Love Fool | YoongixMalereader | ✔

| 22 |

When I arrived in Rome and soon went back to school, for a while, I felt alone. Leonardo had talked about transferring himself to another school since it was closer to his own family, and the education he was taking did not suit what he wanted to become in the future, he ended up leaving Rome and I have not talked to him since. I have talked with Hoseok and Jimin since I got back and told them about meeting Yoongi, and how I felt about it. They understood how I felt and tried to cheer me up, but I did not feel much of a change. I ended up feeling alone and sad for a while. 

I mostly stayed alone and did not socialise a lot, I had Loved by my side when I came home from class, but when with Love's company I still felt alone. I knew that running into Yoongi back then made me remember all of those good times we had, and I soon came to realise that I was not over him like I wished I was. 

I went from one day to another and thought about how he was doing, and I hated it. How could I not just stop thinking about him? Just a short while?... But the days and months when on, and soon it was December, and I had not heard from Yoongi. Well, I did get a letter from him where he told me about missing me, that he wished that he could be with me, that we never broke up, but that he understood why I did not want to take him back, that he hoped that I had love left in my heart to give him a second chance when he had reflected and could become a better person for me. But I did not write back, I did not call him, but my father once told me over the phone that he had stopped by to be forgiven by him and my aunty for hurting my feelings. 

But after the letter I had not heard from him, I do know that if had written back he would have contacted me again, and as much as I wanted him to come and see me, I wanted him to reflect instead of rushing everything. 

Sitting in my room with a thick blanket around me, with a book in my hand and Love laying on the blanket I have left on the ground so that Love would not feel cold even with its fur. The radio is playing music filling the apartment with the sound of a piano playing. I read my book about how not every love story has a happy ending. How two people can love each other, one cheats while the other one slowly dies on the outside and ends up killing himself because of the pain he feels. How the cheating person can regret as much as they want, but it will not bring the original lover back, the lover is dead. Sometimes actions have consequences, the cheater had a choice not to cheat, but they did and it ended up killing the other person inside and out. 

I can not help but twist the story around and think about Yoongi and me, just to try and understand it in a different way. Yoongi and I were happy and in love, but his action of wanting to break up because I have a dream caused me to leave and not want to speak to him again. He regrets but I am not coming back unless he changes his behaviour and decides that those words are not going to repeat, ever. 

I laugh at myself to suddenly think about how funny it would be if Yoongi turned up just before Christmas, it would be such a cliché moment that would fit into a love story. I stand up and walk over to the phone on the wall so that I can ring my father up. The phone rings and someone picks it up. "Hello?" A female voice says. It is my mother "Hello, it is M/N" The silence is not loud, but her not saying anything makes me want to hang up "M/N... How are you?" She suddenly says in a calm and low voice "I am fine... What about you?" My mother signs "Better, I have been taking some time to think..." "Think about what?" I look away from the phone and look at Love sleeping on the blanket, Love looks like a fluff ball, not really moving just breathing and sleeping. "Thinking about who I want to be, who I want to become and why I am the person I am..." She stops for a second before continuing "M/N... My dear son... I am so sorry" What? I look back at the phone knowing that she can not see me "For hating how you were acting towards Yoongi... I am so sorry for not supporting you and trying to send you off to some church that will only abuse you because of what I have told them" Damn... This does not feel like my mother at all, my mother is a woman who does not like me being lovely towards any men or just Yoongi in general. My mother cares more about how the stupid church feels, and how she would look in the streets if people knew about Yoongi and me. This feels unreal to me. 

"I realised how horrible I had been to myself, but mostly you. I love you and your father, I did not realise how much I had hurt your father by also hurting you mentally. I am not asking for forgiveness, I am only asking for you to come home one day and be able to give me a smile, maybe a hug, and maybe tell me that you love me when though I have made mistakes..." I let her speak as I slowly smile. I know that I have not forgiven her for trying to send me off to a church. But I am ready to give her a smile, give her a hug and tell her that I love her, she is still my mother even though I hate the way she treated me. "I hope you are doing amazing in Rome, I walked into your room the other day and saw your paintings, I almost forgot how talented you are, ah the painting you painted of your father and me in Greece still makes me smile" I smile remembering how the painting looks like. 

I was 16 back then I painted that, we were in Greece and I begged my mother to buy me oil paint, we sat by the water the whole day because I wanted to paint the landscape. When I was done, I realised that I had painted my parents looking so happy. "Yeah, I remember how much you loved it" She laughs and in the background, I hear someone saying: "Who are you talking to?" It is my father "M/N, we are talking about the painting he did of us in Greece" I listen to my parents talking with love, and how calm they sound "Almost forgot about it, let us hang it up again. Let me speak to M/N" She says goodbye and walks off to find the painting to hang up. He takes the phone and says: "Hey my son, how are you? Are you coming home for Christmas?" "Hey, father... I am doing okay at the moment. Yeah, I am coming home, just have to find a way to come home-" "Great! Let me find a way for you to come home, neither of us can pick you up, maybe one of my friends can pick you up?" I agree to it, we talk for a bit before hanging up. 

I put the phone away and walk over to the window, the snow is slowly falling from the sky and onto the ground. I feel my shoulder letting go of some weight, it feels great to know that I have a chance to get a good relationship with my mother again... I do miss her a bit, not ready to fully forgive, but I will someday.