One Last Thread (DSMP)

Urge's

Tubbo slowly opened his eyes, instantly noticing that something was missing as he quickly sat up, Michael wasn't next to him. He very quickly got up in a panic before rushing into every room, questions ringing his head until he fell into Techno's room, sighing in relief to see Techno and Michael on Techno's bed, Michael was asleep on Techno chest whilst he held a book in hand. Techno smiled, understanding why Tubbo was so worried, "he's ok don't worry, he kinda just opened my door, closed it, then came and sat with me until he fell asleep again" Techno explained with a very quiet laugh. Tubbo quietly laughed back before fully entering the room, closing the door behind him before he went over to Michael. He looked so peaceful and comfy, Tubbo was almost jealous, "I'm glad he's ok" he whispered. "Yeah he's completely fine don't worry. But just so you know, your son definitely has favourites and I'm glad I'm close to the top of his list" Techno laughed through a breath, Tubbo joining him as he stood up straight.

"Well I'll leave you be, if he needs me then I'll be downstairs" Tubbo said whilst walking away. "Got it" Techno smiled, looking back down at Michael as Tubbo closed the door on his way out. He went down the ladder and saw Phil in the kitchen, "Good morning" he said through a yawn. "Morning! Sleep well?" Phil asked as Tubbo sat down opposite him at the table whilst he took casual sips of his daily coffee. "Yeah, although Michael did scare me by completely abandoning me to go hang with Techno without me knowing but it's alright" Tubbo laughed. "Not to bring down the mood but he's just like Tommy when he was younger, he'd randomly walk off and go missing before returning with mud on his face and hands whilst he held a worm in his hand, showing it to everyone before Wilbur told him to put it back, he'd always listen to Wilbur for some reason" Phil explained. "Yeah Michael has done that before, Ranboo found it disgusting" Tubbo said, getting a laugh out of Phil. "Anyway, enough with the random stories, are you hungry?" Phil asked whilst standing up. "Not really" Tubbo answered, his appetite wasn't there for some reason and he felt a little more off than usual, more numb.

"I'm gonna make something anyway, I'm in that mood" Phil smiled as he cracked some eggs in a bowl whilst putting bread into a toaster. "Ever tried beans on toast?" Tubbo asked, trying to distract himself from his own sudden sadness. "Yes it's delicious! Techno didn't agree though" Phil said as they both laughed. "He should, they're brilliant, top tier if you will!" Tubbo joked as he looked out the window, it had started snowing as he stared off into the forest in the distance, random thoughts started popping into his head. "Hey, would you and Techno help if me and Michael were ever in trouble and needed back up or just help?" He asked. "Of cause!" Phil answered, "why do you ask?". "I don't know, I guess I just started thinking" Tubbo shrugged as he continued to stare. "Ok then" Phil said, whistling a tune to a song. Tubbo suddenly shivered, getting an unnerving feeling that he was being watched as he looked around. "Are you alright mate? You look a bit on-edge" Phil pointed out as he sat down back where he was and took notice of Tubbo's actions. "I'm fine, sorry" Tubbo sighed as he sat back and fidgeted with his hands under the table whilst looking around.

"Something's wrong, what's up?" Phil asked, leaning more on the table to let Tubbo know he was listening. "I don't know, I just got this sudden feeling that I'm being watched but it's probably just nothing" he shrugged again. "You might be nervous about something, are you alright?" Phil asked more as Tubbo nodded again, "yes I'm fine" his tone had become slightly more annoyed. "Ok, I'm hear to listen if you need it" Phil said, sitting back as he started eating his food. Tubbo started to zone out more over time, letting the numb feeling control his thoughts, *relapse, you know you want to, it will relieve so much stress and everything will be better again, don't you remember?* he listened before thinking to himself *No no I can't, I've got to take care of Michael, I can't go back into that type of thinking again, not again* he thought before hearing the voice at the back of his head again. *Michael wont know, Phil nor Techno will know, no one will, just go back to the mansion, get the blade and slice once, from then on it's your decision if you make more* it told him.

He zoned back in as he opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out, Phil looked at him with concern, "say what you need" he said patiently. "I think I'm gonna go get something from the mansion, I'll be quick so Michael won't be worried if he notices I'm gone" he explained. "Ok, hope you don't mind me asking what you're getting? Sorry I can be nosey at times" Phil laughed. "It's just... something" Tubbo said as he stood up and put his boots and coat on before heading out, "I'll be quick" he said again before leaving the house, running down the stairs from the front door before running across the snow. It didn't take long until he got to the mansion, rushing upstairs to his bedroom, looking in his bedside table to see the stained blade sitting under a piece of paper. He started to regret it as he thought about it more, *1 year gone down the drain just like this, no I can't, I can't, not now not ever again I can't I can't do this again* he thought as he started getting overwhelmed, repeating the same words over and over in his head, *I can't I can't, I need help I need Ranboo I need Tom- I need someone* he thought as he started to break down.

He sat on the bed, laying his head in his hands whilst his leg bounced like crazy under him. *What do I do, I can't do this I can't go back to doing it I can't* he started to feel suffocated as he took his coat and jumper off, leaving both his arms exposed, one scarred from the 'accident' and the other scarred from his own doing's. He stared at his right arm, the one he himself had ruined, he saw old and faint scars, remembering every single one and how it happened, the relief he had felt and the tears running down his face most times, other times there was nothing, no tears, just blood. He very slowly grabbed the blade before looking at it, watching how one side glimmered from the sunlight whilst the other was full of story. *Michael* a sudden thought entered his head as he put the blade into his pocket and dashed out the door, putting his jumper and coat back on as he ran. It took him even less to arrive back as he almost broke the door down, stumbling as he came to a stop and looked at the kitchen. Michael was in Phil's arms crying as loud as he could, flailing his arms in an attempt escape, he wasn't breathing properly and he was shaking.

"Michael" he whispered as he rushed over to him before taking him into his own arms, rocking him side to side as he felt Michael hold onto him tightly. "You're ok buddy you're ok, I'm right here, Bee's right here you're ok, I've got you" he quietly reassured him before giving Techno a deathly look. "He woke up and started screaming, I had nothing to do with it" Techno shrugged. Tubbo felt Michael's breathing and shaking, both were fast and unstable, "it's ok Michael it's ok, I've got you, I'm right here, I'll never leave you for good I promise, I'm here now you can relax buddy ok? You can breathe". Michael's crying had calmed down along with his panicking as he slowly relaxed in Tubbo's arms whilst he rocked him side to side, kissing his head every now and then whilst holding him tightly. "He was scared that he couldn't find you. Honestly I didn't know toddlers could panic like that" Techno joked, getting another look off Tubbo, "not the time ok got it". Tubbo held Michael in a protective way for quite a bit until he noticed Techno get up, "sit back down now" he sternly said. "Why? I've told you all I have? He woke up and cried so I took him to Phil and that made it worse, there, may I go now?" Techno argued.

Tubbo looked away with a sigh, anger was boiling in him, ready to burst but he kept it in for Michael. He listened as Techno went upstairs like a stroppy teenager. "I'm sorry about that Tubbo, I understand how you feel, when your child is hurt you want to protect them I get it" Phil said. Tubbo ignored him, he was a small noise away from lashing out as Michael became quiet and calm again. Minutes passed as Tubbo zoned out until he felt Michael sit up. He looked at Michael, "hey buddy" he whispered with a smile. Michael smiled back with an anxious laugh. "I'm sorry I left without letting you know, I just needed to get something" he said as Michael nodded. He felt guilty and stupid, putting his own selfish needs before his son's.

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Sorry for randomly ending it here I just ran out of ideas for this one lol

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