Meant to be yours. Steve Harrington x Eddie Munson

Chapter 20- drugs, dice and D&D

Tw: drugs, addiction, suicide
Eddie POV

I leave the trailer and immediately drive to the school to set up for hellfire. I just wanna think about anything other then Steve and Wayne. I'm sure hellfire will help with that. except for the fact that I only have the dice Steve got me in hospital with me. And they're really fucking good dice too. How dare he give me good shit.

But this isn't about him. I can cry and hate myself later. Right now I need to  focus on the session.  Once I set up everything in the room and take another, stronger dose of my pain meds. I'm technically not supposed to take them again for another 3 hours but I still feel shit.

Soon all the other arrive this is good, I think I might able to enjoy tonight and get through it without thinking too much about Steve..as long as I stop thinking about how much I don't wanna think about Steve.

We quickly get started on the campaign, I planned a few monsters for this session so it'll take a while, I just hope this time they're smart enough to check all the rooms for traps or they're fucked.

After maybe two hours I hear the door open, I ignore it though cause we're in the middle of a fight scene and they're deciding if they leave or fight to the death. They all huddle in a circle and before long they decide to the death, I smile and take their initiatives before glances to the side and seeing Steve then looking back- wait steve?

I look back at the door, and he's just standing there, why is he standing there? Why is he here? He can't be here, I can't be around him, I feel Like I'm gonna be sick, Christ.

I just stare at him for a minute, we make eye contact. I can't think of anything to say or do. I only stop looking at him when dustin speaks up "Steve, I was wondering when you were coming"

"You fucking invited him?" I turn to Dustin

"Yeah I thought you should talk" he smiles. I grab my dice and throw them at him

"Nat 20, you all get slaughtered, end of session" I walk out of the room, past Steve and the just walk into the car park. What the fuck is wrong with Dustin? Tonight was supposed to get my mind off Steve so I didn't off myself. I grab out my painkillers from my car and take some more. They're supposed to take the pain away so this better fucking work

Steve POV

I know I'm really late for hellfire, but I don't think it matters, i won't be playing either way. But when I do get to the school I go straight to the hellfire room and open the door, I see Eddie and the kids talking about some monster and death and stuff. Dustin said Eddie wouldn't be here. Why is he here? I can't be around him right now.. but shit I miss the way he gets so excited over D&D, the way he jumps up and acts things out, he gets so into it it's adorable.

But I'm not allowed to think like that anymore, he doesn't love me, he doesn't wanna be with me so I have to learn to accept that. After a few minutes Eddie looks at me for a split second before looking away again, he then looks at me this time for longer, like he only just processed I was there. I  just stare at him, I don't want to look away, but just looking at him brings tears to my eyes. I hate not being able to go up to him right now and hug him. I hate that he's not going to talk to me, and if he does it will be to send me away.

I wish I could take back everything I said, I wish I never brought up the topic, if I didn't maybe we could still be at my place right now. We could still just be cuddling and watching and movie, talking about things we only tell each other or talking shit about the people we hate.

Then Eddie looks away. He yells at dustin then storms out, I'm tempted to follow him but I don't, I just look at dustin "why did you invite me if you knew he was gonna be here?"

"Like I said you guys should talk, you both clearly still like each other" dustin replies

"It's none of your business how we feel Henderson, I get you're trying to help but sometimes you just need to stay out of it" I sigh "I'm just gonna leave"

I walk out of the room and go to the carpark, I see Eddie take a few pills then put it back in his car. I think he might have a serious addition, but I won't say anything.. actually maybe I will. It's not like I have anything to lose, I could at least try to talk to him about it. So I walkover your him "hey.."

He looks at me then looks away "hey... did dustin say I wasn't gonna be here?" He  inmumbled

"Yep.. he said Mike was was filling in for you cuz you didn't feel well" I explain.

"Yeah well he would say that wouldn't he" Eddie replied, playing with the rings on one hand like he always does when he's anxious or uncomfortable.

"Um.. this might be the worst thing I could say right now but I saw you taking some pills just a few minutes ago.. I know I can't tell you want to do, and I know you don't have to listen to me  but please for your own sake try to take care of your self.. I hate the idea of you getting hurt, and it's not just me: your uncle, dustin Lucas Mike will, none of us want to lose  you" 

"Well I guess I'm just selfish then,  cuz I really don't give a shit if they all want me alive, they'll eventually get over it, and there's literally no good reason for me to be here so I'll take whatever I want" he replies stubbornly.

I hate hearing that.. I don't want to him to die. Maybe that's a selfish thing to say but it's true, I can't leave him alone knowing he wants to die, it's bad enough I've lost him once I'm not losing him again. "Eddie... have you considered seeing a counsellor or something?"

"Why would I do that? I don't need ducking therapy and if I did I wouldn't be able to afford it" he replies

"I could pay for it for you..You've gone through a lot of trauma, even as a kid, so maybe seeing someone could help.. it might make you.. you know not want to OD" I say softly

"You don't need to keep taking care of me Steve.. I appreciate everything's you've done for me but I'll be ok.. really" he hesitates for a moment then kisses my cheek "I'm really sorry for yelling at you, you did nothing wrong" he smiles alright then turns around and gets in his car