I can't have my own fear
I can't have my feelings or my thought
"I know how you feel"
No you don't
You don't know what it's like
To live in fear of yourself
You're not suffering at the fate of your own hands
You're not in a constant battle to feel normal
To not feel so crazy in your head that you can hardly breathe
Because every time I breathe
It feels like I'm gasping for air
I'm gasping and all the air burns while I fight
But you don't care
It's all about you
It's about the fact that I can't even feel while I'm around you
Why am I considered overdramatic when I'm drowning in my own sorrow
My own paranoia and fear of losing you
In such a fear that I forget and I lose myself
I'm done being in trauma competition
I'm allowed to be less well than you
You were supposed to care for me
But the truth is I needed you
Even though I kept you alive
I was at the bottom lifting you up
But you just always drug me back down.
