Bonded

Chapter Sixty Five

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Kavya

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The guilt that fills being as the understanding dawns on Master Qiao's face causes the inside of my chest to feel as though it is crumbling and collapsing under the weight of my own emotion...

Even though the words had come from Ronin's lips and not my own or even Jian's... It still does nothing to soften the blow of the drama my ridiculous hair has caused all of us... Even if Jian and India are still unaware of the fact that the person King Xiang is looking for... Is Me.

And even though I know we danced around the very important information in order to keep India and Jian just a tiny bit safer than if they were made aware... I still cannot help but feel awful and ashamed somehow...  Both for keeping the information from them... And for the fact that we are even in this situation in the first place... it just feels wrong to keep something like this from them.

They both should be aware of what's going on.. and even though they have the basic information, it still doesn't feel like it's enough.

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Ronin

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It is hard... Taking in the tone of the darkened kitchen... The single sputtering candle brought by Master Qiao getting quite low as the lot of us just try and figure out how to breathe... The heaviness in the air as I finish explaining that the King has set his sights on finding the palace's hidden redhead that just happens to be  standing right by my side with ink rinsed through his hair to hide his stunningly firey feature... It's shockingly overwhelming... Even for me...

Something that feels terrifying knowing that Kavya himself has told me that he always can count on my quiet strength and calmness...

"So... You all are telling me this and risking being tried for treason..."

"Because I know you've been giving someone ink for their hair!" before Master Qiao can even finish pricing his thought together out loud oh so quietly as everyone's eyes dart about in the darkness trying to ensure that no one is around to hear us... Jian interjects with a hiss that can only just barely express some of the stress we have all witnessed him trying to work through since his tears first began in the library... Only to be followed by the Master Scholar pulling him closer with a very quiet and very whispered...

"Oh dear..."

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India

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It pains me...

This ill-advised rendezvous.

I want to go back to visiting the kitchens to laugh and giggle over the way Master Qiao absolutely swoons over Jian and his normally carefree antics...

I want to live long enough to have my own moments down here out of sight of others who might judge us with my own two gentlemen who up until now seemed so very happy and possibly open to the idea of holding me the way Jian and Qiao home each other...

But if we are found down here... Talking about what we are...

I doubt any of us will make it to tomorrow much less back to a happier time where the air has less tension and my hands are being held softly instead of strongly and put of need for possible protection from King Xiang's unstable mood.

It truly feels as if I should not even be here...

I should be in our bed chamber studying... With a secreted candle and scrollwork that I truly should not have left any of the libraries with...

I should be worried about controlling my daydreams and weariness during the day and not about hiding such an intense secret...

I should not be worrying over being labeled a traitor...

I should not be whispering while I struggle to keep up with the conversation at hand... Or reminding myself to control my breathing better so that it does not sound as if I am as afraid as I actually am...

And all of this...

Over some stranger with red hair...

Hair that King Xiang could find outside of the palace if only he felt the need to leave it every once in a while.