Choices (Book Four)

Chapter 10

Shawn

I stare up at the star on top of the Christmas tree in the living room of my childhood home. We've had the same star since I can remember. It's simple, silver, with bits of glitter on it. I scan the rest of the tree and smile at all the sentimental ornaments my dad kept over the yeas and puts up every Christmas. There's handmade ones from both Bailey and I that we made when we were kids. I wonder how the heck some of them haven't crumbled to dust yet. There's a few hanging picture frames of us as we've aged over the years. I reach out and touch the old photo hanging of my dad and mom on their wedding day. Every year it's front and centre on the tree and it's always been my favourite ornament. They both look so happy and in love.

I wonder about the ornaments I got Lyla the past two years for our tree. I wonder if they're out on display this year or shoved somewhere hidden away in a box. Or even worse, in the garbage. I don't think she would do that though, I know they meant maybe even more to her than they did to me. She's been on my mind even more predominantly then usual today. The usual ache for missing her is there as always, but I'm also worried knowing her family tradition to go out tomorrow night. I know that even though she puts on her brave face, going out reminds her of that bastard Connor and her nightmare of a night from two years ago. I wish I could call her, I want to so bad. Just to hear her voice and know that she is okay. I know if I heard her voice I'd be able to tell if she was really okay or not, she couldn't hide from me. I would know if I heard the shakiness in her voice, it's almost undetectable, but I know it like my own voice. I know it from laying with her in bed and listening to her soft voice crack as she relived some of the horrible things she was forced to live through and be strong enough to move past.

I step back from the tree and find a seat on the couch. It feels good to be home. I got in late last night after taking a bus and having Bailey pick me up at the station. It's already Christmas Eve and I can't believe I have to head back tomorrow night, but I'm doing my best to soak in all the time with Bailey and my dad. We all had breakfast together this morning and I got to meet Milo who is down visiting Bailey for the holidays. Watching the two of them interact I couldn't even try to be mean to the guy, they both are smitten with one another and it's amazing to see Bailey this happy. I could feel myself getting jealous of their bond as I watched them wash the dishes together and then hold hands on the couch as we all played a board game this afternoon.

I miss it. I miss having that one person you can't help but be obsessed with, in the healthiest way possible. Just having the person that you love in your life, as simple as that. Lyla will always be that person for me. I know it, I've known it since our first date. There will never be anyone else that makes me feel the way she did. I was invincible with her by my side. I think back to Christmas last year and how much has changed in just that short time. Christmas just doesn't feel right without her by my side, going ice skating with me, sipping hot chocolate while we drive around looking at lights. None of it is the same without her.

"Hey bud," my dad greets from behind me and I turn to find him standing with two beers, one of which he offers to me.

"Hey dad," I reply as I reach out and take the beer. "Thanks."

My dad takes a seat in his recliner across from me. Bailey and Milo are out at a Christmas market in town so it's just us home. They had extended an invite to me to join them but I thought I'd let them have some alone time, plus being in their presence would only make me further depressed to not be with Lyla.

"How's the season going so far?" My dad asks and I take a sip of my beer before I answer him.

"Really good. The team has really been clicking and we are currently first place in our division so hopefully we can hold that spot."