The Disillusioned Land

Chapter 38 - Purpose

A deep, heavy breath. That's about all I can do right now. As I slump into this chair I can feel the adrenaline leave my body. Nearly instantly I feel the pain from my wounds get worse. I guess I was hurt more than I thought... Looking down at my arms I see Ran's deep slashes and shards of glass staining me red. I need to stop my bleeding... I think I remember first aid... Slowly and painfully I pull each shard out of my arms, trying not to cut myself even more...

"Phew..." Hope I got them all out. Now... I need some kind of bandage. I guess my jacket will work. I slowly take off my already tattered jacket, but I pause. I stare down at the knife in my hand. Its crimson, bright lines have dulled, and it feels heavy in my hand again. It makes me remember the look in Ran's eyes. Her blood on my hand, this knife stabbed deep in her stomach... Was I really going to kill her? At that moment, it felt like that was the right thing to do. I... knew Ran. We were friends. I don't know what I would have done if she didn't leave. I... hate that I don't know. My gaze hardens on my knife. I silently start to cut apart my jacket for bandages. Slowly and clumsily I wrap my arms, just enough to stop myself from bleeding out.

I tighten the last knot, and sink back into my seat. A deep exhale leaves my body. I did the best I can with what I have... I hope it's enough. My head shifts to look out the train window, watching unblinking eyes speed past. Part of me wants to go help Reimu and the others, but I doubt I can even do much right now. My head stays still as my eyes look around the destroyed carriage. There's a strange sense of... peace, right now. Just me, the sound of whipping wind, and her eyes staring down at me.

...

Our footsteps echo across the halls. I hear the distant sounds of scientists hard at work. I nervously turn to the woman leading me, her many... tails swaying as she walks.

"Hey, um..."

"Ran." She answers the question I didn't even ask.

"Ran. Yeah, am I in trouble?" I hear her slightly laugh in front of me.

"No, no. Why do you think that?"

"Well, I got called to the boss' office without hearing why... and you've been pretty quiet this whole walk..." I sheepishly scratch my face after I say this, prompting another laugh from her.

"Don't worry, Lady Yukari simply wishes to speak with you." 'Lady' Yukari, huh...? She turns and smiles at me, still walking. "Your work has impressed her quite a bit." Even if she says this, I can't make myself less nervous. We both go silent again as we take staircase after staircase up to Ms. Yakumo's office. We finally reach the long hallway leading to her, and Ran knocks on the door. "Lady Yukari? I've brought him as you requested." A couple seconds of silence, then...

"Come in." Ms. Yakumo's voice rings out from behind the door, and Ran leads me inside. I see my boss sitting at a table, an empty seat directly in front of her. She motions her hand for me to sit down, and I quietly do so. "Ran, please make us some tea." She smiles at Ran, who joyfully smiles back. She leaves us alone in silence, with Yukari Yakumo staring straight at me. No, it'd be more accurate to say she's staring right through me. I can only try to avoid her gaze for so long, so I speak up.

"U-um, Ms. Yakumo? Why was I... brought here?" I nervously look into her eyes, her expression hasn't changed this whole time. She's still just slightly smiling. Before she has a chance to answer, Ran returns with the tea. Ms. Yakumo gently takes a sip and turns to Ran with a loving smile.

"Thank you very much, Ran. You may leave us now." Ran silently bows, and walks out of the room. Another moment passes between us while she drinks her tea. I still feel too nervous to try and drink it myself. She places the cup down and looks at me. "You wanted to know why I brought you here, yes?"

"Y-yeah... that lady, Ran, said you were... impressed?" I ended that with a slight chuckle, and she responded with a melodic laugh of her own.

"Yes, very! I believe that with you" she extended her hand at me, "we can truly help Gensokyo become a better place. So I've decided to promote you, what do you say, Ryan?"

...

I slowly open my eyes. My arms still hurt. I must have passed out from blood loss, huh... I run a hand down my face. Figures I'd remember that now... I told Yukari I wasn't here to reminisce, and here I am... I softly laugh to myself, then I realize. It's quiet. My head jolts up. The train... is stopped. I quickly jump out of my seat. The train doors are all open. I walk out of the train slightly, to see cracks appear in the void of eyes. The light bends and contracts as far as I can see. Seems like we've reached this place's limit. A small path leads from the train, to a lone door cast in an inexplicable light. I know I should wait for Reimu and the others. I know it for certain. But... I start taking heavy steps towards that door. My soul cries out, telling me that I need to do this. Alone. I reach the solitary door, take a deep breath, and open it. The door slams tightly shut behind me. That's fine, I wasn't planning on going back. An endless hallway expands in front of me, but I know I'll reach the other side. I walk, and walk, the sound of my steps, my only companion. I finally see it, another door. I know Yukari is there, but there's no fear in my heart, only unwavering purpose. I approach the last door, and tighten the grip on my knife. My hand reaches for the doorknob, but... I figure I might as well knock. A quick three taps on the door, and I wait.

"...After all this, you still knock at the door?" Yukari's voice rings out from behind the door, slight amusement in her voice. I remain silent. "...Come in then." I open the door, once again coming face to face with Yukari. She sits alone, at the end of a large room. We both stare at each other, her deep purple eyes burning into mine. Neither of us speak for what feels like an eternity. I am the one to break this silence.

"There's no reason to repeat what both of us already know. My stance remains unchanged. It's time to end this, Yukari." She scoffs.

"You say that, but you came all by yourself. Especially in..." I see her glance down at my arms, a hint of remorse in her eyes. "...that state... What do you hope to accomplish, Ryan?"

"I figured it only made sense, we both started this, no reason to involve anyone else."

"...Do you truly understand what you're saying?" She looks at me, somewhat confused. I shrug.

"Not really. I don't understand why, but this just seems right to me. No Reimu, no Ran, and none of your new 'friends'. Just you, and me." She looks down for a few seconds, before-

"Pff- heh, ahahahaha!" Yukari bursts out laughing. A pure, happy tune. Not a hint of malice in it. She laughs for a while, and a smile grows on my own face without me realizing it. "You-you really haven't changed, have you, Ryan?" She finishes laughing, and sadly smiles. "Maybe I really was the one that changed..." She softly says this to herself, just loud enough for me to catch it. "Fine then!" Yukari's eyes once again lock with mine, a newfound light in them. She rises from her chair, and the door behind me disappears into a gap. "Just remember, dear, this is what you asked for." I take a stance, and raise my knife.

"I know."