Choices (Book Four)

Chapter 34

Shawn

The arena doors close behind me as I make my way to the parking lot where my car waits. I borrowed it from Bailey to make the drive down to Grand Rapids today. I just finished telling my coaches that I'm not coming back this season. I could have made a call and done it over the phone, but it just didn't feel right. Plus I wanted to walk around the rink one final time and pickup my gear. I wasn't sure how I would feel walking out of the meeting today. I figured I would be upset, but I wasn't expecting the bit of relief that has washed over me. I reach my car and throw my gear in the trunk. My sticks fit in the front seat and hang into the back.

My coaches took the news pretty well. They were disappointed but respected my choice. I explained to them my dilemma over the last four weeks and how I went back and forth plenty of times with my final decision. Ultimately, it came down to not wanting to risk blowing my knee out again. I've almost rehabbed it back to full ability at this point and it would kill me to have to go through it all over again, much less it being even worse the next time. I also knew I wasn't giving the game up completely. I could still play with friends and recreationally. Being able to play still period means more to me then risking my knee just to play competitively for another season or two.

I hit the road for my long seven hour drive back to Telford. I text my dad to let him know the meeting went well and I'm back on the road. I think about calling Lyla. I haven't heard from her in two days. I haven't shared the news with her that I'm not playing this year yet. I wanted to get the meeting over and done with it to make it official before I shared the news. I'm curious to see what her reaction will be. I wish I could see her again in person. It feels like a lifetime since her graduation night when I got to hold her in my arms.

She started her first week of work at the hospital this week and seems to be enjoying it so far. She is working twelve hour shifts and seems to sleep the other twelve hours of the day because I only heard from her once this week. I understand she is busy, but it didn't help me to be checking my inbox obsessively five times a day. I'm not a fool to believe that me not playing this year means we have a shot again. I'm still going to be in Telford, five hours away from her in Oakridge. I have my own handful of job interviews setup next week to find something hopefully. The simple fact I have her in my life again is enough.

Although, Bailey still bugs me every other day to 'be a man' and tell Lyla I want to try again. I've never admitted to Bailey that's what I want, she is just making her own assumptions. The idea is appealing I will admit. But is it right for the both of us right now? She is just starting out in her career and my life is a bit of a mess right now, I'm still bartending until I hopefully land a spot at a firm in town or maybe even in Oakridge. We are both going to be crazy busy the next few months and to throw a long distance relationship into the mix would only add to the stress. At least that's what I've convinced myself of at this point.

My phone rings about three hours into the drive. It's late, almost midnight, and I grab my phone from the centre console wondering who it could be. I see Lyla's face on the screen and don't hesitate to answer the call, smiling as I put the phone up to my ear.

"Hey you, why you up so late?"

There's a long pause on the line then I hear a sniffle and a soft sob that I sadly recognize all too well and my chest constricts as I hear her crying.

"Lyla, what's going on? Are you alright?" I ask hurriedly as I grip the steering wheel with my free hand, my mind racing with horrible scenarios of why she's upset, the top of the list being Connor and I feel sick to my stomach.

I hear her cries start to take over her body, her breaths short and panicked. It sounds like she can't even catch her breath as I helplessly wait for her to tell me what's going on.

"It's m-my d-dad," she finally chokes out and I pull the car over as I feel a weight fall over my body.

I park at the side of the road and drop my head against the steering wheel, closing my eyes as I still hold the phone up to my ear. I already know what has happened, but I don't want to admit to myself it's real until I hear Lyla whisper into the line.

"He's dead."