One Random Message

Virginity

   We pull into our driveway and I jump out of the car and take off up our steps.
" Dessy, are you okay?" Said my mother frantically.
" Yes mom! I just have to use the bathroom!"
I rush into my room and call Cody.
" Dessy, there are some things I want you to know." Here we go, I thought to myself. He's going to tell me how he has a girlfriend or something.
" People make me out to be a bad guy. That is not the type of person I am" he said in a soft tone.
I take a breath of relief and assure him that I am not going anywhere.
" Dessy, can you come in here and talk to me" said my mother from the other room.
I sigh and tell Cody I will call him back later.
I head into our sitting room and sit down on the couch beside my mom. I just knew she found out about Cody somehow.
" Honey, I want you to know that Charles and I are getting married!"
Did she just say what I thought she said? Charles is my moms boyfriend but he works out of town so I hardly ever see him. When he's home I stay in my room because no man could ever take my dads place.
" Why am I just finding out about this?" I said to her angrily.
" Well he proposed when he was home last and I said yes."
Of course he did I thought to myself.
" Well, if you're happy then I'm happy." I said back to her even though I wasn't happy at all.
I couldn't be too mad because I was making out with a boy last night that she has no idea about.

  Days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months. Cody and I make it official and my mom finds out about him. Surprisingly, she isn't too strict. She really likes him and I couldn't be happier. I start spending a lot of time with him.
Cody and I stay on the phone all night even if we are asleep. He usually hangs up in the morning before school. He holds my hand and walks me to all of my classes even if it makes him late to his. My fear of school had gone away and I couldn't wait to be there every morning.
He said that he loved me first. He told me 3 months into our relationship. You know those movies where you see imaginary fireworks go off when something special happens? That's how it was when he first said it. We are into our 6th month of dating now. We still haven't had sex. There have multiple times where I would've have just loved to rip his shirt off but I kept my cool.

  It was 2pm and he was walking me to the last class of the day. His hand felt sweaty and he didn't say much. I got to my class and told him bye.
" Meet me in the back of the school so I can drive you home. I think we should talk." He said.
Here it goes, my heart racing. I felt like I could power a generator with how fast it was going. I didn't have time to ask questions.
" Okay, I love you" I said as I turned away and walked into my class.
I should have been focusing on my teacher but my mind was elsewhere.
" What could he want to talk about?" I said to myself as my teacher was rambling on about something with history.
Finally, the bell rings. I grab my books and head to the back of the school. As I'm walking down the hall our eyes meet. He smiles at me and walks towards me. He grabs my hand and we walk to his truck.
" He's not acting weird anymore" I thought to myself as he opened the door of his truck for me.
As I'm putting my seatbelt on he gets in and looks at me.
" I'm going to get straight to the point. How do you feel about sex?"
Did he really just ask me that. How do I even respond? " Well, how do you feel about it" I said.
I was scared to hear his response. He chuckled and turned the truck on.
" I have never wanted to have sex with someone so much in my life. You turn me on and I want to make sure you feel the same way about me."
I felt my face turn red as I was processing what he just said. I turn him on. All of my life I have dealt with insecurities and this man says I turn him on. He stares at me with a sweet grin while I sit there and get hot. I can't even find the right words to say. Are there any right words to say in this moment?
" Let's go somewhere private" he says as he puts his truck in drive.
I shake my head up and down but no words are coming out. I'm sitting there looking out the window pretending like I'm not nervous. I can't let him know that I'm nervous. He will think I'm a total freak. He grabs my hand and says
" I would never make you do anything you don't want to do."
Everything he says is so comforting. This man could tell me the most embarrassing thing about him and I would just melt.
" Where are we going" I said.
" To my house. Nobody will be home for a while."

Is this happening? Am I about to lose my virginity on a Wednesday afternoon after school?
We pull into his driveway. My leg is shaking uncontrollably. He puts his hand on my thigh and like magic it just stops. He gets out and opens the door for me. He pulls out his keys to unlock the door. I find myself staring at his tan arms. How could I be so attracted to a man that I'm getting hot over his arms? We walk in and he locks the door behind me.
His home is beautiful. Antiques in glass cases and a huge kitchen table.
I live in a double wide with brown walls that make me want to vomit.
He takes my hand and guided me down a hallway. I notice the pictures on the walls.
" Who is this?" I ask as I stare at a black and white picture of a beautiful women.
" That's my grandmother. She was my everything when she was alive."
I felt so horrible for asking. Especially at a time like this.
" I'm so sorry." I said in regret.
" It's okay, I miss her. Talking about her helps." He said as he rubbed his hand up and down my back.

  We walk into a room with the most western setup.
" You can sit down if you want to." He says as he's pulling off his boots.
I sit on his bed and look around.
Nervously I say " Your house is beautiful!"
" Thank you. My grandpa built it when he was in his prime. Do you want something to drink?"
"No, I'm okay." I replied even though my mouth is going dry from being so nervous.
He comes and sits beside me on the bed. He starts running his hands through my hair. He pressed his lips against mine and smiles. It was so awkward. I felt like I should say something but I didn't want to kill the mood. I had no idea what to do.
"Where do I put my hands? Should I take off his shirt?" I asked myself.
I had only seen this in movies.
He starts moving his lips to my neck. I wanted that sensation again so bad but I couldn't explain it to my mom when I went home with another hickey.
He moved his lips from my neck to my chest. I could feel my breathing getting heavier. He takes off my shirt and throws it to the side. His lips are moving farther to my breast. All of the sudden I felt that sensation again. Except this time it was better. I could easily hide this one from my mom.
I start to feel his hand slide in between my legs. I feel his touch against my jeans. He moves his lips back to mine.
"You are so beautiful" he says as he's teasing me.
I smile and run my fingers through his brown hair.
"Be honest with me, Are you a virgin?"
He really just asked me that. Right now at a time like this.
" Yes, I am" I said.
" Then this has to be special" he says as he gets up and lays beside me.
" I want your first time to be special. I would do anything to make you feel comfortable."
I wanted so bad to tell him I wanted this but I kept it to myself.
He kisses me and hands me my shirt. I put it on and stand up.
" Let's go get something to eat babe and then I will take you home."
I was so disappointed. I nodded and we walked out the door.

  I arrive back at my house. I can't get it out of my head. I lay in bed with my body tingling. I loved this feeling. I craved him so bad. The craving got worse when he wanted to make sure it was special.

  Cody calls me that night for our nighttime calls.
" My phone charger is broken so I can't stay on the phone all night. Dress up tomorrow. I have a surprise." He said in excitement.
I can't go to bed knowing that he's going to surprise me with something.
" Can't you just tell me over the phone. I hate surprises."
" It would defeat the purpose. I love you Dessy. I hope you sleep well."
He really knows how to use his words.
" I love you, Cody. Goodnight"