel my anger rising as my clenched fists shook. I didn't necessarily care if I lived or died, but I refused to let anyone else get hurt if I could help it. Trying to keep my composure I asked, "Can you at least give me a hint?"

The other me looked like it was giving my request some serious consideration before saying, "Sure! The orb that hit you may only perform one task at a time. Meaning, because the quirk's entity is attached to you, it may not affect any other being until minutes before you die."

I instantly felt a wave of nausea strike. "You said it wouldn't force me to kill myself. Does that mean if I don't, I will be stuck with it..with you..for the rest of my natural life?"

"More than likely!"

"But Kacchan said that it most recently affected a group of kids. How did it transfer to me if they didn't die?" I was searching for a loophole of any kind.

"Wow, now I thought you were just a stupid little Deku. You caught on. True the quirk did affect a group of boys, but it is a lie to say all of those boys are still alive. As a matter of fact, one of them is dead because of you."

The walls began to close in, as I fought to steady my breathing. 'Because of me? Dead? My fault?'

The other me...the Dark Deku continued to grin from ear to ear. "Yes, Midoriya. It was all your fault. You failed. Your're one giant failure and it's because of you a young boy is dead."

'No! It's a lie. Kacchan would have told me. He wouldn't have tried to hide that. There's no way I would have let a kid die like th-'

"You did, though, Midoriya," Dark Deku continued. "See, the orb can sense the user's death up to five minutes before it happens. In that time, it needs to secure a new host or..." He pauses in contemplation. "Actually, I'll just leave it at that for now."

I refused to let the subject go. I refused to believe I was the cause of someone's death.

"Hard to believe, I know, but it's the truth. I have no reason to lie to you. Take a look for yourself," Dark Deku said as he tossed the remote onto the bed and coaxed me to turn on the tv with the nod of his head.

"In other news," a reporter began. "It's been three days since the tragic events took place on this bridge behind me. Four children attempted to commit suicide, with all but one being rescued. Unfortunately, a 13 year old boy, whose name we are not allowed to release at this time, slipped through the fingers of hero-in-training, Izuku Midoriya."

'What?! No, this can't be happening.' I began to sob. The reporter on the screen then seemed to direct her attention right at me, as if she could see through the screen, ready to attack.

"That's right, it's your fault Izuku Midoriya. You might as well have murdered the poor child. How could you?!" She was now screaming, spitting anger and hatred directly at me. I curled up in a ball on my bed, and covered my ear as I continued to sob.

'Please stop! I just want it to stop. I can't do this anymore. Someone help me!'

"Shhhh," Dark Deku said as he patted my back. "There are some ways to get through the pain you feel, but I don't know if you're strong enough."

Still rocking back and forth with my sheets and hospital gown covered in snot and tears, I begged for help. "Please, just make it stop."

"Are you positive you want my help?"

I could no longer speak as my body trembled with agony, but I managed to shake my head up and down in a panic. I then felt a hand lift my arm out and away from me. I peeked out of the blanket and up from the fetal position to see Dark Deku holding a small surgical blade against my bicep, just under the sleeve of my hospital gown.

"You ready?" The other me asked. There was a hint of amusement in his tone, but that didn't register at the time. I just wanted this pain in my heart to go away. It was too much to bear.

"Do it!" I growled.

As he made a clean, horizontal slice into my arm, I felt a sensation unlike anything felt before. Yes, there was pain from the cut, but everything else became numb, including my mind. I began to calm down as I became fixated on the blood trickling down my skin.

'This pain is...necessary.'

I reached up to grab the knife from Dark Deku, and he gladly handed it over. "Th-thank you," I whimpered.

I could tell he was enjoying himself, as I made one more cut above the first. The second time felt even more powerful than the first.

Realizing I was no longer crying, my breathing became steady, and my heart was too numb to hurt. I looked up at the other me, and let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you, for helping me. I know what to do now."