behind closed doors : seoksoo

022 : a meal to pause time

it was barely a walk to the barbecue restaurant, for it was directly next door to the pharmacy; that most probably being the reason jeonghan had come over in the first place, the walls were extremely thin and the commotion caused by seokmin was loud. for the whole five to ten steps, jisoo kept his finger wrapped around seokmin's; he knew they were currently at no stage to be doing such a thing, but he remembers the old seokmin whose personality used to thrive through physical touch; he had many contemplations about the action but held onto the younger nonetheless.

"hey you," soonyoung slurred out his words whilst slapping a palm against the table, his other hand pointing a singular chopstick towards seokmin as said male slouched into his stool immediately, doing his best to hide his face behind his fringe as his hands jittered beneath the table uncomfortably.

it was at this specific moment that seokmin realised he had only gone and fucked the situation further. if soonyoung were to spill that he had been sat with three paragons, not to mention sat eating a meal, his boss would surely find out, not only had he disrupted years of somewhat peace with a rival gang- he had also found himself having a meal with the paragons not even a day after. and it was at that very moment that seokmin realised he needn't spend any longer sat at the table.

"you.." soonyoung grumbled whilst leaning over the very small table, closing the distance between himself and seokmin, "you're sat on my coat," he almost pouted, his eyes glimmering as he went to attack seokmin with the chopstick. seokmin felt his chest grow lighter as he let out a small gasp, shuffling around to free the coat from beneath him, to which soonyoung made a grabby hand and snatched the fabric from the delicacy of seokmin's hand.

jisoo offered jeonghan an uneasy grin as the pair of them watched soonyoung completely blank seokmin out, seemingly blinded by his drunkenness- the male was already waving at the waiter for another bottle of soju before finishing his previous one.

"help yourself," jeonghan offered seokmin a pair of chopsticks whilst flipping the meat on the grill with his free hand, "you look.." he suddenly trailed off, looking the youngest male up and down, he had many words in mind in which he could use to describe the state of seokmin's appearance, however, he assumed it was best to brush it off, "you look hungry."

"sit down," jisoo ushered soonyoung downwards into his stool as he too took a seat besides seokmin; and once he had held composure in his seat he scooted closer to seokmin whilst the younger became distracted by the sizzling meat upon the grill.

"is there anything more you want? i'm paying," jisoo grinned towards seokmin with his head tilted to the side slightly. seokmin watched as the older's eyes smiled along with his lips, and for a split second he found himself back in their school's cafeteria- back then jisoo would always offer to pay for their meals.

"i'm fine with this, i don't mind," his voice grew hoarser with every word as he pointed to the meat on the grill, sending barely a smile to both jisoo and jeonghan as he positioned his chopsticks between his fingers. it wasn't that he felt uncomfortable with the people around him; jisoo was.. well jisoo was jisoo, jeonghan was an old close friend, and soonyoung was wasted. it was the situation that kept him uneasy, it was the lingering feeling of guilt, the feeling that he was letting his friends down.

seokmin wallowed in his misery whilst chewing on a piece of meat, every bite blander than the one previous; he was miles away yet all he could hear were the arguing statements between his friends, the same sentences replaying over and over in his mind. was minghao really sick of him- did the others feel the same way?

every time he thought about it he took a shot of soju- which then turned into drinking just for the sake of drinking. after losing count on his shots he was no longer thinking of anything, the full glass simply continued to keep finding its way to his lips as he barely paid any attention to the three others around him, their voices blending with every other sound in the restaurant.

both jeonghan and jisoo were so fixated on soonyoung's brash shouting they didn't notice the now-tipsy seokmin slowly leaning towards jisoo in an unconscious manner. jisoo hadn't noticed until he felt a head of hair graze beneath his chin, the warmth of seokmin's body finding itself nestled in his arms. jisoo jittered awkwardly before taking a stance, holding seokmin's head firmly so he didn't fall as he readjusted his seating position. now he sat with his legs either side of seokmin's stool, the chair being in front of him so seokmin's back pressed against his torso.

jeonghan shook his head with a struggled smile upon his face, "you better keep every limb crossed that soonyoung doesn't remember a thing," he tried to sound firm, hating to admit that he did somewhat miss seeing the pair together; they complimented one another perfectly- but things were different now, much different- actions like this could get them killed if seen by the wrong people.

as jeonghan and soonyoung's side of the table dwindled into a chaotic clutter, the opposing side remained scarily quiet. jisoo didn't dare move, his actions matching the stillness of the almost asleep male. he didn't know whether to hold him closer or urge him back into his own space; his heart was set on the first option, however his brain opposed.

"i'm tired," the words escaped seokmin's lips tauntingly, his nose digging deeper into the crevice of jisoo's collarbone. with each millimetre closer they became, jisoo grew more tense- his eyes skimming between soonyoung and jeonghan as seokmin made himself comfy.

"he's out of it, don't worry," jeonghan pushed his finger against soonyoung's forehead, said male only giggled childishly as he eyed the room as if it were spinning around him. jeonghan waved his hand from side to side to push jisoo out of his worries; all whilst raising soonyoung's coat and helping the male guide his arms through the sleeves.

jisoo watched the two in front of him then peered down at seokmin, "you're tired? it looks like we're getting ready to leave, we can-"

"no.." the youngest spoke as though the word set his throat alight, his eyes slowly closing as he dropped his arms upon his own lap. letting out a hefty sigh as though he were letting go of a menacing burden, he leaned further into jisoo's body, "i'm so.. tired."

it took a moment, but after those few seconds of silence jisoo felt an overwhelming sadness wash over him, his chest tightening and a sickly feeling surging up to his throat; how can somebody who was once the epitome of the sunshine find himself living such a harrowing life.

"it's okay," he spoke lightly whilst wrapping his right arm around seokmin's waist, and his right hand slowly caressing his cheek- radiating all of his warmth towards the male, "you're okay," seokmin's previous words had taken such an unexpected blow to jisoo. it pained him immensely to know seokmin is feeling such a way; and knowing him, he would have kept it to himself this whole time.

jisoo rested his chin upon seokmin's head without applying too much pressure, the younger male's hair tickling against his skin. he sucked in the air sharply, a small sniffle leaving his proximity as he sent jeonghan a sorry smile before whispering to seokmin, "i won't make the same mistake again.."

"this time, i won't leave you on your own."