Choices (Book Four)

Chapter 19

Lyla

I broke up with Will yesterday. When I woke up the night after visiting Shawn at the hospital, I was exhausted and emotionally drained as I opened my eyes and realized I was laying in Will's arms. He was asleep next to me, looking peaceful and content. I slowly wiggled myself free from his arms and slid out of bed quietly making it to my washroom without waking him up. I washed my face and stared myself down in the mirror. I knew what I had to do, hell I had known it since Shawn had kissed me four weeks earlier. I stared back at my reflection and told myself that I could do this. It was going to be hard and suck big time, but I had to be honest with Will and more importantly with myself. I couldn't keep hiding anymore.

I walked back into my bedroom. Will stirred on my bed then smiled sleepily up at me as I sat down on the edge of the mattress. He must have noticed my serious expression because he sat up right away and looked concerned as he asked me what was wrong. Then I proceeded to break up with him. I tried to get right to the point, but instead I just starting rambling on and on trying to explain myself to him. His face fell as my words hit him and I knew I was breaking his heart. I had started to tear up as I continued to explain to him that my decision was solely on my own feelings and issues I still had to work through.

Will had asked me if it had anything to do with Shawn and I couldn't lie to him, but I also knew this was bigger than Shawn at this point. I told him that I still needed to work through my own personal issues around what happened with me and Shawn last year. And it was true, I needed to stop avoided my feelings and problems and address them head on instead of hiding out with friends or a new relationship. Will eventually stood from my bed, wrapped me in a surprising hug, told me he was always going to be there for me, before he quickly left my apartment.

I spent the rest of the day sulking in my bed, watching old Friends episodes. I allowed myself yesterday to have a small pity party, but today it's back to classes and moving forward with my new reality. I had messaged Bailey this morning and asked to meet her for coffee on campus and she agreed. I told her I owed her a coffee and lunch since she wouldn't let me give her any gas money the other night. My first lecture flies by as I mercilessly type away notes on my laptop before we are dismissed. I welcome the distraction though as I focus on every word my Professor says, allowing my mind a break from the Will and Shawn saga I'm living through in the moment. I meet Bailey at a cafe off campus and she is already there sitting at a table in the corner. She greets me with a wide smile and a hug before we both sit down.

"Thanks for meeting up with me today, the other night was such a whirlwind I didn't get a chance to thank you for letting me tag long," I tell her with a small smile.

"Oh no problem girl, you know I've always got your back," she assures me.

"Well thank you and right back at you."

The server comes over and we both order coffee and sandwiches for lunch.

"So..." Bailey starts off as she raises her eyebrows. "Shawn wouldn't give me any details about what went down the other night with you two. Is everything okay?" She asks hesitantly.

Our server stops back over with our coffee and I stare down at my cup on the table as I take a deep breath before I respond.

"I guess we have finally hit a point where we need to give each other some space," I admit to her softly.

"Is that what you want?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure what I want anymore. I'm afraid to trust my gut at this point, it seems to keep leading me down roads that just end in ruins," I admit to her quietly.

"I know you two have had your fights over the last year, but are you sure you're really done now?"

"Admitting I'm done doesn't feel right to me. But at the same time I don't know that I'm ready to make a decision on what I want or if we should be together," I explain to her.

"I get it, you don't want to make a mistake or hurt each other anymore."

"Yeah," I whisper sadly.

"I'm sorry to dampen the mood, I just wanted to make sure you were alright. Shawn is my brother and I love him, but I know he can be an ass sometimes and even if you guys aren't together you will still always be important to me."

I can feel myself tearing up. Bailey had always been so sweet to me and hearing that I mean something to her as well fills me with the warm and fuzzies. I've ended things with Will which I knew was the right thing to do, but I don't want to just go rushing back to Shawn either. The whole reason I ended things with us last year was to have time to myself and I think I need to take some time to figure out what and who I want in my life before I go dragging anyone else into this mess.

"Right back at you sister," I tell her.

Our sandwiches arrive and we fall silent as we start to eat. I ask Bailey about her boyfriend Milo I met the other night and she gushes adorably over him. By the time we finish lunch we both have to race off to our next classes. We hug again when we get outside the cafe and before we part ways she turns back to me.

"Lyla, no matter what you decide, just now that he really does love you."

"I know, I love him too. I just don't know if that's enough for us right now."

She nods her head in understanding before she takes off in the opposite direction of me. I feel like I just ran a ten kilometre race, I'm drained emotionally and just want to crawl into my bed, but I adjust my backpack straps and take off towards my next class determined to get something in my life back on track.