𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗧𝗟𝗘 𝗗𝗔𝗥𝗞 𝗔𝗚𝗘

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘-𝐓𝐖𝐎 - DOUBT

"You'll be okay."

That was a lie. I knew it well. I've heard it before.

I knew I was destined to die at one point, it was just unexpected that it arrived so soon. Tapping at my door, death greeted me with a careless grin and filthy lies that deceived me. I never wanted to look death in the eyes, I feared what would happen on the other side — what was waiting for me to cross the boundary of life and death and begin my journey of something eternal.

I was a fool to believe in myself. I was a fool to believe others, all they did was lie and deceive with no shame. Or maybe I was simply just too doubtful to understand what their kindness really meant — they believed in me and all I could see was the bad that would come out of it; future relationships that I'd eventually have to watch dissipate along with all the fun and joy.

I was always scared of that thought. I didn't want to lose anyone to the greedy claws of death, and I wanted to convince myself it didn't exist — I tried. It never worked. But I still hadn't given up on ridding the idea that I'd have to watch someone disappear before it would be my own time. I hated losing. But I hated losing others more.

What was there to look forward to after I'm gone. To others I'd only be a hazy and unclear memory that many won't even be aware of. What was there for me? Peace would be acceptable, chaos was despicable but I had no voice or luck in living so why expect that in death. My place was always below others and I'd never make any great accomplishments.

Why was I surprised I was going to die this early? Was it just because of my age? All I wished for was a chance and I was never given it, just belittled and laughed at by the deity above. I expected comfort and consideration, but was hit with something completely different; pain and misery.

I was completely engulfed in darkness, or at least that's what I thought when I closed my eyes. I felt the pitch black emptiness lasted for longer than it should've and my heart started to race. Fear rose through my body and grew like a infection across my organs, panic setting in.

This was it. Right? My final breath would abscond from my lungs and I was done. I can't accept it but what can I do to change it? Fighting hadn't gotten me anywhere, complaining wouldn't do any thing better, and crying was pitiful but something I let happen with ease.

The infinite dark that crowded my mind like ravers in the night held me hostage for what felt like far too long. Maybe I really wasn't just blinking — I knew I didn't want to think that, but it's reasonable. I am weak, after all.

"I'm not going to live am I?" My concerns were voiced in a debilitated croak, my eyes watered to the brim with stinging tears.

I knew someone was there, I wasn't alone.

I wasn't dead. I just didn't want to open my eyes to see what happened. I didn't want to be presented with failure anymore even though I knew it was there. I was aware of my surroundings, of the person by my side and the place I was in. I knew the bare minimum but refused to expand my knowledge from fear. My thoughts were consumed by the simple question: "when will this end?" I didn't want anymore than peace, but the world refused to give that to me.

"I'm not going to let you die."

A small exhale shaken from anxiousness and caution made my eyes screw further shut. I couldn't confront him. He trusted I would succeed but I'm drowning in embarrassment— my own blood. "But I deserve it right? That's why I'm here in the first place. Doubt and fear." I felt a slight tug and I was pulled into someone, a hand on my shoulder, laying in his arms my vulnerability cracked and I was officially crying. "That doesn't mean you deserve death... so what if you're a little scared, no one's going to let you go through it alone."

I didn't respond quickly, my lip trembled until I slowly opened my eyes where my lips parted for a better way to breathe. As the seconds passed it was getting harder and harder to do the most basic human actions — breathing was a big one, and my sense of touch was close behind it. My body felt numbed with terror yet strained with pain.

"It all could've been different, right?" There wasn't a response my eyes settling on the obsidian-haired boy who looked down at me. His eyes were soft and sad, his caring personality wasn't pleased with the conditions I was left in. He solemnly looked at me with small breaths the way he gazed at my expression told me I was his current priority.

"Do you wish there was a way to go back?"

He was silent, his lips parted as he looked almost shocked to hear my question. He was aware of my fatal situation, something I embarrassingly hadn't avoided and took a deep breath; silence lasting too long. "All the time." He finally answered in a quiet tone, something told me there was more to Okkotsu Yuuta that I was yet to discover — something I may never look at. I may never see him or anyone again with how this is playing out.

Salty tears dampened my cheeks and dribbled down my neck, a mix of blood and tears pooled below me. "Hey, wait — just breathe... Ieiri is," He paused and lifted his head to look down the littered halls. "Just keep your eyes open."

"It's okay. I promise."

I doubt it.