They both enter the apartment, Finn takes off his shoes and Millie takes off his jacket. She goes to her room while Finn stays in the living room. He walks to the record player and starts going through the vinyls.
Millie is in her room, she's wiping off the makeup, removing her jewelry, unzipping her dress but realizes she can't reach it. She sighs out of frustration, she's contemplating on just ripping it but decides not to as it was quite expensive.
"Finn?" she calls out, second later he appears. "Can you help me?"
He nods, stepping forward. his hand reaches to the zipper, slowly he pulls it down while Millie holds on to the dress so it won't fall.
"Thanks,"
He smiles and then walks out, giving her privacy to change. When she walks in the living room she has changed into sweatpants and oversize sweater. Finn had finally picked a vinyl and placed it on the record player.
The song begins to play, "Dance with me?" he asks holding out his hand.
She smiles, "You know i'm not the best dancer."
"And you know that we'll figure it out together"
She grabs his hand and he doesn't hesitate to pull her to him. Her hands wrap around his neck and his settle above her waist. they both sway side to side, their eyes never leaving each other's.
"I think we're getting better at dancing," she comments.
He laughs, "we're professional dancers now,"
The song melody picks up to a faster beat, he pulls her away and spins her. She laughs as he does but when he spins her twice she looses her balance.
He catches her before she's able to fall, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Sorry I got dizzy," she states.
He walks her to the couch, "When's the last time you ate?" he kneels to her level.
"This morning," the lie rolls of her tongue.
"I'll make you something to eat," he stands up and stops the music playing.
"It's fine-"
"Millie," his tone stern. he walks to the kitchen and pours her a glass of water. He hands it to her and then goes back to the kitchen and begins cooking. She stays seated on the couch, drinking her water while Finn cooks.
Once he finished cooking he set the plate in front of her, grilled cheese. Finn made himself a grilled cheese as well. She grabs a piece and takes a bite of it, knowing that if she doesn't he'll ask questions. "Are you okay?" he asks.
She nods taking another bite of the grilled cheese. "we should watch a movie."
"Sure. I get to pick this time." he grabs the remote and begins to look through the channels. He notices the way she's acting as she eats her food. He doesn't want to assume anything but he also doesn't want to pretend like he doesn't notice that something is going on.
"Hey mill? you'll be honest and tell me the truth right?"
"What?"
"Did you... are you.." he tries to find the right words to say but can't. He looks at the unfinished food, the water almost finished. "Did you relapse? Is this about your eating disorder?" he asks.
She scoffs, "As if you care."
"Of course I do. How can you think I don't? I was there for you-"
"You were there until I got better," she states spitting out he truth "and then you left!" she yelled. "You left like everyone else did."
"I didn't-"
The door opened, Ayla disrupting the argument that has risen up. They both stop mid sentence as they look at Ayla.
"Everything okay?" she asks as she takes her shoes off.
Millie nods, "Yeah. Finn was just leaving."
He looks at her in disbelief, but does not argue, "Yeah, goodnight." he grabs his stuff and walks out the door.
Millie crosses her arms, biting her lip. she's about to cry, how pathetic.
Millie walks to her room before Ayla tries to ask what happened. She bites back her tears, she pinches her skin to direct her pain to somewhere else. She stayed awake that night just like every other night, never getting enough sleep. Her under eyes getting darker and makeup not doing much to help cover them.
Finn
can we talk?
mill please.
i'm sorry
--
"How was the bands performance?"
Millie was in her weekly therapy sessions. She hates coming, she hates everything about it. She's always liked to do everything on her own. She's never one to ask for help and with this, well she has no other choice but to let someone help her. It's a form of weakness, because at the end once they've fixed another broken soul they just leave and move on to the next.
"It was good they um did a great job," she continues picking at her skin.
"Is there anything you want to talk about?" she asks. "You haven't said much. everything okay?"
"I had an argument with Finn," she states finally looking up. She sighs and sinks deeper into the couch.
Winona puts down the notebook, "How do you feel?"
"Like shit," her leg bounces. "I'm sick of everyone treating me like a child. I'm tired of everyone being so cautious with me like i'm going to break. I want them to treat me normal. I want to be normal."
"They are just worried about you. You're not normal Millie, no one is normal."
She scoffs, "Is this how everyone's going to react from now on? that i'm this fragile, weak girl that's going to relapse any second."
"You're putting up a defense mechanism. You're tired of how they may see you, I understand but they also want to be able to help you. I know you want to pretend that it didn't happen but it did happen Millie. You developed an eating disorder.
"I just don't want this to define me," her voice breaks. "I didn't want any of this. Why did it have to be me?"
"I understand that you want to be normal. You have made yourself believe that you are but deep inside you are not, and that's totally fine. People with eating disorders don't just achieve it and it's gone forever. Millie it's a constant battle every day."
"I know. I just hate it. I hate myself for not being strong. I hate that i'm not getting better."
Winona grabs her hand, "Hey don't belittle yourself. You are doing the best you can. I am proud of you." she gives her a warm smile.
It's been so long since anyone had told her those words, I am proud of you.
"Thank you."
"You know what this means right?" asks Winona.
She nods, "I know."
"One week in the treatment center and a meal plan will be provided. You'll be assigned a nutritionist, monthly check ups."
--
it's national eating disorder awareness week. you are enough <3
to anyone struggling you are always welcome to message me or if you just want to talk, i am here :)
ily 💜
YOU ARE READING
Normal//fillie
FanfictionA year has passed and so much has changed for starters they are all in college some are closer than others. They've grown up and with that comes change, changes that you wouldn't believe. Millie is still fighting her battle that everyone thought she...
