Chapter 1:

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It was far too easy for me to drown in my negative thoughts. I found myself doing it far more often with each day that passed. I knew that it was just a low phase, that soon I would be happy again. 

It just seemed to be getting harder to pull myself out of the darkness each time I fell.

"Ms. Beavers! Are you even listening to me?" 

My boss, Mr. Sikeouti sternly said while heavily smacking his open palm on the counter in front of me.

I startled at the noise and sat up straighter, focusing on the man's cold brown eyes and deep frown lines. Mr. Sikeouti was the owner, and CEO, of Tachi Incorporation; his wealth oozed from his pretentious pores and disapproving scowl.

"Yes, sir. You would like me to cancel your afternoon meetings, and email staff to let everyone know you will be out of office until next Monday."

"And I need you to rearrange any scheduled meetings between today and Monday. Do you think you can handle that?" He gazed at me down his nose. 

  I once again wondered why I applied for this job. 

Oh right, the money. 

I need money.

"Yes, sir. It is no problem at all." I made sure to keep my tone light and cheery. 

I had already slipped up, momentarily lost in my mind, and couldn't afford to do so again.

Mr. Sikeouti spared me a response, deciding to level me with a cool calculating look, before nodding his head and leaving the lobby. I let out a sigh of relief. At least I wouldn't have to deal with his attitude and sense of superiority for a week. Then I thought of all the meetings I was now in charge of reorganizing as his secretary. 

It was going to take hours

I glanced at the clock, it was  3:00PM; I groaned. Finally, I decided to focus on the meetings that were supposed to take place this evening and any scheduled meetings for tomorrow. Then tomorrow, I will work on reorganizing the rest of the week.

Tachi Incorporation, from what I understood, was a technological research facility. I had been working for Mr. Sikeouti about two years now, and still, he had not once smiled or said a kind word to me. However, I was great at being a secretary. Luckily it paid well enough for me to live in this city semi-comfortably.

Living. 

That thought made me frown, while packing up my bags to leave. 

I was hardly surviving; much less living. 

The sky had darkened, the sun having set easily an hour ago. The city was alive with lights, voices, and the sound of cars. I decided I would pick up a pizza from the corner shop three blocks down before walking the remaining five blocks home. It was small a blessing that I was able to find an apartment so close to Tachi's corporate HQ. 

However, that blessing came with a cost of living in the basement of an old building that was priced ridiculously.

The wind whipped my shortened hair that sat just above my shoulders, across my face, while I pulled my coat tighter around me. The zipper had broken last Tuesday when I tried, too aggressively, to zip it up on the walk home. I cursed myself, wondering why I didn't bring any gloves or a scarf, as I trudged through the slightly crowded sidewalk. It was still early November, but the temperature had dropped significantly faster than last year.

It was when I stepped out of the pizzeria, two steaming slices of pepperoni in my hand, that I realized I didn't want to go home. 

Nothing was waiting for me there but silence and my thoughts. Those I considered friends at one point, hadn't reached out to me in months. My family was busy with their own lives. 

The familiar ache of loneliness entered my body. 

I walked to the park that was a block from my apartment and decided to sit on a bench under a streetlamp facing the park. The cold of the metal seat seeped into my clothes, leeching any heat I had left. The numbness that followed was welcomed as I finished up my last slice of pizza.

I was vaguely watching those who walked past me. Most were on their phones in some capacity. Others were walking with another person, chatting about this or that. The giggle of a small girl caught my attention. 

Looking to my right I saw a young woman, visibly younger than my almost thirty years, with a man who looked equally as youthful. 

The women caught up to the giggling girl, maybe five or six years old, who raced to pet a golden retriever being walked by an elderly man. The woman seemed to gently scold the little girl , while the young man, who I assumed was the father, caught up to the two. He placed a comforting hand on the woman's shoulder and smiled gently at her. The woman sighed as the man lifted the child and twirled her around causing another cascade of giggles to escape the child. The young woman couldn't help her smile, and the family continued walking forwards, briefly passing by my invisible form before disappearing in the crowd.

I felt like crying, because that's what I wanted. 

My own family; children. 

I wanted to be happy and find love. 

I didn't want my mom to be disappointed in me; to see me as her biggest challenge. I didn't want a dad who was the epitome of rage and regret. I wanted my sister to need me still and a brother who cared enough to look at me. I wanted my friends to reach out; to ask how I was and genuinely listen to my answer. 

That would never be my reality though; I knew that. 

All of my prayers consistently went unheard and unanswered. It didn't matter the number of nights I cried to, and begged, a God I wasn't sure was there. I knew it was just this low phase that was making everything so much more negative. I sighed, deciding it was time to return home. 

I need to be up early tomorrow for work.



Authors Note: I hope you enjoyed the first chapter! I currently have 10 chapters completely written & I am working on the 11th. I am thinking I might post  the first five now, and then a chapter a week (maybe more if I get excited). Please let me know what you think :) 

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