The Life of Jessie: Thug Life?

A step in the Wrong Direction

A week later

"Jessie bear, you gotta come out eventually. You can't hide in your room forever," I heard Stephanie talking to me from behind my door.

Since the day I lost the baby I would just go to school and back home. If I thought I was screwed up before, this doesn't even come close. I couldn't believe I lost someone else that meant the world to me, and I didn't even get the chance to see his cute little face, to hold him in my arms, and to see those big brown eye. I knew he would look like his dad, I just knew it. It was only a week but it felt like an internity.

There was a soft knock on my door bringing me out of my thoughts, "Sweetie, can I come in?" I heard my mother say.

Relucantly I got up from my bed and opened the door. My mom was there with Stephanie, Jose, and Oscar they all gave me a warm smile and I just stared at them. I turned around on my heels and headed back to my bed. All my friends walked in and my mom just gave me a look of pity. She had no clue as to why I was so depressed, all she knew was that I just wanted to be left alone.

Oscar took a seat next to me and Stephanie sat on the other side of me with Jose in front of us. Oscar wrapped his arms around me kissing the top of my head. Ever since that night he would come and visit or call me to see how I was doing. He was never the type to show a girl affection, it was kinda weird but I didn't question it. I leaned in more to him, trying to hide from the looks I was getting from the other two.

"Sooo, how you feeling?" Stephanie asked.

"Okay I guess," I said with a shrug.

"Does your mom know?" Stephanie asked, taking my hand in her small one.

I shook my head and said, "No, she thinks my depression thing is back."

Stephanie sighed and rubbed the small part of my back. She only knew some of my...I guess you call it a "defect" but shes never questioned it. Its went far as me having to be heavily medicaid but it seems like they're not even working, so I dont bother to take them.

"Junior has been asking about you," Oscar said.

"He said he's been calling you but you don't answer," said Jose getting up to sit next to Stephanie.

"Yeah I know but I just don't feel like talking to anyone," I said looking down at my hands. I didn't want to talk to anyone period but the friends I had, were very persistent.

"Well he told me to ask you, if your still up to doing that thing he asked you," said Oscar.

I didn't say anything just gave a shrug, but the more I thought about it, it needed it to be done. They took so much away from me, and I wanted them to suffer just as much as I did but even more.

"Tell him, I said yes, I'll still do it, I'll call him later," I said not looking up at my friends because I knew they didn't want me doing this.

Okay, was all Oscar said. He's acting really weird? He was always up to this kind of things but now he doesn't seem so into it. I knew being part of a gang was not what the life most of us wanted, but some were raised around it, and Oscar was one of them because of his father. Me, on the other hand, I was around it and losing someone to it should have kept me away but it didn't, it just sucked me right into it.

Jose and Stephanie stood up from my bed letting out a sigh,"Well Jessie bear we got to get going, and you better be at school tomorrow," she said giving me a pointed look,"and plus its Friday and the school is having a pep ralley and I don't want to be looking like a loner," she said pouting which only made me giggle I seriously spoiled Stephanie to much.

"Okay, I'll be there spoiled chick," I said with a chuckle.

"I know I'm spoiled," she said with a cheeky smile.

She leaned in giving me a kiss on the cheek and Jose gave me a hug," see you later ma," they both said.

"I'll catch up with you later Jose," Oscar said, Jose just gave him a nod.

They closed the door, and an awkward tension spread through the room, and me still being in Oscar's arms wasn't making it any better. I started messing with my nails, and Oscar let out a chuckle, I looked up at him and I knew I had that -what the hell- look on my face because he just started laughing even harder.

"Your so awkward Jes," he said after calming down a little.

"So I know I am, but you do it on purpose," I said crossing my arms on my chest.

"Yeah I know but I find it very cute," he said giving me a wink, which only made me look away and little smile spread across my face but it faded quickly as it came. Why was Oscar flirting with me? At that thought it only made me fidget more.

"Why are you so nervous Jess?" He whispered in my ear making me blush. How is he having this effect on me? Why?

He took hold of my hand, interlacing his fingers through mine,"Stop fidgeting, your making me nervous now," he said so close to my ear I felt his lips brush against it and sent chills through out my body.

"Why are you acting weird Ozzy?" I said not looking up at him because if I did I wouldn't be able to say anything and i knew i was blushing like crazy.

"What do you mean," he said kissing the side of my head.

"Exactly what I mean you have been kissing, holding, and hugging me lately," I looked up at him and he was just staring at me, and the look he had, I've seen that look before,"you've never done it before, or to any girl I've seen you with," I clarified.

He just stared at me, not saying a word, he just stared and I just couldn't look away. He looked down at our hands that I yet haven't let go, his arm that was wrapped around my waist came up to cup my chin, he was leaning in closer or was it me? I guess he snapped out of it and shook his head and dropped his hand from my chin and let go of my hand.

"Umm, I'll see you tomorrow at school," he said getting up from my bed and headed towards the door. I just gave him a nod and he walked out closing the door behind him.

*********

Later that night I finally decided to call Junior. Might as well get this over with. I picked up my phone and dialed his number.

The phone only rung once before he picked up," hello," he said and I could hear some shuffling in the background.

"Hey Junior," I said.

"Hey Jessie, err, how you feeling," he stuttered with his words.

"Better than yesterday," I lied.

"Jessie, I'm so.."

I cut him off before he could finish that," Junior don't say it, there's no point, shit is always going to happen and more is going to happen, so stop saying your sorry."

"What do you mean more things are gonna happen?" He asked.

I let out a sigh and said, " That I'm up to doing that thing we talked about last week."

"Are you sure about this Jessie, you don't have to if you don't want too," he said.

"Yeah I'm sure, I'll see you tomorrow after school and we'll talk about it more, okay," I said trying to end the conversation quickly.

"Alright, see you tomorrow," said Junior before I hung up.

I laid back in my bed, thinking over What I was getting myself into. Maybe after this I'll be done and I can finally get over it and let go. Hopefully.

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So what do you guys think so far?

I know there is some Spanish slang and I'm trying my best to translate it for you all. :)

Well like always much love

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