Bonded

Chapter Seventy Four

...

India

...

Somehow... amongst all of the mixed emotions coursing throughout me... I found myself quite amused and enchanted to find out that when Ronin finds something funny... He isn't quick to drop it.

This is how we have found ourselves sitting among the roses, taking our luncheon with Ronin shaking his head and chuckling so often, Kavya playfully scolding him each time... A side to my two husbands that I haven't really had the chance to see yet on full display for me and Jian alone... But really just me because Jian's mind is understandably in other places...

It's likely that he's focused on our survival and that mine should be too.... But part of me hopes that instead, he's thinking about Master Qiao and the time they manage to spend together instead of something sad that we have no control over.

It feels wrong of me to have enjoyed so much of our morning... Not just the breaks... But the reading... The making of interpretations between flirtations and giggles that have held me together in this time of greatly unexpected stress.

I know I should not let myself feel bad... I shouldn't shame myself for enjoying the company of my new husbands when they have seemed so sincerely interested in showering me with affection today... But that does not mean that my heart and chest don't feel as though they've grown heavy.

...

Ronin

...

It's easy to spot when our reality catches up with India, the change that clouds his face a direct hit to my heart before his mood shifts just ever so slightly... The way he curls into Kavya breaking me all the while bringing me back to the current moment, dampening my giggles overs Qiao's first name.

The laughter curls up in my chest and tucks itself away for dormancy until I find the next thing that amuses me to no end... Hopefully, that happens during a happier and less stressful time in our lives... Maybe on our wedding night or when we all settle into a room together to nest... Just not now... There is too much going on...

While I would love to walk around with a lightness in my chest and pure love in my heart instead of worry, I would...

I just don't know if there will ever truly be a time for it, though... For with two lovers instead of just one, I shall always have something or someone to worry about.

....

Kavya

....

The two halves of my heart get surprisingly somber, whereas before they had not been, and I find my very soul affected.

It would be impossible to soothe the hurt away and comfort them both into a better mood... But I'm afraid all I can do is act as a topical balm for now, for everyone...

It's the least I can do since this mood lingering over us all is most definitely my fault.

I wish I could do a better job... I wish I could offer myself up to spare them somehow without causing pain or risking them by mere association.

I settle for trying to act as though I myself am unafraid... The very same hand that had been caressing India's neck moving to grab the last bite of roast on the platter in front of us in order to feed it to my darling wife... The flush that fills India's cheeks ones that make me hope that his new bite to chew on is enough to distract him however temporarily while I clear my throat, "So what is it exactly that you've both been studying so keenly lately?  Im always too distracted by how pretty you are, India, to really pay attention to the scrolls you've been pulling."