What do you do when you can't cope
All of your methods have failed
You've reached out
You've written
You've even started to drink
All of the familiar feelings line up
Need
Want
Help to feel something
But not everything
A physical release
But can't hurt
All alone
The panic sets in again
Help me
Stop the thoughts
The fears
The anxiety
Help me cope in a way that works
In a way that I won't be judged
Or ridiculed
Or stared at
Or left because of
In a healthy way
But the healthy ways aren't working
The support system isn't there
You want to scream but no sounds come out
Just silent sobs to the wall
The kind of cry you see in movies
When the character is sad but doesn't want to over do it
The kind that you never want but always seem to do
This kind of hurt transcends the hurt of a hit
Of a word
Of a cut
Of a person who couldn't care less
This is the kind of hurt that I don't get
The kind that I wouldn't wish on any one person
The kind of hurt he doesn't get to hear
The rejection
The insecurity
The hurting
The thought that I'm just not enough
I'm not enough for him
Or for you
Or for her
Or for me
Or for anyone
So I guess I just lay with my eyes at the wall
Seemingly unbothered by the hurt behind my eyes
Slowly rebuilding walls it took years to break down
Because of another break down.
I do not have the words to end this work
Nor do I have the answer.
