behind closed doors : seoksoo

011 : hong jisoo

they both sat on the floor, chan cross-legged whilst seokmin's legs were sprawled out before him, their backs pressed against one another's, the room becoming filled with a silence, a silence that wasn't awkward nor comfortable.

"chan," seokmin spoke out into the silence, taking advantage of this moment the two of them had alone, "if i tell you why i stopped you from shooting him, you have to promise me you won't tell anyone," he knew he had to rid of the quiet, break through the thickness of the atmosphere, already knowing what was spiralling throughout the younger's mind.

a singular hum of understanding came from the younger.

seokmin allowed a hefty sigh to escape his lips, as if even a simple breath had lifted a weight from his shoulders, "well, you see, he may or may not be my ex," he explained in sparse words, his voice growing quieter as he neared the end of his sentence, finding himself at a struggle to dare touch upon the subject.

"oh," came chan's reply.

"oh," came his voice again, this time more full, more understanding as he allowed those words to replay in his mind over and over. it had only taken those mere seconds for chan to realise the reason behind seokmin's actions, however, the reason only piled onto the guilt he found himself drowning in.

and so, seokmin explained how it started, to how it ended between he and jisoo; all whilst leaving out parts he deemed insignificant or simply couldn't bring himself to tell.

"do you still love him?" came the question chan had wanted to ask the most, for he knew that whatever seokmin answered with now, was the route to the future he had chosen to take.

"love?" seokmin's whisper came out in a puzzled tone, his eyes falling to the design of the wooden floor. love was a strong word, not one that could just be thrown around at ease. he chose not to answer, the reason being because, in fact, he didn't know how to answer chan's question.

chan could sense this and grinned whilst rolling his eyes softly, "i'll put it simpler, how did you feel when you first saw him?"

seokmin thought back to the ball they had been invited to, a quiet, childish giggle managing to escape from his lips whilst his eyes squinted to sunrises, "i chased after him."

"why?" chan felt relieved upon hearing the older laugh once again.

"because," he began, the smile never fading as he thought of the older, chan even felt his shoulders relax behind him as he continued to speak, "well, i always thought that if i were to ever see him again, i'd want nothing to do with him," he spoke hoarsely, as if he didn't want anybody to hear him say such a thing, as if it was forbidden, "yet, when i saw him, all i wanted to do was fall into his arms, embrace him, to never let go."

there was then a moment of silence, seokmin felt he had touched upon the subject rather well and needn't continue, whilst chan felt himself coming to accept the older's sudden confession to past connections with the paragon.

"can i know his name? he is new and all, i haven't had the chance to find out yet," chan relaxed against seokmin's back, closing his eyes as tiredness took over, feeling whole once again. overall, glad the older felt comfortable enough to share a portion of his past with him.

"jisoo, hong jisoo," came the other's reply, him too closing his eyes as he sunk further against the younger's body. him and chan had always managed to find such tranquility within one another, one that nobody ever did bother to look for, they confided in one another and became the other's safe place.

"i won't tell anyone," chan smiled to himself as he fiddled with the drawstrings to his joggers, he let out a weak chuckle as he leant his head backwards, resting it against seokmin's shoulder, "at least one of us deserves to be happy, right?" his words hinted at sadness, as though he knew happiness wasn't at reach for the two of them, yet he simply enjoyed the way the words rolled from his tongue.

"what will you do next?" came his final question, one he felt was the most important of all.

"i'm not sure."