Power of the Pum Pum (From Guns to God)

Chapter 11

At my age, it would be unreasonable to say that I understand all the dynamics of life. I have a long way to go and a lot more to learn. Knowledge and experiences never stop until one takes their last breath.

I remember my parents and how they loved me yet they died, I still don't understand why and for years I wondered how a God could allow that. How a God that loves me so much could allow me to hurt that much. Sometimes I even still wonder why God is punishing me. So you see, even though I'm a Christian I still question God in many ways. I'm still flawed. So flawed that there are days when I fought to have a simple conversation with God. This is why I am so understanding of people and their struggles. I also struggle in ways I cannot yet explain. This human experience is complicated and at the end of the day, we just need to have each other's backs.

"I understand why you love him" my uncle blurted as he cut vegetables for dinner.
"Mi nuh agree but me understand"

I gazed at him in deep amazement. I didn't know why the sudden shift in his perception and quite frankly I didn't know if it was a shift. I knew my uncle, his statements were often packed with a twist of some sort.

My uncle threw a piece of carrot in the air and catch it with his mouth. As he chewed he mumbled. "You muma did stay same way"
"She wudda walk and try fix everybody when we did a pickney"
He snickered.
"Anything broken, Jenny ready to fix that"
"Yes man, all if it cost her own happiness"
"Me never love that about me sista"

He shook his head. "I had to watch her hurt a lot of times"
"It cut me but she didn't listen"
He pointed the knife at me "same hard head like you"

I pulled away. Even though I knew in my heart that he would never hurt me. My natural reflexes made me pull away.
"Uncle I know what I'm doing"

Uncle Sam chuckled, "the same thing you ugly muma wudda seh"

We bout laughed.

"If she ever hear me"
"She tell me which a part a me ugly"

We both laughed again.

"That's another thing you take affa her"
"Manners nuh walk near unuh"
"Piss dash ova pon unuh"

I smile shyly and hung my head down. I didn't quite remember my mother. I remember a few moments with her but if it wasn't for the pictures I had of her I fear I wouldn't even remember how she looked.

"Me bad lucky eeh" tears built up in my eyes and I box them away before uncle Sam saw them.

Sam was too quick to miss thou, I never could hide anything from him.

"Don't cry Niecy" he extended his arms and I went into them. Just like I did when I was a child and we would watch Tom and Jerry in the living room.

Uncle Sam kissed the top of my head. "They are still here with you"
"More while me feel you ugly muma eye them pon me in a yah"

A smile plastered my lips. Whenever Uncle Sam referred to my mom as ugly it warms my heart because not only does it remind me of his love for her but it also makes me imagine how she would cuss him out. I couldn't stop myself from being sad but I also needed to be grateful. I may have lost my parents but I gained the best uncle-niece relationship a girl could ever ask for.

"Staci" uncle Sam whispered and broke the moment. "Me know you bring that bwoy in yah"

He released me from his embrace and just like that the moment ended.

"Nuh dweet again!" he warned.
"You a big woman but in yah suh a fimmi"

I rolled my eyes. Before I could respond my phone chimed. Messages stormed in back to back. I knew it was Terry for only Terry had the guts to blow up my phone in that manner.

Terry: Them ketch your boy again.
Terry: It nuh look good fi him this time
Terry: Hear say them find gun over the yard
Terry: Hear say them draw gun pon him to eno
Terry: But him mussa jump pon the police bwoy and hug him up

Me: What? A prank??

Terry: No miss. Hear say your bwoy tussle with them and them gives him some rass lick thou
Terry: Bay chest lick fi hold the gun

Me: 😭 Terry stop playing
Me: Feel like me ago have a heart attack

I clutch the counter with one hand and stare at the phone in the other. Terry was lying. She had to be!! Tafari just text that he was going to get me Jerk chicken later on. How was this possible? I don't get it!

Tafari: Where are you?
When he didn't respond right away I knew something was indeed wrong

Tafari: Why are you hurting me this way??? You promised to protect my heart😭😭😭

"Wah happen girl??" uncle Sam questioned.

"Tafari.. dem.. dem lock him up" the words barely stumbled from my mouth.

My uncle sucked his teeth.
"But you should prepare fi these moments Staci"
"A them things deh happen to a gunman"
"A that deh you sign up fah when you decide fi deh with him"
"You never know?"

I didn't answer. I left my uncle standing in the kitchen by himself. Nothing my uncle said made sense to me.

Terry's messages kept rolling in.

Terry: Like a fingerprint them want pon it
Terry: Them gone with him and the people them up yah a diss up the officer them
Terry: You affi go look fi him mums

Me:That an if me ago can see him
Me: Kmt sigh

Terry: Them say a him kill Jerry last night

Me: Jerry dead???
Me: When did that happen??

Terry: Bout in a the after 9

My mind flash back to that very time last night. Tafari was acting funny all day. Being all mushy and shit. He stopped texting me around 8 but I assumed he was just in his feelings and needed space.

Terry: Hear say him say em innocent cause em did round a your place when him hear that Jerry dead. A true?

I left Terry on read.