The Mind of Kagamine Len

Chapter 5 - I'm The One In Control.

After a small commotion, Teto and the voice went quiet.
Len looked behind him.
There was nothing there.

No Teto.

Thank goodness.

"Voice? Where did you send her?" Len called.

No response.

"Hmm." He thought. "Finally. Peace and quiet."

Len didn't feel like getting up. He sat there.

He tried not to think about Teto, as he did not want to get angry again.

"I wonder why the Voice wasn't mad at me for showing emotion." He thought.

"I hate showing emotions. I was so vulnerable. I hate being vulnerable. I'm supposed to be the one who takes advantage of the vulnerable." Len continued.

Len sat in silence for a while.

"I need to get over these emotions." He decided. "It's useless to feel anymore. I'm dead."

He thought of when the voice had said about human habits.

Len sighed. "It's gonna be hard to get over being emotional all the time," he thought.

Len thought back, before the murders. Ever since he could remember, he was always crying about something.

----------

It started trivial.

He cried because he fell and scraped his knee.
He cried because his food touched other food on the plate.
He cried because someone gave him the wrong type of candy, because they had mixed up Rin and Len's favorites, and he had felt that they had forgotten about him.

As he started school, it continued.

He cried because reading was too hard to understand.
He cried because no other kids played with him.
He cried because the teachers always seemed to be annoyed by him for some reason he never understood.

Despite all this, he kept growing up.

He cried because algebra was too hard to understand.
He cried because no one wanted to be his friend.
He cried because kids kept bullying him for seemingly no reason.
He cried because he failed math and needed to go to tutoring.
He cried because his parents ... in a car....

...

The memory was repressed.

He cried because no matter how hard he tried, his emotions just wouldn't stay bottled up.
He cried because Haku kept yelling at him.
He cried because Haku broke the disc to his favorite game.

He didn't cry when he killed Haku.

The murder was the catharsis he had longed for. A way to ease the pain of the past with a rush of adrenaline.

Ever since then, he never really cried. Perhaps an outburst of anger, maybe an act of self harm, or more recently, terrible sobs.
There were never any tears.

Now, there was no one else to murder. No one to help achieve his ultimate satisfaction.

"Habits don't die with you."

He was already dead. Everyone else is dead. No one is there to be killed.

This habit has to die, too.

But without a release, will he just be longing for the rest of existence?

...

At least he has all of eternity to think about it.

----------

"Stay quiet, or else." The voice commanded.

Oh. They're back.

However, Len was relieved that Teto was not running her annoying mouth this time.

Len looked up at the shadow over him.
"Can you explain why she's here? I still don't get it." He said in a tired voice.

The voice looked down at Len.

"Hmm... I guess you are so used to seeing her in your life that you're imagining some apparition that depicts her." He responded.

"So, she's not real?" Len asked.

"As real as I am." The voice said.

Len was still confused, but he didn't want to spend any more brainpower wondering about it.

Teto stayed completely silent.

"This is exhausting." Len remarked. "I wish I could sleep."

"Just close your eyes for a while, you'll probably be asleep soon." The voice reassured.

Len tried again. He closed his eyes and he let the exhaustion take over.

For the first time since his death, he was at peace.

...

He heard a sound.

A voice.

"Woah!!" It exclaimed. "Where am I??"

"There's no way in hell..." Len said as he suddenly got up.
"I swear if it's..."

"Len? Is that you??" The voice uttered.
"Oh no... oh no no no... I have to get out of here!!"

It was just who he thought.

Rin.