What am I

pretend

Open the door to find her waiting outside,
Everything you've desired right before your eyes,
So you shut the door,
Draw the curtains, you don't know how to not hurt anymore.

Open your eyes to find the bed empty and cold,
Pretend to hate yourself, pretend to feel remorse,
Pretend till your heart doesn't feel like a giant hole,
Pretend till feeling is all you know.