behind closed doors : seoksoo

21 : out for the night

seokmin's body had moved itself into a more comfortable position whilst being unconscious. the aftermath of the laying situation however was not all too good. the left side of his face had to be peeled from the floor, dried blood finding itself in almost every crevice of his features- strands of his hair became twig-like due to the desiccated substance. the puddle beneath him had travelled the distance to his upper wear, his grey jacket now a maroon shade, his joggers matching too around the waistband.

he allowed his eyes to slowly raise to the small window opposite him, the sky was pitch, barely any stars in the sky- they must have been chased away and hidden by the murky clouds.

he wanted nothing more than to change into a fresh pair of clothing; the feeling of sweat and blood dripping fabric sticking to his skin caused him to shiver in discomfort. he raised his left hand to wipe the sweat dripping from his forehead- the heat radiating from his body definitely came as a shock due to how cold he felt, every now and then his bottom lip would tremble due to the temperature. that however, didn't bother him as much as the clothes he was wearing, he needed to get out of them as soon as possible.

he made sure to not look towards the medical tent on the way to his cabin, for he also wanted to sort his bodily injuries there- him being told not to even think of going there still resided in his mind.

what normally took him a minute or two turned to many more; with his body feeling as though it had doubled in weight he plodded along to his team's cabin. he felt as though all he needed was the presence of his friends and he would be back to feeling a little more like himself. it was quite often seokmin found himself being disciplined by the boss, for many different reasons; however, each time all he needed was to be hugged by the warming atmosphere of the people whom mean the most to him in his life, something as little as that was most definitely able to work miracles.

finally after almost five minutes of what felt like a never ending walk the door to his cabin appeared before him. he wasted no time, his left hand reaching out to securely hold the door knob; a not so expressive smile appearing on his face so scarily fast before he even attempted to open it.

however, the atmosphere was different. something about the words he heard today compared to those he had heard days and weeks prior were different.

"you don't have to stand up for him all the time, he's dug a hole deep enough to soon be our graves seungkwan, this is serious, he's gone too far this time," minghao had spoken many words before this, but these were the ones that stood out; the more minghao spoke the further seokmin's hand trailed from the door handle, his fingers twitching amongst themselves as his eyes began to flicker open and closed repeatedly, his nostrils flaring whilst his gaze fell to his shoes. he soon dwindled into the pit of his mind, what if this was his fault in the first place, after all it was his idea to sneak out without permission or even telling anybody. whether it were his fault or not, he knew that he wasn't welcome in the cabin for the night, maybe even the week.

"hao, don't you think you're being a bit harsh-"

"no, i'm sick of it, i'm sick of him, why can't he just act fucking normal for once and not go and fuck everything up? he is in fact the definition of a fuck up!" minghao was now yelling after butting in on junhui- even though seokmin wasn't in the room with them he could see the expression on minghao's face, and he knew that he should just leave for the night, he saw no point in trying to talk to any of them; neither did he want to face them, for he also thought that what minghao had said was right, and he wasn't ready to face the truth, he didn't want to be labelled as the fuck up.

he left the cabin area just as slowly as he had gotten there, the cold air sucking itself tight to his clothing as his head grew to obtain an even more pulsating headache. he didn't allow this to stop him from going to wherever he would find himself; for the first time in his life he didn't want to be around the people he referred to as family- not minghao, not junhui, hansol, chan or seungkwan. he didn't want his presence to bring them endless burdens.. he had already done too much.

after all, he would only be gone for a little while; in his mind he had already convinced himself they wouldn't even notice his absence.

his bloodied hand smeared against the mostly-windowed door, his body colliding with the very thing keeping him from entering the building. his weight pushed the door forwards- lucky for him it wasn't a pull door; the little bell rung and a small lady emerged from the back room, her bottom lip immediately drooping as her eyes ran from seokmin's feet to his head, he was indeed in a beyond messy state.

"are you still open?" he stumbled into the pharmacy like a drunkard, his feet tripping every few steps as he scanned the small space. he struggled to lift his legs due to the agonising pain still present around his shins and lower legs as a whole, with every step his teeth ground together even more, the dried up crusted wounds which were surrounding the corners of his lips reopening; he let out a breathy, desperate laugh as the stinging from the open wounds grew sharper, his appearance becoming a spitting image of the joker.

however, despite his physical injuries, the thing tormenting him the most was the way he knew that if he were to stop laughing at the sorry excuse of a situation he found himself in, he would break down on the spot and refuse to get up and try again; he would truly give up on everything around him, he would give up on himself.

once again a stroke of immense pain rung around his head, he groaned and wobbled to the right; he made an attempt to catch himself with his hand against a small aisle as his legs slipped beneath him, however the gift of speed wasn't on his side. his hand held onto nothing but the air, he felt his right shoulder collide with the aisle, then his back side with the floor. many items from the aisle crashed to the floor, some medicines smashing inside their packaging; the loud clattering probably able to be heard from the bbq restaurant and supermarkets next door.

"i'm so sorry," the male grumbled in a vulnerable tone as he scooped up many of the items in his blood stained arms, probably damaging them further, "i'll-" his voice grew higher in pitch as he felt his chest and throat grow tighter, the surface of his eyes growing thicker with salty water, "i'll pay for the things i broke," he planted one of his feet flat on the floor with unintentional force, sending a shooting pain from the bottom of his leg to the area of his knee, he let out a disclosed whimper as he dropped the medicines once again to grip onto his leg and squeeze his skin through the fabric of his joggers.

the lady struggled to take in everything that had happened in such a short period of time; but she didn't need to think to understand that she needed to move fast to keep the male's body from receiving any extra damage. she rushed over to him in shuffled steps and leant down to his level, holding onto his hands, the blood transferring from his to hers as she spoke, "let go of your leg, let's get you up and into the back okay?"

seokmin faked a cough to submerge his needs to cry, he tried his best to smile at the pharmacist as she helped him to his feet; as though to laugh at himself for finding himself in such a state in the first place. her lips formed a smile, yet her brows furrowed; how could somebody flash such a beautiful beam in such a situation. the male was clearly on his last legs, what he needed was a hospital to treat his wounds- but she decided she would do what she could.

in the back room were shelves full of prescriptions and more; in the back corner lay an operating table, "have a seat, i'll see what i can do, but what you really need is hospital care," she spoke in an attempt at a convincing tone. seokmin however blanked out the talk of hospital and almost threw himself into a sitting position on the table. he felt awkward, uncomfortable, he hated having anybody other than seungkwan tend to his injuries.

but this would have to do..