Sunflowers: Sean Diaz x Reader

Chapter Twenty-Nine: I Hope You Survive

I could see a glow emitting from my face, and though it sounded like a fantasy, I could see it was my eyes. A gentle yellow light pressed against all three of their faces.

"Look. I made the decision to have us keep moving forward, it's true!" My loud voice startled even myself, "But that's because I was only thinking about you. I wanted so much for you to be happy, no matter what sort of risk I took. The feeling I had suddenly meant nothing to me, and I just wanted to do whatever I could to please you– as if I was worshipping you, but–"

I took a deep breath, almost as if it was one last chance. One last chance to decide if what I wanted to say would be set deep into stone— or only an abandoned wooden shed.

"You never deserved my worship. We spent months running, and no matter what happened, you kept making mistakes. Those were mistakes we paid for. Those same mistakes turned me into somebody I don't want to be. I look in the mirror, and I'm sick by what I've turned into."

"(Y-Y/N), just calm down–"

"No, stop telling me what to do. That's the only thing I hear from you— demand after demand. We're just kids, Sean. Why do we have to be doing this? We should be scared of getting caught with weed or pimples on the tips of our noses. Tests, Homecoming, our school social standings– high school bullshit. Instead, I'm scared about when I'll eat next and how I'm gonna raise my baby in a country where I can't even speak the language."

"Fine, let's talk about it then. We can–"

"I can't keep following you like this. I don't care if it's your kid too," I took a couple of steps forward, and it seemed like it was only me and Sean. "I have to figure out what is best for me and my baby, and I just don't think we have the same vision anymore."

"(Y/N), we did once, so let's talk about it. It's been you and me against the world before dad died, so we can—"

"Sean, please," I wiped a tear off of my cheek, looking away. "There's no more us anymore. You search and you search for something you're not going to be able to find. What you look for..."

I looked up at the sky, "What you look for is that three bedroom house with your brother and your dad, knowing I live right right down the road in my loft. We lost that, and this is all we have left."

"You and Daniel are all I need—" Sean grabbed my hand but I gently removed it from his grasp. "You're all I have."

"You keep telling me that, but you have a funny way of showing it. Please, just stop. I tried to help, but we know when you say "that's all I need" you're just lying. Whether it's to convince us or you is your answer to find, but I won't be around to help you any longer."

"(Y/N), I need you—"

"I—" Hearing those words broke my heart, and I knew I could change everything or let it go.

"I—" I grabbed the fabric of my shirt, overwhelmed, clutching it with a death grip like that could help me.

"I never, ever thought this would get so messy. I never imagined that things would really go this far— really. But something here has to change, I just—"

"I love you so much, (Y/N)," Sean grabbed my hand. "I can't do this without you."

"There's no way I can make sense of how I feel but... you're really all I ever needed and I want to believe that we can do this, but we can't. We can't do this anymore. I... I can't do this anymore. I have to draw the line in the sand, Sean. Maybe... maybe we weren't meant to be together after all."

I took a breath.

"I suppose I just believe it because it was all I wanted. You could never take care of the problems I ever was or would be. I'm not strong like you and no matter what you say or what you do in the future, all I will ever be is a mess that just can't be fixed. I just lied to myself, believing that this could've ended happily, if we just tried."

"You're just upset—"

"Walk back home with me... and we can get the help we both need," I made eye contact for the first time in a while, feeling the tears running down my face like a fountain. My bottom lip trembled as I gritted my teeth— my heart in so much pain. "We will be okay."

It was silent as the rain began falling.

I held my hand out to him, "We can prove your innocence, and everyone will be safe again."

He stared at me, his eyes gazed at my hand, but I already knew his answer.

I pulled my hand to my chest and looked at his face, "Goodbye Sean. I pray you stay alive— and safe."

"(Y/N), please," I watched him cry in front of me, and as much as I wanted to follow, but I knew that our safety would never come to fruition if we kept on this path. I could see it in my visions.

"I doubt it means anything, but I will always love you and I really don't think there was anything that could change that. If I could go back in time, I would," I choked out wiping my wrist against my cheek. "I really would."

"So what? You're just gonna walk home?"

I shrugged, "Maybe."

I took a step toward him and put my hands to his cheeks. As he looked my face over, I pulled him close and kissed his cheek. It was soft, and I felt that it would be the last, so I made sure it truly counted.

At that moment, I felt so small.
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Word Count: 1,023