𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗧𝗟𝗘 𝗗𝗔𝗥𝗞 𝗔𝗚𝗘

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍 - NEW

I've lived with doubt for as long as I could remember.

It's sickening, in honesty. It's repetitive and irritating always leading me to insecurity and self-conscious thoughts that dismayed my entire body. I hated the stubborn swell of anxiousness that set me back and practically made me an outcast out of mistrust. It was annoying — the inconsistency of my trust and abrupt qualms — it was so interruptive and bothersome, I didn't know what else to do but lock myself in my thoughts. I didn't do that often, I had my friends for comfort.

But... lately, I'm not too sure with who I have a relationship with anymore — who I truthfully feel safest with. I would normally have answered that in a heart beat.

I stared at the ceiling of my new room. The dorm was small and simple but provided enough for me to feel it were a home. I sat in the dimness provided by the late night, the darkness slightly lit by the moon peeking through the blinds covering the window. Staring at the ceiling I mindlessly traced the cracks and lines that made irregular shapes and with indefinite sizes, my eyes blank and lips slightly parted.

I remained that way until the ivory light turned gold, the sun peering above the horizon with a large grin. It beamed across the land before it scaring the darkness with jovial yellow. I had barely moved, the night wasn't missed and the morning wasn't welcomed, my eyes kept stilled on anything for long hours — blank and broad, I kept my gaze an unwavering vulnerability.

Breathing out a shuddered huff I blinked slowly at the ringing emit from my phone. The sudden and obnoxious ringtone had a slight rush of distaste run through my blood and I turned off the alarm with a forceful tap. I stared at the nightstand the device sat on, before eventually convincing myself to sit up. Thoughts had deprived me of my sleep, dark circles forming under my eyes and dimming them completely. I looked like dejection itself and all I had to blame was myself.

I slowly lifted myself out of the bed, the sheets warm from the long hours I laid on it, and calmly stretched my arms out. A hesitant wave of emotions ran over me when I glanced at the door to my room. It was original and antique, sliding side to side instead of pushing back and forth as the doors were more modern nowadays. The architecture practically shouted it was a bygone from early days of life, the structures all arched neatly and artistically to make the scenery beautiful.

I didn't waste much time on my looks, nothing was going to be fixed — I would still remain sorrow-looking and in desperate need of sleep. I wasn't in control of any of my situations anymore, I had no voice against this world — I'd most likely be killed — and I only manage to lose; lose people I care for or the battles I want to ignore. I wonder when fate will love me.

I slid back the door, cautiously. My eyes wandering the hallway before faintly settling on the hard, wooden floor where a small box sat idly. It's lonely white contrasted from the brown colour reflected from the ground. On the top corner it had my name in large letters before a smiley face and a small description of what was within it. My uniform...

I pulled the box into the room with a neutral look, I didn't have any happiness to show for the package. It was just another addition to the chaos I was thrown into... nothing that caught my attention... except it's style.

When I pulled on the uniform I recognized it's easy-to-see and simple stuff but looking closer I could catch some things that made it unique — different from the uniforms I'd see at my old school. I didn't waste any more time in the room, finding it best to search the school for my class while I still had time to. I didn't know where I was going or what to expect — all I could do was hope.

But with my doubting mindset... I don't think have that ability.

————

"(Y/N)... are you lost?"

"Oh — yeah." I nervously laughed at myself reaching for the nape of my neck with a half hearted grin. It didn't hold any meaning expect respect towards the man. Gojo Satoru, that was his name. I didn't know any thing more than his title provided by his parents — nothing more or less that mattered. I was aware of his confident tone and condescending nature, he was the type without hesitation or weakness — truthfully, the exact opposite of me.

"You look nervous." He commented looking down at me with a slight lean. "I don't know what to expect." I crossed my arms, hugging myself as if it were cold. He waved his hand a little, signaling that I followed him.

"Inconsistence tends to happen a lot around here, you can't really anticipate anything." He shrugged bluntly. I eyed him with an awkward tensity in my posture, anxiousness still evident. "That's... great..." I sweat dropped at the taller man, his smile wide with pride, radiating and reflecting on anything it could. I was unaffected, simply unfazed by the positivity.

"They'll love you — well, actually I'm not really sure what they'll think... it's a fifty-fifty." He tilted his hand back and forth waving it in front of him with smooth movements.

"Fifty-fifty?" I followed up with soft confusion his hands shoving themselves into his pockets. "They may hate you." He stated and I visibly straightened my posture. "Or maybe they'll like you a lot..." He trailed off with a hinting smile, I didn't take note of it only thinking of my introduction and how I'd like it to at the very least provide the other students with a name. "All depends on how you present yourself." I nodded to his words, his undertone of exaggerated wisdom had anyone rolling their eyes, usually, but I took him seriously — I didn't want to mess up. Again.

"How about a rundown on who you'll be meeting?" He suggested with a considerate smile. "That would be appreciated." I hummed back to him in approval.

He cleared his throat dramatically, his hand on his chest to bat out a breath. "You'll be meeting all the first years, four students each with great ability." He began turning to me with a hand held up, one finger pointing out. "Zen'in Maki, a specialist in cursed tools, she is the best in weaponry combat — and combat in general." He lifted a second finger as he finished his sentence. "Taking after her unique skills is Okkotsu Yuuta," I looked up a little more, my attention further intrigued.

"He's practicing with a sword. Learning the basics and whatnot to control his energy easier — he's really strong." He pointed out then lifted a third finger. "Panda." He simply stated making me blink in confusion and actually look up to him. He was silent for a moment before shrugging. "He's a panda." I didn't ask any questions, just nervously sweat at his straightforwardness. "And finally, Inumaki Toge, a cursed speech user."

"Cursed speech...?" I followed up grabbing the hem of my shirt with my hands. "You'll figure it out." His words had done less than relieve pressure, I was arguably even more confused than before, and with the subtle smile I felt almost scared of what to expect now.

"All you have to do is state your name and what grade you are." He simplified with his hands falling to his sides, carelessly. He still hasn't taken into account that I was absolutely oblivious to all this new stuff — I'm still unsure if I accept it. "If we're all first-years why would I have to — "

"No not like that." He interrupted, smiling at my obliviousness. "Your energy grade." He corrected smoothly. I stared at him with the same confusion I used towards everyone as the world expanded with more knowledge before me. "I don't think I've learned anything but how to be more confused?"

He tilted his head to the side a bit. "You don't know what grade you are then?" I shook my head a few times and he tapped his chin. "No ID card?" I shook my head again, my disapproval seemed to be the one and only consistent thing now. "Then I'll say..." He trailed off stopping beside a sliding door. This was probably the class I was supposed to be in... I wonder how he knew.

"You're probably a grade one."