Power of the Pum Pum (From Guns to God)

Chapter 39

2 month later

God promised that all things, not some, all things were going to work together for our good. Tafari's near-death situation took a turn for good as he was now contemplating doing a short mechanical engine program on Hagley Park Road. Words are not enough to express how proud I am of him. I wish his brother was here to see him.

Surprisingly he had not mentioned anything about what Bobby had said. I had expected him to retaliate but till this day he hadn't breathed a word about it. He was discharged from the hospital two months ago and since then it's almost like the shot to his side did a 360 on his view of life. 

There are times when I wanted to ask about what he planned on doing but fear held me back. If for some reason he forgot, I never wanted to be the one to remind him.

Church had become my home again. I had made a promise to God that if he gave Tafari a second chance I would come to him and do my best to bring Tafari along. An assignment I believe I was appointed to do.

"You a come church with me tomorrow?" I asked as I aided Tafari with folding his sons' clothing.
His grandaunt was coming into town to take them to his grandma.

Tafari didn't respond to me verbally, instead, he watched me closely. He brushed a strand of my damp hair from my forehead. I watched his gaze and instantly my lips curled into a smile as I noticed how his eyes twinkled when they bore into mine. Gazing into his eyes reminded me of that field trip I took back when I was 16 years of age where the camp coordinator brought a telescope and we all took turns watching the sky. Tafari's eyes glisten just like those stars did that night.

"Why yah watch me Sir" I finally asked breaking the silence between us.

Tafari bit into his bottom lip to mask his approaching smile.
"Me cyaa look on you again?"

He wrapped his arm around my neck and ruffled my hair.
"Aye behave nuh sar!" I called out and doubled up with laughter.
"You ramp too much man"

Tafari sat on the edge of the bed.
He patted his lap and I climbed onto it. He fell on the bed as soon as I climbed onto his lip.
"Ohhh yah go kill me, babes"

"Sorry sorry!" I called out and touched his side.
Tafati chuckled. "A joke man"

I slapped his arm.
Then we were both silent. I gazed out in thin air as I reminisced on how I would have missed these moments with him. Moments where we would joke about anything. Moments where he would tease me and just before I get extremely angry he would tickle my side or find some sexual way to 'friend me up'.

"Staci..." Tafari said and pulled me from my nostalgic thoughts.
"You were supposed to be temporary, just like everything else in my life"
"But one day me get up and mi just couldn't stop think bout you"
"You slide in a me heart like an earthworm" Tafari chuckled and then winced from the pain in his side. From time to time he would still feel a bit of pain there. A sad reminder of a mistake I vow to never make again.

"Mi love you nuh fuck!"
"Mi never believe me cut out to make life with a woman but with you me willing to do anything B"
He paused and studied my eyes.
"Me ago try the church thing with you"

My lips curled up into a grin.
Tafari kissed the side of my face and then let out a loud breath of relief.
"Me nuh wah be the one to pull you from you God.."
"Me feel me do that long enough"
"Nah come a that church with you thou, make we try another church"
"New faces, different people, nobody to judge us B"

I liked the thought. The people at my childhood church were very judgmental. The new start sounded like a good idea.

"Me ago married to you eno but me a wait until you finish your thing up suh first B"
He snaked his arms up my blouse and fondled my breast. I exhaled as his fingers sent tingles down my spine.
"Wah you sort out you self then me make you me wife"
"Nah run from this no more B"

Tears build up in my eyes. They began to flow and I didn't stop them, they weren't tears of sorrow. They were tears of joy. Tafari always expressed himself to me but this time it was different. His eyes were different. His voice carried a different melody and it wasn't because he too sounded like his emotions were getting the better of him. It was because I was living in answered prayers.

Then Tafafi took my lips and devoured them in a way he had never done before. He cupped my butt and glued me to him.  I felt his manhood pressing on my thigh. Thank God I didn't give up on this for mere temporary pleasure. I would have missed out on the opportunity to love and adore this man until my heart seized to function.

Sunday (Church Day)

It is hard to come in contact with God and still be the same.

When the holy spirit touched Tafari through the hands of pastor Jakes, Tafari trembled and tears flowed from his eyes. Then the most miraculous unforgettable thing happened. Tafari, Trigger happy, the notorious Tikka shouted Hallelujah... The church shouted praises in unison and my heart exploded as tears trickled down my cheeks.

I rushed towards Tafari and fell on the floor with him. I screamed and clapped at the glorious miracle of God. God had done it again. He had brought another one of his sheep home. Glory to his mighty name.

Tearing down the wall that trauma built required strength. In one instant it erects, it wasn't made brick by brick. Created by a slab of fear, defense mechanisms, broken promises, nightmares, hopes, and dreams standing rebelliously beautiful for the world to see. The trauma did not offer warmth nor a welcoming connection. It didn’t even offer protection from rejection, but still, despite the hardcomings, it began to feel so safe when we discovered the master of our fate.
These past few years I've watched Tafari as he tried to protect his heart from another shatter. Changing his ways so he didn't feel so fragile. Resisting the intricacy of intimacy, the wall that trauma built leaves what was left of him alive but not growing…not healing… not owning until now, he discovered that no mess was too messy for God to clean up. Tafari realized that all he had to do was invite the master cleaner in and so he opened his heart again, this time not to a human being but to the king of kings. The concurring lion of Judah.

Tafari had been chipping at the wall that trauma built for quite some time. It’s been scary to see that the patterns and the pain that served him once threaten to deform him. We read the Bible every night and Tafari found comfort in Psalms 91 because he acknowledged that his traumatic wall was merely a fig leaf in the presence of God.

Today when he prays, he not only prays for himself but for every soul daring to vulnerably whisper, “My intentions were pure but my actions were wrong. I’ve got to tear down this God-forsaking wall… because what I want more than anything at all is to see God.”

Tafari gained confidence and never looked back.

THE END...