Put You Down (Jerry Cantrell x OFC) (Alice In Chains)

Chapter 4

TRIGGER WARNING- Mention of death and miscarriage

We've been sort of seeing each other for about 2 months now. I still work for him but I also join him in 'The Pleasure Room' frequently. Since I have, I noticed no other women have been around the house and he hasn't bought any back from what I've seen.

I don't really know what we have to be honest.

We haven't gone on a date or had dinner together, but friends of his have noticed the way he looks at me.

It's been a long time since I've had any kind of romantic relationship, however I'm not entirely sure that's what this is.

Am I just there when he wants to screw someone? I hope that's not all I am.

Problem is, I get emotionally attached to a guy when I have slept with him more than once. I'm more of a long term person than a friends with benefits type. Sometimes I wish I could be comfortable being a booty call, as my feelings fuck with me.

Depression is a bitch.

Today is particularly difficult for me. The same day every year.

24th October.

I'm cleaning the room me and Jerry had mindblowing sex in again last night. Yep THAT room.

Jerry had me wear PVC lingerie, something I can tell is a big turn on for him. Again we used many toys and this morning I'm cleaning them, as well as changing the bed sheets and having a general tidy.

For a man who is 24 years older than me, his stamina under the sheets is incredible. I've been with guys who are worn out after 10 minutes, but Jerry doesn't even show that he's tired or out of breath.

I walk upstairs after cleaning the room, and notice a red gift box on the counter top in the kitchen, neatly wrapped with a silver bow adorning it.
I walk over to it and read the note on top.

'Els,
Sorry it took so long...but I owed you a new set.

Maybe you can wear it for me sometime ;)

Jerry X'

I smile with a confused look.

I gently unwrap the gift and take the lid off, seeing red tissue paper on top.

I take the tissue paper out and see the gift resting on a the red silk lining within the box.

My smile widens as I see the sexy lingerie Jerry has gifted me.
A red and black lace bra with matching G String...all because my underwear was ruined in the pool that time we first showed any kind of attraction towards each other.

I take out the set and see how incredibly detailed the stitching and the pattern on the lace is. It's high quality, and I am guessing it's probably the most expensive piece of clothing I own now.

This has certainly made my day, even though the day for me is a sad one.

I put the lingerie back in the box and cover it with the lid again.

A few hours later, I'm sitting at the dining table eating a sandwich I made for lunch.
I leave most of it as I lose my appetite. As the day goes on, things become tougher for me emotionally and I clutch onto my locket that hangs around my neck on a small silver chain.

Jerry is back now from his morning of doing press and interviews about his new album, and he joins me in the dining room and sits on a chair next to me.

"Hey Els, everything okay babe?" He asks as he hands me a Starbucks beverage.

"Thanks Jer, you didn't have to, but i really appreciate it." I say, taking the cup and sipping on the coffee contained inside it.

"Are you alright? Did you like the gift?" He asks, drinking from his coffee cup.

"It was beautiful, thank you. I love it." I smile. "I will wear them tomorrow" I wink.

"Make sure I get to see them too...I picked out something I'd love to see you in..." he smirks.

"Oh you will, don't worry about that." I smile back.

"So..."
Jerry's face turns serious now.
"You gonna tell me what's up?"

"Huh? I'm fine!" I smile.

"Really? You're clutching that locket like your life depends it. Tell me...I won't judge." He states.

I take a deep breath.

"Okay...where do I start? Today is a challenging day for me. October 24th, every year I have to remember what happened." I say.
"Two years ago I was in a car accident with my boyfriend of 8 years. We were going to see his folks in Vancouver and it was late. He was really tired and I told him to pull over for the night."

I grip onto my locket tighter.

Jerry notices my sorrow. My bottom lip trembling. He moves his chair closer to me.

"He said he would be okay, but he swerved..."

My speech becomes shaky and groggy now as I remember my tragedy.

"Hey..." Jerry says softly, taking the hand that isn't on the locket into his own.

"The car went tumbling down the hillside just off to the side of the road. It flipped over a few times and I awoke in the hospital." I say, misty eyed.

A tear now falls down my cheek and I find it hard to keep myself composed.

"Shit..." Jerry says, looking concerned.

"They told me that he didn't make it....he...he was pronounced dead at the scene." I say with staggered breaths, now fully tearful.

"Els...I'm so sorry..."
He says trying to comfort me.

"I lost my everything that day. I also lost our child...I was seven months pregnant....I miscarried." I admit, falling into Jerry's arms as I cry.

"I had no idea. I'm here for you babe." Jerry says as I sob within his embrace.
"That must have been fucking awful"

I nod.

I move from Jerry's arms and show him the contents of my locket. My fingers shakily pick at the opening of the pedant and it opens. Inside is a picture of the man who was taken from me.

"His name was Danny..." I say...showing him the image.

Next to that picture was a heart shape and the name Sally.

"The name is what we would have named our daughter...." I manage to say through the lump in the back of my throat.

Jerry takes me into his arms and holds me there for a few minutes while I let it all out.

After I compose my self a little, we sit in the lounge area and talk for hours. About pretty much everything.

I tell him he's the only person I've been with since that all happened just because I find it hard to move on and because of my depression. Jerry makes it easy for me.

No longer do I feel alone, reaching for a hand that won't take me. The darkness in my mind that plagues me everyday seems less when I'm around him.