Church and Tucker are behind a rock with bullets hitting the canyon wall behind them.
Church: My god, doesn't that thing ever run out of bullets?
Tucker: You know, in hindsight, we should have brought the tank. Or, y'know, paid attention during Daniels "Vehicles and how to Avoid Getting Killed by Them" Classes.
Church: Hey, Tucker, what good is a tank gonna do us if nobody here knows how to drive it? Or those I'm willing to admit can do something I can't. Another thing, we both know those classes would've been stuipid.
Tucker: Yeah, I can see how hiding behind a rock is a much better strategy.
Church: Well, yeah, but... oh man, I guess I gotta give that one to ya. But I'll never admit that Daniel's right! The day I admit that is the day I die!
Cut to Caboose hopping in the tank. As the canopy closes, the tank turns on. Daniel doesn't get there in time.
Daniel: Damnit Caboose, you should've let me drive!
Tank: Hello, and thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank. You may call me Sheila.
Caboose: Sorry Daniel! Hello. Sheila. Big tank lady.
Sheila: Would you like me to run the tutorial program?
Caboose: Oh, that'd be very nice. Thank you.
Sheila: Tutorial program activated. This program is intended to instruct non-certified personnel in the use of this Scorpion class tank. Let's begin with some driving.
Caboose: Okay.
Daniel: Whoa whoa man hold on stop driving into me! Stop driving! Break break! OW!
Caboose: Tucker did it!
Daniel: No he didn't!
Cut to Simmons firing the Warthog's gun with Grif on the ground behind him.
Grif: Simmons. SIMMONS!
Simmons stops firing, and steps down.
Grif: Man, that thing is loud.
Sheila drives by in the background with Daniel resting on top of it.
Simmons: ...WHAT?
Grif: Come on, let's sneak around the back of the rock and get 'em out.
Simmons: OKAY.
Grif: Keep it down! Jesus. Let's go, before they figure out what's going on.
Cut to Caboose having Sheila stranded on a tall rock and turning to try to get off.
Sheila: Now that you've mastered driving the M808V, let's move on to some of the safety features.
Caboose: No, no, wait, go back! Why are there six pedals if there are only four directions?
Daniel: There's only two pedals that matter, Accelerator, and Break, those are in the center of all the pedals.
Caboose: Oh right, thanks Daniel! Glad you're not mad!
Daniel: Yeah, when I can walk again, I'm gonna kick someone's ass.
Caboose: Is it me?
Daniel: ....
Caboose: Is it Church?
Daniel: ..... Maybe.....
Cut to Church peeking out from the side of the rock. Tucker is still standing behind it.
Church: (whispering) Psst, hey, they stopped firing.
Tucker: Why are you whispering?
Church: (whispering) Uhm... I don't know.
Cut to Simmons and Grif standing at the foot of a cliff.
Grif: Aw, crap, I don't think we're gonna be able to get around this way.
Simmons: Tell me again, uh, why did we get out of the jeep?
Sheila rolls up right behind them.
Grif: Well, I guess it was this or sit there and watch you shoot rocks all day long.
Sheila's turret looks at Grif, then at Simmons as they speak.
Simmons: Well, at least that was fun.
Grif and Simmons turn simultaneously to see the tank.
Grif: Holy CRAP. What in God's name is that thing?
Daniel: 'Sup Reds, do you have any medical equipment I can borrow? Broken foot and all.
Cut to Church and Tucker looking at the vacant Warthog.
Church: Tucker, don't be stupid. They're just trying to draw us out.
Tucker: No they're not, look - they left the jeep. They're gone.
Church: Well, I don't know about this. It seems pretty fishy, but... alright screw it, let's go get it.
Cut to Sheila's HUD. Her cross hair slowly homes in on Grif's head.
Grif: Dude, hold still. I don't think it sees us.
A tone goes off indicating target lock.
Daniel: This isn't a dinosaur, and you better start running!
YOU ARE READING
Red Vs. Blue: Agent Utah
FanfictionUtah or Daniel, was once a Freelancer, an underdog at that. When he discovered what the Director was doing, he banded together with Tex and York in the mission where they ultimately failed. Now in hiding, he finds himself surrounded by idiots and he...
