Bonded

Chapter Forty One

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Ronin

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As heavy as my chest feels when filled with the guilt over causing such an awkward tension between all of us in the room due to my own cravings for the two men I love... It's somehow easier to deal with once the four of us are heading back to the same garden that we ate in yesterday with a picnic basket in my hands so that we might eat away from the stares and whispers of the other scholars...

Just being in the fresh rose-scented air soothes me, and I feel as though maybe my companions feel the same with the way easy smiles make their way onto India and Jian's faces as they keep their arms linked while starting to chatter back and forth... The topic of which being the studies that they are making progress with today since they are actually focusing and how they should read ahead so that they might have more free time for Kavya and myself on the morrow...

Somehow even though we caused such a flustering earlier... India still wants to spend time with us... He still wishes to spend his days with us... And for that I am grateful... The sweet look of forgiveness that I think I may be seeing when our gazes connect hopefully actually there instead of my eyes deceiving me...

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Kavya

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Listening to India and Jian babble together lifts my heart in a way I am not sure I could ever vocally explain... The fact that he's making the effort to relax helping to drop the shoulders of my husband Ronin, the stress leaving his body nearly visible with how it rolls off of him in waves...

We had managed to calm ourselves appropriately and for that, it seems as if we might actually be forgiven with how India blushes as Jian says that he'll ask Master Qiao what materials that they should cover and if they can bring a few scrolls back to their room in order to free up their day more... A shy nod coming from our sweet India as he agrees and gives the most charming of giggles...

I do not know how I will ever be able to understand how someone as humble as myself got so very lucky with the two men that have made my heart sing so very loudly... But I hope that I'll be able to show it to the both of them physically so that they know how much I actually adore them both... And that they make me happier than I ever could have imagined...

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India

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It's so refreshing to be in the fresh air after we enter the garden that it somehow feels easier to relax in front of everyone... The smell of the awkwardness that had surrounded us in the library now gone, our nervousness all aired out now that we've moved away from the scrolls that had done such a poor job of keeping my attention...

It feels easier out here amongst the roses... For all of us, even Jian...

There is just something about being able to sun ourselves and feel the heat of daylight pressing into our skin that has such a wonderful effect on us all... It brings out true smiles and releases the tension we all seemed to be carrying so heavily... It brings with it peace and restoration of the jovial attitudes we had been sporting earlier this morning with all of us giggling over the idea of being able to spend more time talking tomorrow and less time studying...

I never really thought that I would one day feel at ease with knowing that the two men who make me smile so genuinely actually desire me... I never thought two men would make me smile... Or that I would ever find a suitor to begin with, much less two...

But here I am... With my arm linked to Jian's, the ever-patient chaperone that he is so greatly appreciated, being trailed by two soldiers that seem to have nothing else in mind but making me theirs so that our souls might all rejoice together as they have been for the last few days...

I somehow feel as if I am luckier in these moments than I ever was really meant to be... And I feel grateful knowing that I have even just the option of spending the rest of my lives with such a wonderful pair, much less having them actually want to spend their days with me as their wife...

I feel blessed... And maybe slightly worried...

For with everything going so right... Everything feeling so right and so peaceful... With us being able to recover ourselves so wonderfully from such an awkward situation...

I feel terrified that something may go wrong...