Poetic Sensibility

38 - A Bit Difficult

"Well," Romi had said, "What can I do about him?"

That was all Kiara had heard before she realized she was intruding and slammed the bathroom door a bit too hard in order for them to hear it. They did. The room went quiet. She grabbed her handbag and waved at Keshav and Romi.

"I'm going to grab some coffee. You two want anything?" They shook their heads and Kiara closed the door behind her.

While she made her way to the coffee shop of the hotel they were staying in, she couldn't help but think of the languid, easy body language Romi and Keshav employed in the presence of each other. It was perhaps the first time that Kiara felt something akin to envy. When would she ever be like that? And who with? It was as if by magic that she spotted Rishi reading a book by a table, sipping a cup of coffee. Don't get your hopes up, she admonished herself.

As soon as she entered, Rishi looked up and smiled at her. She took a seat at the table and he put the book down. She glanced at the title. 'Daughter of Smoke and Bone', it read. It was a very... fantasy meets goth type of cover. She saw Rishi blush.

"Do not judge," he began. "It is very enjoyable."

Kiara felt a smile tug at her lips. He thought she was judging him. The kettle calls the pot black. The smile died away quickly when her thoughts drifted back to the sight back in her room. Will she ever have what they did?

"Something wrong?" Rishi asked.

Boy, was something wrong! With her. She tried thinking about someone she had had an honest, open conversation with. Her mother. She wondered whether that would seem pathetic to her friends and she scoffed.

"What?" Rishi said.

For once, Kiara couldn't drum up a lie to hide her insecurities. For once, she didn't want to hide how she felt. What was the point, she wondered. And what had just come over her? Since when did she not care? Since when was she the least bothered person? Was this all a product of all the dancing and completely embarrassing herself in front of strangers with Keshav by her side at the gardens? Maybe. She was overcome by a feeling. That was the absence of feeling.

"I was just thinking how, at 23, I still go to my mother when I have something to say or confide or ask," she finally said.

Rishi blinked. "Okay... And?" He waited.

Kiara sighed. He didn't get it. He didn't get how very... Alone she felt. It wasn't that she was calling out to the force of love or companionship. It was just the need to... Share. She wanted to be identified and be aligned with something or someone. And all she met with was the absence of what she wanted.

"I don't see that as a bad thing," Rishi replied as if he was choosing his words carefully. "But it could be worse."

He wasn't entirely wrong. She could have not had her mother. She was forever grateful for the pillar of strength that her mother was. At least she had had that to fall back on. She saw Rishi sit straight and look at her.

"What brought this thought on?" He asked.

"Nothing," she replied flatly. She didn't want to intrude in on Romi and Keshav's conversation and she hadn't. But she didn't want to think that the idea of intrusion was what brought this on.

"Okay. Any new poetry?" He asked. How could he sail so smoothly into a different topic?! He made it seem so effortless! How did he let go of his curiosity?

"None," Kiara replied. And it was true. And it wasn't as if she was running out of any. Ever since she had taken to pen and paper, she'd built herself a strong reserve of fairly well-written poetry. But that was just her opinion. And her opinion never amounted to much.

"Well, show me some of the old one then," he replied.

Kiara smiled, remembering the day she had caught him with her notebook and plucked it right out of his fingers. "Nice try," she replied.

"It's more difficult than using a pick-up line," Rishi said and almost immediately blushed. "What I mean is.. And I'm totally risking our friendship by saying it.. Is that you're a bit... Difficult."

In her 23 years, Kiara had been called a lot of things. Not that. Never that. And here, her mother believed her to be the saintliest, easiest person on the planet. She laughed out loud. The sound of it seemed to surprise Rishi. Pleasantly. The day seemed to be full of surprises because Kiara caught herself reaching for her notebook that was in her handbag. Why?

The answer came to her almost immediately.

Why, to show him, of course.