Onism

Chapter 21: Harmony feels like opium

After I'd left the shower I'd slid on a white button up and a pair of black slacks. The outfit having been laid out on my dresser since last night.

Vanya- I glanced over at Sonechka who was still curled up in a mound of blankets. The black haired child's face peeking out from a edge in the blanket. The skin around Sonechka's eyes were red with irritation, his nose also a bright red.

Vanya decided he wouldn't wake the other. Sonechka looked so peaceful asleep afterall.

So with that the purple eyed boy settled at the edge of the bed. His legs leisurely hanging off as he decided to stare at the ceiling.

And with that his mind slipped else where.
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Vanya thought back to the feel of sweet tar slipping over his disheveled feathers. He thought back to how they reeled away after his violent refusal. He liked that, that the flames that tasted so beautifully had backed off in the face of it. That those sweet honey like flames had decided that the cloud was a bigger predator. That in the end it didn't force itself on the powerful being infront of it.

We- Vanya had not admitted it to himself but those flames had felt addicting. Like the orange syrup had the ability to make him stop thinking. That those warm flames would calm the searing anger in his gut. That they'd qual the sorrow that throbbed behind his eyes.
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Vanya let out a loud breath his shoulders falling to rest on the quilt beneath him. Man he needed to stop slouching around.

His mom and dad were dead and he needed to get over that. The cloud breathed in deeply, his lungs expanding in his chest. He flexed his tensor tympani, a loud rumble filling his ears. It was a vain attempt at trying to block out the sound of his erratic heart beat.

To be honest it really felt as though they weren't dead, my soul nets that had tied them to me were empty but mentally...Mentally it just hadn't really hit me. An emotional delay I suppose, at least until I felt safe again-maybe? I hope I get a semblance of guilt or sadness soon, cause to not feel anything over their deaths would be even worse.

He glanced toward his little brother before looking over to the clock above the head board.

| 1:07 pm |

Damn he was so stalling, he knew that little sky was probably waiting for him too. Fuck those sky flames had made all his woes dissolve.

Maybe he could indulge In himself and accept the bond-

A loud yawn accompanied the sound of ruffling blankets.
"V-Vanny?"

A small delicate voice called of to me. The simple nickname making my soul bunch up and pure.
The feeling made his eyes water but he squashed it with ease. Cloud flames tended to make their users over emotional.

"Sonny, are you ready to get up?"

"Mhmmm...Can I take a bath...oh, what's for breakfast?"

"We'll have to find out, also yes you can take a bath."

The idea of eating something in foreign territory was grating but there was really nothing he-I could do. Uck I need to stop narrating myself, I have such a bad case of imposter syndrome.

"I hope they have blini or kasha."

Mmm kasha did sound nice but I didn't think I'd be able to stomach eating something right now...when was the last time I'd ate? I think I ate breakfast yesterday...Fuck. My minutes, my hours, my days possibly even depending on how long I'd been sleeping are mashing together.

Gosh did uhhh what's his name...that sky...Yuily! Did he even tell me how long I'd been out?

It's like all the information I picked up yesterday had slipped my mind. My panic no doubt had been a cause.

"-Anya!Vanya!"

Hm?

"Vanya can you hear me? It's like your in your own little world!"

"Eh...Sorry I wasn't listening Sonny. "

"Obviously! Bah! Where's the towels ding dong!?"

"Oh, hey no need for name calling. There in the closet by the sink!"

I think that's where I pulled mine out from.

"Kay!"

It seems like Sonechka was doing okay too, maybe he didn't realize they were dead? Dead as I'm gone forever...Mmmmmm. Or maybe he's in denial too.

Man the ceilings a nice shade of white. Looks like the snow under the sun. Looks like the snow before mama and papa's bloo-

Hmm I don't wanna think. I hate my brain sometimes. I wish I could force myself to forget but I learned a long time ago if you focus on it too much it's harder to forget.

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"Vanya I'm done bathing!"

Already? Time really does fall through my fingers like sand.

"Can you pass me my clothes?"

I could but should I? He's not helpless- but I'm also his older sibling. Your responsible for him are you not? What would mama and papa say Again?

Vanya leapt up from the bed and grabbed the trousers, boxers and white button up from the dresser.

Lazily dragging his feet as he placed it into an outstretched hand. Clothes now acquired the hand pulled it behind the door, the door closing with a gentle click.

Man being a big brother is so draining, so many responsibilities. So many do this do that.

Quit complaining- he's alive be very grateful you spoiled rat.

Man I really am ungrateful huh?

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Sorry it took me so long to post! I hope you can forgive me! I've been kinda just living in my own world!

Also I would like to just say, please avoid telling me to "Update please!"

It's very grating when people hold me to an expectation like this. I write for fun, I enjoy writing. Do not make it feel like a job, I'm sure you all can understand that. I have responsibilities and other hobbies I do as well. So if I'm not updating often then remain patient please!

Have a nice day dear readers!❤️