Falling Apart

c h a p t e r s e v e n t e e n

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After taking however long to shop, we finally left and are now on our way back to the house.

Surprisingly it took Elias every shop in the mall to find exactly what he was looking for and in a way, than unnerved me.

We're driving back, silence filling the space between us and exhaustion seeping through my skin.

Elias decided to drive, since he could see how tired I was. These little things he does makes me grow so happy but then I go back to remembering exactly who he is and how annoying he can be.

Besides... he completely changed me and at this rate I'm not even sure it's for the better.

Sure, I grew up in that small time, but I also became someone completely different. Someone I never once imagined to be... sort of like my sister.

I'm in the need of sleep. I'm desperate and it's all I can think of, so slowly, I begin to close my eyes.

As much as I try and sleep, I can't. I've never been one for sleeping in the car, I get uncomfortable, so it's something I've never really been up to doing.

Instead I just think. I imagine the perfect life I want. One where I'm married to Elias but he's nothing like he is, and only the opposite.

Kind, loyal, respectful. In love with me.

We have children and live in a large family home.

But with the fact that Elias doesn't love me, nor is he any of those things, I couldn't ever imagine my life really being like that.

And so with that thought, my eyes grow wide open to the sound of my door opening. I notice Elias undoing my seatbelt and lifting me up in his arms.

He shuts the door behind us walking me into our apparent new house, walking up the stairs and laying me down on an air mattress which contains a warm, large duvet and four pillows.

I attempt to get up, to figure out what's going on and how all this stuff is here, but Elias stops with a soft push of his hand and pulling the duvet around my body, keeping me warm.

"Relax. You've been asleep for an hour now. I didn't want to wake you up so I got everything set up inside before I did"

What? How? I couldn't possibly have. I never sleep in the car.... I can't.

As much as I do want to relax and enjoy this comfortable feeling I'm in, I can tell I've been asleep as I'm no longer tired anymore.

I sit up, looking at Elias who's knelt down on the air mattress looking straight at me with those soft, hot, green eyes.

"I'm not tired anymore, Elias" I answer back.

"You might not be. But you're on your period and I want you to relax" he says back. Tucking the duvet underneath me.

I give him a confused expression on my face.

"What?" He says back, curious to why I gave him such a look.

"What is it with you? One minute you hate me, then you don't care, then you say there's a chance for us, then you make me feel crazy with your sexual acts. Elias, you don't make sense and you're mixing with my feelings. What is it you want with me?"

He sigh heavily and aloud, sitting down properly on the air mattress, right besides me.

"I don't know how to act, Merliah. I've never been in a relationship. Hell I don't think I ever will be-

"That's not an excuse, Elias. I never dated anyone either-

"Yes but you dreamt your whole life to marry someone and to fall in love. That's different to someone who never cared of that ever, and only ever wanted the power and leadership"

He is right, he never cared about falling in love and I did, that's why it's so much more harder for me. That's why I'm desperate in this moment.

I feel a sting at my eyes, when a tear falls our, rolling down my cheek. I break eye contact with Elias and look down at my hands which are now shaking.

Elias places his hand on mine, stroking one back and forth with his hand.

"I'm sorry I'm not who you wanted, Mer. But I can promise you that it will get better. I can be better for you, you've just got to give me time, because all this is new to me. I don't know how to be the better man for you." He says, voice low and gentle.

My hands ease and Elias wipes my tear away. I look back up at him.

"Don't let me regret this" he shakes his head, "you won't, I promise. We'll take it slow, ok. I'll just keep... those clothes away for a while. At least until you feel comfortable with me"

I nod my head slowly, laying down comfortably in the air mattress. I prepackaged my head on the pillow, looking up at Elias who shows the most beautiful smile on his face.

A smile I want to see everyday because I can tell I won't get much of it often. Not until we're both ok with each other permanently.

I smile at him slightly, "can you... stay. For a little while?" I ask.

He hesitates ever so slightly, then begins to lower himself into the bed. We both face each other, relaxing into one another's presence.

"Thank you" I whisper. He nods he head, moving his hand to my face and moving a strand of loose hair behind my ear.

I close my eyes, afraid to look into his, afraid to see how he's looking at me.

I don't want my feelings to get any more mixed because of him. Maybe a sleep will help.