Rubato - Scarlett Johansson

Part 26

Theo's POV

Leaving New York was a tearful process. I would love to tell you it was mainly the kids, maybe even Flo and Lizzie, who were equally upset I was leaving. Heck, I would love to say it was Scar who was teary over my departure, which she was. But no it was mainly me, or, as I like to say it was primarily grape, who is obviously going to miss their Mommy and siblings, or at least that is what I told everyone because I didn't want to admit I was going to miss them all like crazy. I could see Lizzie and Flo laugh when I said that, which made me cry harder, but what could I do about it? Not like I could pout and ignore them as I had Scarlett yesterday, I was actually standing on the tour bus steps about to leave when this happened. So instead they just received a glare as I squeeze Scarlett even tighter as she tried to calm me down, trying not to let myself get worked up. 

I was majorly regretting my mood swing yesterday which robbed me of half a day of cuddling with Scar. I mean I'm not going to be cuddling with her for basically four weeks and I decided to ignore her the day before leaving, what the hell was I thinking? Now I am trying to squeeze all of yesterday's plus the next four weeks' worth of hugs into the last few minutes we have together. She was being a great sport about it though, whispering sweet nothings into my ear as her thumb rubbed circles over my still-flat stomach, which made me calmer and sadder all at once as it just reminded me she wasn't going to be there to hold me while I was on tour. 

I like to think she was finding this just as hard as I was but given my extra hormones, I'm not sure if that was possible. I don't really know why this is so hard, I have been going on tours since I was sixteen. I have been on more than ten of them in the last twelve years and at this point, I really do spend more time on the road than I do at home, so this should be easy. 

But it's not anymore. Because before the only person I was really leaving behind was Flo, and with the amount of travel she does for work, we normally cross paths while I tour anyway. Yet, this time I have a family I am leaving behind. I have Rosie and Cossy, who I love more than I thought was possible and I am going to miss them like crazy. Then there is Scarlett, who has been my lifeline since the whole Ray thing, and now that I am leaving I don't know how I am going to cope. Not that I have told her all that.

Instead of telling her all the things that were going through my mind, which let's face it was a lot. I mean my mind is always racing and the thought of being away from my family, my chosen family, was just making it even worse than normal. Yet, I kept it all in. What good would it do to have her mind filled with all these thoughts as well? I don't want to worry her. I might need a higher dose of my ADHD medication while I am away though because my brain is so muddled right now I can barely keep up. So I just held Scar tighter, hoping she could tell by the way I was squeezing her what I was thinking. Not that it was possible. In the end, Rory forced us apart claiming we had to go now if we were going to get to Nashville for my next concert in time. 

I was playing two nights every night for the next four weeks hitting fourteen states in the next month. I have no clue really when it comes to American states what's what so I am mainly just doing what Rory tells me to, Luke has been in charge of reminding me where I am every night so that I can pretend I have a clue where I am. It is exhausting but so worth it. So far I have sung two unreleased songs on tour and they are going down well, thank God. 

In fact, I sang 'thank you anxiety' for the first time in Nashville and two days later when I was in Atlanta the crowd was singing along. Honestly, I froze for a second at it all. The idea that my fans had already learnt a song that wasn't even available to stream blows my mind. It took everything in me not to cry on the stage when it happened, admittedly I cried over facetime with Scarlett after. But still, it was a proper wow moment. I managed to hide my shock and the fact that I was now in a frozen state as I turned the mic to the crowd for a bit before carrying on with the show. But it is truly a moment I will keep with me forever, might even be the best moment I have had on tour ever.