Choices (Book Four)

Chapter 24

Shawn

It's Saturday night and I'm just climbing off the workout bike I have setup in my living room. It's already midnight, my team had a game tonight and I went and watched from the stands, itching to be out on the ice helping my teammates. We won and maintain our first place spot in the division which makes me happy. After the game a few of the guys were going out for drinks and invited me, but I bailed and gave the excuse I was tired and heading home to bed. It was a half truth, I am tired. But I definitely wasn't heading straight to bed.

It's been a whole week since Lyla showed up on my doorstep and I haven't been able to get a full nights rest since. Hence the late night workout. I figure I can at least try to physically exert myself so much that maybe I'll just pass out from pure exhaustion. Most nights I lay in bed tossing and turning before I cave and grab my laptop to watch some Netflix to pass the hours of insomnia. Most days I drag my ass around from the lack of sleep, sometimes I manage to grab a nap on the couch if I can shut my brain off long enough to fall asleep.

After Lyla left that day and I came back inside to change into some clothes instead of a towel, I sat down with Mikayla on the couch and explained to her my history with Lyla. She had listened and been patient, never interrupting me or getting upset or jealous. When I was done she asked if I was okay and then let me know she was going to give me some space for the day. It dawned on me I had never mentioned Lyla to her before and the thought seems a bit strange to admit to myself. Lyla had been such huge part of my life the past two years.

The next afternoon Mikayla came over for our physio session and we shared awkward glances throughout as neither of us had brought up the day prior events until the session was over. She brought up the elephant in the room once we finished our stretching. She told me that she liked me and didn't need to put pressure on me or us, but she also didn't want to waste her time if I wasn't interested in this potentially becoming something long term. I told her I was interested and I was being honest. My reward for being truthful was Mikayla launching herself at me and planting her lips on mine. I had chuckled against her mouth before things quickly got heated and we moved to my bedroom.

The rest of my week went back to what my new normal had become the two weeks prior to the Lyla encounter. I walk Rupert in the morning, physiotherapy with Mikayla after lunch, dinner with Mikayla, and walk Rupert again. I was trying to get back to my routine, to remind myself that this was my life now and I was happy with it. Mikayla only stayed over one night this week and it didn't help my sleeping matters. I waited until I was sure she was out cold before I tiptoed out of my bedroom and watched sport highlights on mute in the living room.

I called Bailey last night and finally opened up to someone besides Mikayla about what had happened last weekend. Bailey had known I was kind of seeing Mikayla before Lyla had shown up last weekend since I had told her about us progressing past the friend stage. Bailey almost blew my eardrum when she screamed into the phone when I told her Lyla showed up at my door. Once she calmed down she demanded all the details and I gave her a play by play of what went down. Bailey let me know she supports whatever choice I'm going to make, but wanted me to make sure I was really thinking this through and not trying to hide behind my own ego or my own walls I had built up in fear I could get hurt again. I had assured her I knew what I was doing and appreciated the support but I could figure my love life out on my own.

Bailey's words have sunk in more and more over the last twenty four hours though and I believe she had made a valid point. I know a part of me is hiding a large part of my heart from opening up again, and it's a part that has always belonged to Lyla. But the trouble is that she crushed it and I don't even want to think about going through that pain again. How can you put yourself back out there completely again for someone you hope won't hurt you, but there is no guarantee?