when the stars finally aline

Untitled Part 9

"Hey, James?" Sirius questioned whilst looking aimlessly at the top of his bed. 

"Yes, pads?" James asked back paying more attention to the snitch in his hand rather than the boy asking questions. James, however, is blissfully unaware of how important this conversation was to Sirius, it may have been the turning point for Sirius Black not that he would ever admit that to anyone. 

"Have you ever-" Sirius started before blissfully stopping himself quickly taking a deep breath and finding a way to word this question without coming off as weird or awkward the last thing he wanted was to make his best friend hate him or kick him out or just find him weird just for asking a question like that. 

James stopped daydreaming about quidditch, something in his mind just stopped. Something in Sirius's voice sounded important as if James' full attention was very important all of a sudden 

"You can tell me anything Pads you know this. we are best friends. I will never judge you or tell anyone promise. That includes Remus and Peter too. Okay?" James tried to reassure him. 

"I just- I was wondering if-" Sirius tried getting out but started to panic. He starts looking around fixated on the door. 

"pads-" James starts but realises that his friend needs him and only him so he uses his instincts and slowly takes steps towards his best friend. in a slow but steady pace that can almost resemble that of a gentle deer. 

"Pads it is okay I promise." He concludes before engulfing his best friend in a hug. A hug only a brother can give another. A hug that said a thousand words. A hug that showed he was loved. A hug that told Sirius Black he was indeed safe.

Once the hug was over Sirius suddenly felt immensely better he felt less nervous he knew he was safe. Yes, he was still terrified that someone would walk through the door. He knew other people lived within his dorm and he knew he might just crumble if Remus heard exactly what he was about to confess and he thinks James understood to an extent because without saying another word he used wordless magic to lock the door and place a chair in front of it for extra precautions, drew the curtains to his bed and cast a silencing charm just to be sure 

"Pads you are very much safe in here the lock is locked and no one outside of here can hear us at all. Just you and me."James told his best friend taking his hand and interlinking them to show his support

"Have you ever wanted to kiss a boy?" Padfoot blurted out not looking at his friend in fear of his rejection. 

"Oh, pads. It is okay if this is you coming out to me right now. I wouldn't love you any less you know that. You are my brother until the end of time" James responded looking at his friend

"Yeah, I-I know that I just- I have never kissed a boy and I was wondering what it was like and um so I guess I was asking if you knew what that was like so I mean like- I'm so sorry Prongs. Forget about it" Padfoot rambled looking at the floor and feeling his face become more flustered by the minute 

"If it makes you feel any better, I haven't ever had a kiss let alone a kiss with a boy so I am sorry to say that I am of no help what so ever but if it will help you out with a few things in that little brain of yours. I'll kiss you. It'll mean nothing unless you want it to, just a few kisses between friends" James suggested 

"You'd give up your first kiss to me?" Sirius questioned feeling his eyes with tears 

"Of course anything for my Padfoot" James confirmed 

And that's all it took for Sirius to begin and connecting his lips to James'. He knew it wasn't him he wanted to be kissing but he was still in his denial stage and kissing James though it brought up no loss feeling it cleared up a ton for young Sirius, He knew from that moment he wanted to kiss boys, kiss men. It was completely different from kissing girls and Sirius would know he had worked his way around the entirety of the Gryfindor tower but kissing James just felt different and t was just more confirmation for him that maybe he was not as straight as he thought but Sirius would still be in denial for a long time because Sirius Black had terrible parents and his fears surrounding them and their fears were more powerful than his love for kissing boys.