Normal//fillie

chapter 19

Its been a whole day since she last saw him, since the argument. Her phone buzzed from so many missed calls and text messages from him. She ignored them all. She can't bear to be around him right now. 

She doesn't understand why she's so upset. Of course it hurt when he had ghosted her for a whole year but she shouldn't have let him back in her life so easily. She should have told him how he made her feel like shit that whole time they were apart. She should have told him that the day they saw each other again. 

But she didn't. Instead she pushed it back and pretended like it was all okay. She finally expressed how she felt thinking that it would make her feel better but it did the opposite. She felt as if she had no right to express her thoughts. 

She hates how easily he can make her smile, how her heart skips a beat when he's with her, how her dimples are always showing when he's around. She hates how he's the only one that can make her feel like that. Because no matter what she can never fully hate him.

Millie finally got out of bed, the stack of plates on her dresser were piling up. She hasn't eaten. It felt wrong to deprive her body from food but she couldn't bring herself to eat. The day was almost over, the sun was going down. Golden rays of sunlight were coming through the sheer curtains in her room. 

She made her way to the small desk, sitting on the chair and grabbed her journal. Her journal next to the small pile of letters that she wrote to him. Yes, she's still writing letters to him, even though he'll never read them. She'll make sure of it.

She makes a new journal entry and writes about her day. Writing has been a great way for her to vent. No one else will ever read her journal filled with her thoughts. It's been a great tool to cope with her past.

Once she's done, she sets another letter on the pile. The sun no longer visible makes her realize how late it is. She gets up and grabs a sweater and slips on her sandals and decides to finally go out. She goes out through the back door to not bump into her mother. She doesn't want to explain why she's been in her room the whole day.

Once she's at the beach, it's like she can finally breath. The beach has always been her happy place. Her safe place. The sounds of the waves crashing against the rocks, the cold breeze hitting her skin causing a slight shiver. The smell of the salty water, it was so calming. 

Until he showed up.

She doesn't understand why but she can feel when he's near. He didn't have to say a word but she knew he was standing a few feet away from her. When she looked at him she didn't expect for him to be holding one of the letters she wrote in his hand.

--

Finn was pacing back and forth in his room nonstop while he kept checking his phone every second. She still hasn't responded back to any of his calls or messages. He hasn't slept, his anxiety being one of the reasons as to why he was up all night. 

It was dark out already, he finally decided to go check on her. He walked to the beach house, the house being right next to his parents house. Her mother opening the door for him. 

"Oh hi Finn," she greets him with a smile.

"Hi. Is Millie here?"

"Yeah. She's upstairs. Maybe you can make her come down and eat something," she held the door wider to allow him to enter.

He doubts he'll be able to get her out of her room, but it's worth a try. He walks upstairs and stands outside her door. He knocks twice, but doesn't get a response. He knocks again, nothing. 

"Millie?" he says. "Can we talk?" still there is no response. He twists the doorknob open, he shouldn't but he just needs to make sure she's okay. He steps inside to see her bedroom empty.

He see's the untouched food sitting on her dresser. Her unmade bed. The journal catches his eye. He walks to her desk and grabs the paper that has the words Dear Finn written on it. He walks out of the house with the letter already knowing where she is.

Once he's at the beach, he see's her standing on the sand watching the waves. He's not sure how to approach her without her walking away from him, even though he deserves it. He's about to say something but she turns around, facing him. Her eyes immediately fall to what he's holding.

"Where did you get that?" she asks pointing at the letter in his hand.

"It was on your desk. I'm sorry-"
she tunes him out, worrying if he saw the other letters she had written to him. She wrote him a letter every day after he left.

"You were never supposed to find the letters," she tells him.

"Letters? There's more?"

"It doesn't matter." she shakes her head looking away from him.
It doesn't matter that she wrote him a letter every single day. It doesn't matter that she'll never have the guts to give them to him. It doesn't matter that.

"Mills," he steps closer to her. "Please just talk to me. Tell me everything." he pleads. "And if you still want me to leave you alone then I will. I'll leave for good, I promise."

Her heart breaks at those words i'll leave for good, i promise she can't imagine her life without him. if he would have told her that two years ago she would be so happy about it but now imagining her life without him gives her no reason to live. She loves him too much to loose him forever.

"Did you read the letter?"

He shakes his head, "It didn't feel right to read it."

"Go ahead and read it." she says and so he does.

Dear Finn, 

Last night you told me you love me, that you never stopped. My heart skipped a beat for a second and I got butterflies in my stomach but I can't help but wonder if it was a lie. I walked away and left because as much as I want it to be the truth, there's a part of me that doesn't believe that you can love a damaged girl like me. I hate that I can never hate you for what you did. I blame myself for it. Even after all of this, I still love you. I don't think I can ever stop loving you. That's how badly I've fallen for you. I hope one day it'll work out between us........

Once he's done reading the letter, he's speechless. He doesn't know what to say to make things right. All he can do is apologize but even that isn't enough anymore. She let him read her thoughts, she chose to be vulnerable to him.

"I know I can't fix everything. I am really sorry for what I put you through."

"I know, Finn. But maybe some things aren't meant to be" she says referring to them. Because if it was meant to be then they would've been by now.

There's a moment of silence, Millie sat on the sand and Finn did the same. They both looked at the ocean. Hearing the sound of the waves and the chirp of the crickets in the distance. 

Millie turns to him, "I forgive you Finn."

She looks at him, his wide eye expression. "I'm tired of feeling sad or angry. I don't want to feel like that everyday. I just want to forget it all and leave it in the past and start again."

"Okay," he wasn't sure how to feel about it. of course he was glad that they were going to move on but at the same time it felt like she was saying that to avoid talking about it.

"You think things will ever go back to how they were?" she asks

"No," he shakes his head. "Things will only get better from now on."

he'll make sure of it.

--

idk about this chapter

next chapters will go by quick with lots and lots of fluff

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byeeee