Normal//fillie

Chapter 1

353 days without him, that soon turned into a year,365 days. She couldn't stop those negative thoughts from entering her mind like it was her fault that he ignored her. Maybe if she was normal and didn't have a eating disorder then he wouldn't have ghosted her. 

But in the end she knew that he is better off without her , it'll just take time for her to realize thats she's better off  without him.

The first month was the worse for her, the amount of tears that were spilled out, the silent cries, the ache that she felt in her chest, the feeling of not being good enough, everything being your fault. 

He left her, while she stayed there hurting but it was okay because she liked the way it hurt, it made her feel numb.

He was always the one to make her feel important, make her feel good enough but in the end she was never good enough for him, for anyone.

Never being good enough

It was the beginning of summer break she was finally done with school work, well almost she still had one more exam to do but then after that she was done. 

she didn't really have any plans for the summer, she'll end up visiting her mother for a week or two and then probably just go to the beach with her friends.

She was on her way to her class to finish her last exam, she wasn't worried about it since she has an A in that class.

Once she arrived she took a seat on an empty chair, the room started to get filled more and more by students. The professor then gave out the exam and started the timer. Once she was done she handed it in making sure it was perfect, error free. She grabbed her stuff walking out of the class and making her way to her apartment. 

She shared the apartment with Ayla, she was a bit taller than Millie with beautiful straight dirty blonde hair that reached to her waist. She was funny, a bit dramatic a times, loves having fun, and meeting new people. She can be a bit rude at times but she is a sweet and caring person once you really get to know her and is also in a band.

She sat down leaning her back against her headboard she sighed before grabbing her journal which was more of a diary. It's were she writes down her feelings, what she did that day etc. her safe place in a way since she's the only one that reads it. She began doing that ever since she began going to the therapy meeting with her therapist at least once a week.

She only did that because she promised she would, she promised him. 

It was 3:30 am in the morning, Millie couldn't sleep. The whole group was at her house since they wanted to have one final sleepover together since Finn was leaving in the morning. 

"Mills, are you awake?"

She turned her head to see Finn's freckled face in the dark his eyes starring back at her. 

"Yeah, I can't sleep" she can't stop thinking that he's leaving, he's only going to be gone for a month but she can't stop those thoughts of him leaving forever cross her mind.

"Me either" he whispers 

She gets up pulling the blanket off of her body, then standing up. Finn doing the same as her. She went outside he followed her. 

"I saw a paper about therapy for you" he says making her looked down fiddle with her fingers.

"Yeah um Mia suggested it to my mom she thinks it's a good idea but i'm fine, i'm okay I don't need it"

He places his hand on hers to help calm her down, to reassure her that he is there for her, always, "Promise me that you'll go"

"What?" she asks looking up at him

"Promise me"
"I know that you're doing better, I think that therapy will be good for you. To have someone to talk to while i'm gone"

Therapy, to treat a disorder, a disorder that caused her to loose herself completely. Made her question her worth. Made her feel insane as if she was a freak for not being normal.

He holds out his pinky "Promise"

She looks at his extended pinky then at his dark brown eyes, she sighs before wrapping her pinky to his, "Promise"

A smile appears on his face making one appear on hers as well. He then disconnects his pinky pulling her into a hug. She wraps her arms around his waist hugging him tightly. She inhales his scent making her feel at home, feel safe. He places his chin on top of her enjoying the hug, the touch, how good it feels being with each other.

She sighs starring at the blanks space. no matter how many times she tries not to think of him, she always does. Her mind always drifts to him, always even when she knows she shouldn't. So she begins writing on the blank space about him.

I have to admit, I always hoped that no matter how much time had passed or how far apart we drifted- it would be me and you in the end.

She sets down her pen exhaling "we can always begin again" she says softly, pain, in her voice.

She knows that they can always begin again, put the past behind them, put everything behind them but she just can't, she can't do that.

It's just too much for her. She can't forget, she really can't. No matter how many times she's tried she can't. She hates thinking of the past, remembering those memories and wishing how differently things could have worked out.

But in the end the universe just didn't want that for them and she just has to accept it, that they weren't meant to be.

--

So umm.. shit, damn, wow, *crying noises*

there are times where i'm like wow damn wtf why do i keep breaking ur hearts and write sad shit but then i realize that's the only thing "i'm good at" i mean sad shit is superior ngl.

Let me know your thoughts 

bye <3