One Last Thread (DSMP)

Rambling

Tubbo's eyes slowly opened as he felt warmth over him; he looked around the room, *I'm back at Phil's? What happened?* he thought before remembering it all, relapsing, talking, breaking down. He remembered his arm as he quickly sat up, noticing his hoodie had changed as he lifted up his sleeve, his arm had been completely bandaged. Anger was quick to overcome him as he watched the door open, Phil stood there with a tray in his hands, resting upon it was a plate of food and a glass of water next to it. "You're awake, that's good" he said, giving a gentle smile as he closed the door behind him with his elbow before walking over to him. "Who put a bandage on me?!" Tubbo was quick to ask as he watched Phil place the tray on the bed in front of him before Phil sat behind it. "I did, are you ok?" Phil said, watching the anger slowly rise more in Tubbo. "Please can you not do anything until I give you permission?! I wanted to keep it a secret that I fucking cut myself but you know and now Techno knows, only a matter of time before the whole server knows" Tubbo said, feeling tears choke him as he painfully forced them down.

Phil remained calm in his actions and his speech, "you're right, I apologise, I only did it because I didn't want you resting in a stained hoodie, I felt it would've been uncomfortable so whilst me and Techno both helped put a new hoodie on you, I cleaned your arm and bandaged you up". Tubbo sighed before laying back down, facing the wall before whispering a quiet, "I appreciate the help but can I be left alone for a bit". "Of cause, I'll leave the food and water here just in case" Phil said, getting up and going over to the door before stopping to ask a question, "do you want me to bring Michael to you?". "Where is he right now?" Tubbo asked, sitting up slightly as he looked at Phil. "He's playing with Techno, I think they're playing with colour cards" Phil answered. Tubbo laid back down, "he should be fine then". "Ok, if you need anything then don't be scared to come get me" Phil said before leaving, closing the door behind him.

Tubbo sighed as he got comfy and felt the tears flow to his eyes before drenching the pillow his head laid on. Tears went over his nose bridge before leading down the side of his face and onto the pillow whilst he stared at the wall, *What if I just end it, Michael has Phil and Techno, plus I'd hopefully get to see Ranboo and Tommy again, I'd be happy, I'd be free* he thought as he broke down quietly into the covers protecting him from the coldness of the room. He started to cry harder as he sat up, his chest felt tight; making his breathing slowly become unstable as his hands started to unnoticeably shake. *Someone please help me, Phil I'm sorry I need you I need you right now, please. Just open the door again and and tell me everything's going to be ok, that I'm safe and so is Michael, tell me that I'm going to survive so I can watch Michael grow up. Please* he thought, his head dropped as he grabbed the clothing protecting his chest before holding onto it tightly. *I'm in pain, someone save me, talk me out of my thoughts, give me a distraction, just someone, please* he continued to beg but nothing was happening, no one was coming to save him.

He got a whiff of the food almost in front of him, steaming from the tray whilst the glass of water sat next to it. The sight and smell of the food made his stomach hurt as he hunched over, feeling it start to get worse and worse as his crying became hard to handle, not helping his breathing as it sped up and his hands were now visibly shaking quite a bit. He soon felt pins and needles start to attack his finger tips, *a panic attack, as if it couldn't get any worse* he thought, starting to feel his whole body hurt as he audibly cried into the cover, making his cries muffled so it was hard to hear. He was struggling to breathe as he pulled his hoodie away from him but it didn't help, his breathing had become harsh and painful and it only kept speeding up over time.

Minutes passed, he was on the verge of passing out again until he heard a knock at the door, "Tubbo am I alright to come in? Just coming to check on you". *Phil* he thought, wishing he would help him despite the situation he was currently struggling with, he didn't care if Phil saw him like this, he just wanting it all to stop. "Tubbo mate? Are you alright?" Phil called out as he knocked again, of cause not getting a reply since Tubbo could barely talk. "I'm coming in if you don't answer" Phil said a little seriously this time, still not getting an answer as he slowly opened the door, peaking 'round it to see Tubbo hunched over on the bed, shaking violently as his shoulder's rise and fell fast. "Mate" Phil worriedly whispered as he quickly closed the door before rushing over to him, he moved the tray to the end of the bed before sitting next to Tubbo and slowly making circles by rubbing his back. "It's alright mate I'm here I've got you, I've got you you're alright" Phil reassured him before hearing Tubbo try and talk but only sounds of struggled words escaped his mouth.