All Too Well

The great war

It was a few hours later, Meredith and Nick had eaten breakfast were back in there room again, they needed to talk, or at least Meredith needed to. Nick knew how diffecult it was for Meredith to talk about her feelings, but she had to, she had to if she wanted to stop feeling this way. She had been feeling miserable
For the last two months, she'd been having panick attacks and cried an awful lot. She couldn't keep going like this. Nick just wanted to help, but how?

Meredith was sitting on the couch totally zoned out. "Meredith?" He touched her arm, " can we talk?"
She looked up at him, "yeah sure..." He knew she wasn't totally back to the real world yet. With a second he saw her face changing, " do we really have to?" She asked.
"Yes Mer you can't keep going like this! I want you to be happy again, and we both know that you are everything except that." She looked down at her hands in her lap. Nick sat next to her. " What's going on Mer?"
" I, I don't.... I" she struggled, " I just keep thinking about the miscarriage and, and then the attack." She swallowed hard. He smiled encouraging her to keep going. " He keeps coming for me in my dreams, every night I dream of him beating me up. Last, last night, I dreamed that I was still pregnant and that... And that he beat me up and hurt the baby." Her voice broke. " I, I can't d..do this anymore Nick, I don't know how!" She sounded so helpless.
" You're not alone Mer, I'm here for you." He took her hand.
" I keep thinking about the miscarriage, what if I could have prevented it? What if... What if.... I just..." She let out a sob. " Maybe if, if I had, just t..taken a test." Mer took a deep breath before continuing. " I would've been more careful if, if I knew." "Mer, you shouldn't blame yourself, you didn't know.." " I didn't feel well, was just naïve, I'm a doctor, I should've known!" she interrupted him. " But you didn't know, and it happened and the chances that it would've happened if you knew a really high, it happenes to a lot of woman Meri." She looked down. " Don't blame yourself Meredith, please don't." "But don't... You blame me?" It came out so soft that you almost couldn't hear her.
Nick lifted up her head so she would look him in the eyes. His thumb caressing her cheek. " I never blamed you Meredith, never! I love you, so much and I don't want you to blame yourself because it isn't your fault."  Tears came in Merediths eyes. He cupped her face with both his hands, whiping away the falling tears. " I'll love you forever Meri!" She broke, her tears weren't stopping, her whole body was trambeling. She deeply sobbed in Nicks shirt, in which Mer had burried her face.
Nick couldn't help but tearing up too, his heart broke when she told him that she thought he blamed her. He didn't never had. The only thing he had felt was love for her even if he was mad at her, even if she hurt him, he loved her!
Meredith was still crying, not able to stop. All the tears she had held deep down inside of her all this time were coming out of her now.

It felt like Mer had been crying for hours, but she had finally calmed down a bit. She was icy cold and shivered over her whole body. She looked exhausted, and small laying in the big bed.
Nick had gotten some soup from the store across the street and was warming it up for them.
" Hey, how are you?" He asked walking toward the bed with two bowls of soup in his hands. He got up the bed sitting close to Mer. " Numb" she sighed smiling wasn't possible. " Come here." Nick took her in his arms, as she closed her eyes breathing in his smell. A few minutes later Meredith dozed off, snoring light. Nick smiled and tightened his grip on her.

Two hours later Meredith woke up, still in Nicks arms. He looked at her, " thank you Nick.." she said. " For what?" " For being there, and being you." Their lips met, kissing softly. Couldn't it be like this forever?

( Hope you enjoyed this chapter, leave your thoughts. I also made a short Merder story called " you're not sorry" so if you like to read that please do☺️)