Anxious Love

Epilogue

Marilag ang tanawin—makulimlim.

Ang sinag ng araw ay pasaglit saglit lamang na tumatanglaw sa alapaap.

Nakayakap ako sa pinagsalikop kong mga binti, nakaupo sa damuhan, habang nakapatong ang baba ko sa aking tuhod.

Pinagmamasdan ko ang paligid, napakapayapa. Ang hangin ay marahang umaalpas sa aking balat na tila nakahihimasmas sa pakiramdam.

Napa-buntong hininga ako, bago lingunin ang teleponong nakapatong sa damo upang tignan ang oras.

“Well, I think I better get going.” paalam ko sa hangin habang nakatuon ang atensyon sa lapida, kung saan nakaukit ang buong pangalan ni Miko.

“See you next week, love” sambit ko pa bago kunin ang bag ko na katabi ang telepono at lumisan na.

Agad kong dinampian ng bimpo ang gilid ng aking mga mata nang maramdamang may namumuong luha dito.

It’s been a year pero I still can’t get over the fact that he’s gone.

Eversince the day that I got hospitalised, I thought to myself that I made the right choice for choosing life over death even if this is the consequence. It’s hard but I know that I did the right thing.

After waking up from fainting that day, bumungad sa akin ang mga magulang ni Miko—not knowing na si mom pala ang tumawag sa kanila.

I was speechless.

Knowing na magkalaban sila, they had the consensus of leaving their feud behind for our sake. Because of what happened to Miko, our families became allies and that made me very happy.

I realized that Miko’s death, was not in vain.

Despite everything that had happened before, Miko’s family understood the situation. Even if I thought that they would react the opposite way.

From that day onwards, they have earned my respect, far beyond the respect that I have with them back then, and it was worth it. Kaya naman pala ka-respe-respeto si Miko dahil may pinagmanahan.

The day that I got discharged from the hospital, they accommodated me and helped me get through everything. But weeks after, they moved somewhere else.

What’s left of Miko left us to start anew. But that’s okay, I know it’s hard for them too.

I even remembered the letter they gave me before they left. They said it was within Miko’s grasp when the accident occured, but I still haven’t opened it. They were certain na it was for me, because I was the only reason why Miko went to the hospital in the first place.

Pero hindi pa ako noon handang basahin kung ano man ang nakalagay doon. I thought that it would bring back the pain that I have felt by that moment, yet I hope that I will be ready to read it someday.

I walked back home to grasp the reality that I am in. There's a lot of memories that brings up my mind every time I reminisce about Miko.

I walked through the sidewalks where we first met.

Through the alleys where he found me and took me home.

Passed by the park where he confessed his love for me.

And passed by the school where we used to hang out.

Those were the best things that ever happened in my life and I couldn’t ever ask for more.

“hay, if only you're here, Miko. I miss you” sabi ko sa sarili ko.

I took a glimpse up the sky at ipinikit ang mata, before treading homeward bound once again.