All Too Well

Falling apart

"Okay where should I start, I don't know Cristina, so much has happened this last two months."
" So I got attacked in the elevator, that's why I'm blind."
" By who?" Cristina asked.
" A few days before the attack, a patient came in the ER, I had to treat him, he had headaches , then he coded on me and became Amy's patient. A few days later I saw him standing before the elevator I was about to take." She stopped and sighted. " We talked a bit and then the elevator came, when the doors closed...when the doors closed he began to, beat me up." Tears came up, and she couldn't speak anymore. Cristina stood up and hugged her friend. " I'm sorry.." Meredith wispered through her tears. She swallowed her tears away and pulled out of the hug.
" I don't remember what exactly happened then, I got unconcious and when I woke up agian I was in a hospital room. Blind."
" Do you have a brain bleading or..?"
" Yes, they couldn't operate on it and it was, is suppose to resolve itself. But I don't know if that's going to happen."
" Of course it is Meredith, it just needs time." Cristina tried to comfort her.
" Yeah, everyone keeps saying that, but it's taking so long Cristina, I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to live."
" Meredith", Cristina said now really serious, " are you depressed? "
She looked up, " Cristina I want to stop, but I can't, I have two kids, I almost had three..." " You had a miscarriage?"
" A little while before the attack..."
" I don't know how to deal with everything anymore, I want to quit but I, I can't Cristina, I know I can't," Mer cried, " I love my kids too much to let them go, and Nick... I can't leave him, he has helped so much. I love him too." Admitted. 'I love you's ' still scared her after Derek.

" Meredith have you talked about your feeling to Nick, to anyone?"
"No" she admitted. " I don't want to let him down, I mean, what will he think of me when he knows I don't know how to keep going?"
" He loves you, Mer"
" Yes I do." Nick said. " Nick...?" Mer was confused, he wasn't suppose to be home yet.
" Meredith I love you, you can always talk to me, you can tell me anything!" He slightly teared up, " you don't have to hide your feelings from me, I thought you knew that?"
"I'm, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I," she got up and tried to ran way but didn't get far without seeing anything, she fell on the ground starting to breath heavily and totally breaking down.
Nick quickly ran up to her, kneeling down next to her and taking her shaking body into his arms. Cristina came too and began to talk to her.
" Breath Meredith, slowly in... and out." " I can't, I can't I'm sorry, I can't..."
She continued to cry uncontrollably, Nick had her in a close grip, trying to stop Mer's body from shaking and Cristina held her hand.
Slowly Meredith's breathing became more even and she stopped shaking. She pressed her face into Nicks neck while the tears were still falling down her cheeks, making Nicks shirt wet.

Nick felt Merediths body relax a bit more. Why was this happening, she didn't deserve this. Why wasn't she talking to him? He didn't understand.
Meredith slightly lifted her head. " Are you okay?" He asked softly kissing her head. " I'm, I just want to sleep. I'm so, so tired." She said. Nick lifted her up in his arms and bought her to bed. " Can, can you say? Please." Nick laid down next to her, she was wrapped in his arms and fell asleep in a few seconds.
When Nick was sure Meredith was asleep he got up and went downstairs. Cristina was sitting on the couch staring in front of her.
" Hey."
She looked up, " oh hi, how is she?"
" Asleep, what, what did she tell you?" He asked.
" She is depressed Nick, she doesn't know how to keep going, but she knows she has to for you and her kids. She's lost."
" Why won't she talk to me Cristina, why is that?" " I have told her she can always talk to me, but she keeps shutting me out." He was desperate.
" She... Meredith has been to an awful lot, I think you know that. She just has a hard time telling people how she feels. She doesn't want to be a burden, and when Derek died, a part of her died with him. She is grieving, she lost a baby and she lost her sight. She lost the ability to do literally anything. She can't see her kids anymore, or you. She's lost Nick."
" I don't know what to do," he sighted, " what do you think I should should do?"
" Be there Nick, be there and in time she will open up, give her time." Cristina smiled.
" But what if it's to late then?"
" Meredith is a fighter, she won't give up again."

( What do you think of it? If you have any suggestions please tell me. )