Getting Better All The Time

Unrequited- Not Quite a Crush Afterall

You know how in every tag game I answered the crush question about the same guy? Yeah, this is about him. I haven't really thought about him in three years & now that I look back, this is how I feel.

•••

At the time I thought it was a crush,
But looking back, I realize that wasn't the case

Everyone around me was crushing & getting into relationships
And I, forever the third wheel

I projected onto you, the desire I had to feel what they felt.
I wanted to experience the typical teen experience from all the shows & movies- from the stories all my friends told me

I didn't even know you,
I had barely spoken to you.
You never knew

You never knew the way I told all my friends about how cute you were- and yeah, in general, you were attractive- but not necessarily to me

You never knew the way they would cheer & tease when I declared to have a crush on you

And frankly, I'm glad.

I'm glad you don't know, because I wish I didn't either

I never felt that way towards you-
Or anyone else, for that matter

I tell myself I'm too young, but when surrounded by a culture of liking people in that way, can I really say that's the case?

I want love- want that connection- but why I haven't felt it yet?

I don't know if it's just not for me, or if I just haven't found the right person yet, but that's alright

Either way I'll be fine

Occasionally, I might get lonely, but then I just text a friend or read a book and I'll be alright again

So thank you, for helping me realize I don't need someone else

Just because romance is so prevalent in our society, doesn't mean you should feel pressure to always be in a relationship

Logically, I always knew that, but emotionally, it wasn't always so clear

So: I've never been in a relationship & I'm fine with that

I am