Power of the Pum Pum (From Guns to God)

Chapter 8

Making someone feel seen, heard and understood is one of the best ways to love them. Instead of trying to see what we can get from a man how about we try being there for them, I mean they are humans too. Men also need a shoulder to cry on, a place of solace, advice, financial aid...men need love too.

Tafari and I laid flat on my bed with our heads angled to the ceiling. There was complete silence between us. I wondered what he was thinking but I didn't care to ask. I wanted him to leave so I could be alone with my own thoughts. I was somewhat disappointed that he didn't return the oral sex favor, I mean he did not requested it but I thought he would at least try to return the favor. I thought wrong. What was I thinking?  A hardcore gangster like Damion wasn't going to allow me to turn him into a bow cat.

"What's going on in your head?" Tafari asked and ran his hand over my lower abdomen.

Tafari didn't have much years of education but sometimes he spoke so eloquently that it startles me.

"Nothing, just trying to clear my head" I mumbled. Hoping he would just give me some space.

He sat up, chuckled and gazed down at me. "Clear your head from what?"
He paused and I knew he somehow wasn't going to let this go.
"Me know why you upset"
He took my hand "sit up man"
"Make we block a reasoning"

I hesitated then sat up
The after effect of his arm on my made my pussy muscles contract and relx.
My tingling pussy rubbed on my bed sheets as I got up and all I wanted to do was fuck and fall asleep.

"See what you did just now..." he took my hands into his.
"Was fucking great!"
"Mi love you Staci"
"Probably more than me own self"
"Baby me never expect that from you and although me like it, no me fucking love it... Me still on shock"

"Why?" I mumbled timidly as tears build up in my eyes from the embarassment.

"Just nuh wah pull you from your religious belief baby girl"
"Me nuh deh pon the Bible thing"
"God nuh want me near him things..."

I fold my hands and sucked my teeth before he could continue. "Who tell you that??"
"God said come as you are, he is all knowing and he doesnt care. He just wants to have a relationship with you"

Tafari shuffled on my bed. My heart broke with every spoken word.
"Me a gun man Staci!"
"Me nuh good enough for you and everybody see it except you"
"Though me love you for that, it hard more while to watch you go against your principles because of me"
"You deserve somebody better than me"

He scratched the side of his face and got up.
"Me a cut be"
"Me will call you"

I hurried from the bed and blocked the doorway
"Don't do this again"
"You can't keep walking away from your troubles"

Tafari looked everywhere in my room except at me.
"Staci please!"
"Just let me go"

"Go where?" I frowned.
"Bill youth!"
"Mi down fi you"

He sucked his teeth and pulled away from me.
"A that a the problem girl"
"Me nuh good enough fi you!"
"Nothing good ever come from loving me"
"The two person that loved me DEAD!"

Tafari squeezed his fist and shook his head
"Me father and bredda love me and look what happen"
"Daddy dead because em a try protect me and now me bredda dead because them a try get back at me"
"Me cyaa risk your life like this baby"

I walked slowly towards him and touched the side of his face
"You nuh think a my decision that?"
"Why you wanna choose for me?"
"Me know the story before me get involve with you"
"The only person that can change my mind from you is you"

He sat on a chair beside my bed. I sat on the handle and wrap my arms around his neck
"yea me agree that me kinda pull away from church since me meet you but baby none of us nuh perfect and God know that"
"Don't do this to us"
"We can beat the system!"
I kissed his forehead
"I know we can" I kissed his forehead again.
"Stop allowing what people say to get to your head"

"Me nuh fraid a people girl, mi wi diss them" "Staci a you mi nuh want them feel like them can press."
"Man in a the streets from me eyes deh a me knees"
"Only fucking thing me weak to a seeing the few people me love hurt"
"If them hurt you Staci me cyaa promise that me nah go hurt them back"

I frowned
"People ago talk regardless"

Tafari nodded his head
"Yea but me know how fi control that"

I got up from the chair handle and stood before him.
"You not powerful when you try to control other people babe"
"You are powerful when you learn to control yourself"
"Try control how you react to what them affi say"
"When you try control them it shows that you are weak"
"Change the game on them"
"Come church with me Sunday"

Bells of laughter expelled from Tafari's mouth.
"Church??"
"Me??"
"Church??"
He looked at me and laughed again
"Staci anuh movie this yah watch eno"
"Church anuh fimmi"
"Them church people judgemental you fuck"
"Likkle more them see me come in a them place and call police on me"

I sighed "Well you have a problem with us being equally yoked"
"Only way to correct that is try the church thing"
"God is patient, take all the time you need but sooner or later the gun won't be enough to protect you and if you love me you will at least try"

Tafari sunk his teeth into his bottom lip."Hear you now a play pon man conscience"
"Come here!" I went closer and he gave me a kiss that lasted less than a second. "Me ago try your way Staci but if it nuh work me nah try again and not even you can make that happen again"

I got up and lifted my hands in surrender mode.
"Fair enough"
"Sunday?"

Tafari blew rasberries.
"That too soon, me ago need some thing to wear."
"How next week sound?"

I didn't believe him but to hear him say he would try was enough for the moment..

I nodded my head and embrace him.
"Now come me find you a Bible"

Tafari looked at me as if I just asked him to suck my pussy.

"Read Bible, suck pussy, what else?"

We both laughed.

"Laugh all you want, feel me nuh know you vex cause you never get to bow me out"
"Man a bad man"
"Likkle more you have man all a wash panty ova yah"

He spat my ass
"Slow down baby, man a gun man"
"Now come me put you pan a backas and slap up you batty jaw with me gun"